All the lonely people

All the lonely people

Where do they all come from ?

All the lonely people

Where do they all belong?

("Eleanor Rigby" - The Beatles)

Loneliness. It's not a topic I've tackled in this blog yet, but it's something I've thought about this week. [And I PROMISE not to make this post depressing, but hopefully thought-provoking, (dare I say it?) entertaining and encouraging...so let's get back to the point.]

The lyrics of "Eleanor Rigby" (and my fave Doxology remix) came to mind this week as I was talking with people, at church, watching movies, reading, shopping, hanging out at restaurants...you name it. I've just realized how much loneliness impacts people of all kinds...and not many are really talking about it. And I think we should be.

Here are a few things I've learned about loneliness:

• Loneliness impacts people in different ways.
  
  When I think of the stereotypical lonely person, I picture a Crazy Cat Lady surrounded by 10 cats, lots of stuffed animals and wearing a Snuggie. But a lonely person could be a bikini barista who sells coffee and a bit of her self-respect to get some attention from a guy. A lonely person could be a guy who "falls in love" with a different girl each week. It could be that guy who sits in Starbucks surrounded by people for hours with a laptop. And on some days, a lonely person could be the one you and I see in the mirror.
  
  I think that in their lonely moments, some people retreat--they stay at home, they write music, they read. Others suddenly become extreme extroverts--they serial date or they are constantly so "busy" they have no time to think. I've seen loneliness drive girls to relationships with loser guys, drive guys to alcohol addictions, push married people toward affairs...you name it
  
  The whole point is that lonely people come in all types and it's not easy to pinpoint who is lonely and who isn't...some just might like cats and Snuggies (and in case you're wondering, that's not me!...but I don't discriminate). :)
  
  
• Lonely people sometimes have lots of friends.
  
  This may sound like an oxymoron to some people, but some of the loneliest people I've ever met or seen have lots of "friends."
  
  The problem? Having lots of friends doesn't make you fulfilled. And "lots of friends" doesn't equal good, solid, "no matter what" friendships.
  
  Take Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears, for example. They have lots of people that "LOVE!!!" them. Millions of people know who they are and want to be like them--but they've both gone through a series of failed relationships, battled addictions...you name it (hello, Sinead O'Connor look!)--why? I think (and they've both said stuff similar to this themselves) at the core, they were looking for love and couldn't find it in another person, purse or pill.
  
  This may sound cliche, but I believe that in all of us, there's a piece of our hearts designed for God. And sometimes we look to other things or people to fill it--and they can't.
  
  
• Single people aren't the only ones who are lonely.
  
  Similar to the second point--but I thought it's worthwhile to point out that people who are married or in dating relationships can get lonely. But even a great husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend can't fill all our relationship needs...for God, yes, but also for healthy relationships with others.
  

Loneliness may not be the greatest feeling in the world...but I think it's something everyone faces at some point in their lives. The key is how we respond to it.

Some Christians will also say the cliche things like, "God is more than enough. He's all I need." Ultimately, this is true...but God also created us for relationships with others. And on the flip side, sometimes being by yourself can be healthy--you can focus on your relationship with God, your goals for the future, or reflect on changes you may need to make in your life.

To some extent, I think a healthy response to loneliness is about balance and attitude. Or perhaps just being observant to share love, light and friendship to "all the lonely people" who may be in your world.

The God who gets me

"You just don't understand!"

It's the mantra of (almost) every teenager, but underneath the classic teen angst, I think most of us are expressing a deep heart cry--to be understood, to have people in our lives who really get us for who we are. I think it's a desire that outlives our acne--it's something that sticks with us all of our lives.

The past few weeks at Anthem Young Adults' Network, we've been talking about how Jesus is Immanuel--God with us. I've heard that since I was a little girl in Sunday School listening to the Christmas story recited by older kids in retired bath robes who also played "Jingle Bells" on their kazoos.

But this season, I heard it--Jesus is Immanuel, God with us--in a fresh way. Maybe it was partly due to an incredible video or a message or just thinking about different life experiences I've had or gone through with friends and family.

It's interesting to really think of Jesus as God with us--the God who gets you and me. After Anthem, I went home and started making a list of some of the ways He can relate to you and me and our experiences on this planet. It's by no means a comprehensive list--but here's what I have so far:

• Jesus had parents.
  
• Jesus had siblings (at least one--James, son of Mary and Joseph).
  
• But in a way, Jesus was also an only child (God's only Son).
  
• Jesus went to school.
  
• Jesus went to church (synagogue).
  
• At times in His life, Jesus followed others and submitted to their imperfect authority (even though He was perfect God in flesh!).
  
• Jesus also knew what it meant to lead.
  
• Jesus probably felt a bit different sometimes--like people didn't get Him.
  
• But He also fit in and hung out with lots of types of people--rich, poor, scholars, sinners, men, women, etc.
  
• Jesus knew what it was like to have great friends.
  
• Jesus knew what it was like to be betrayed by a friend.
  
• Jesus had a job--he worked as a carpenter until he was 30.
  
• Jesus was single.
  
• Jesus knew what it was to be unnoticed or undervalued.
  
• Jesus knew what it was like to be in the spotlight, followed by thousands. [ Random rabbit trail, but I kind of smiled when I thought about this--I wonder if Jesus was ever the "It" bachelor of Nazareth? If my mom had been around back then, she would have said to me, "He builds things! He treats his mother well! He likes kids! He's practically perfect...what's not to like?" :) ]
  
• Jesus celebrated and had fun.
  
• Jesus cried.
  
• Jesus had close friends who were sick.
  
• Jesus experienced the death of at least one close friend (Lazarus--before He brought him back to life!) and a parent (Joseph).
  
• Jesus spoke out against injustice.
  
• Jesus showed kindness and bestowed dignity on outcasts in society (women, Samaritans, lepers...and more).
  
• Jesus hung out with people who were really lost.
  
• Jesus challenged hypocrisy.
  
• Jesus forgave others.
  
• Jesus loved deeply.

There's probably a million more. But how miraculous is it that I get to serve a perfect, all-knowing, all-powerful God who can personally relate with my life? A God who doesn't just know what I feel (good or bad), but can actually empathize with my tough experiences and celebrate my happiness?

Wow. I wonder how people--how I--would live if we really knew and daily recognized that's the kind of God we can actually get to know?

I hope that this lesson of the true gift of Christmas--Immanuel, God with us--the God who gets us--stays close to your heart and mine this season.

Much love to you.

You have 5 minutes to make a difference

Five minutes.

That's all the time I spent with one little girl on Saturday...one little girl who I hope I remember forever.

This past Saturday, I was volunteering as a face painter with the Justice Project at a registration day for Operation Blessing, our church's annual Christmas party for low income kids in the Tacoma/Pierce County area. Hundreds of kids showed up with their parents to write "Dear Santa..." letters requesting Christmas gifts, hoping to receive something this holiday season. But at Champions Centre, we wanted the whole experience to be fun--to help each child feel special and loved throughout the entire process.

Enter free facepainting. :)

"What do you want to be?" I asked each child who came to my station.

"Hold your head up higher," I said over and over throughout the morning to boys and girls accustomed to looking toward the floor at secondhand tennis shoes.

"What are you hoping for this Christmas?"

The answers to the last question varied--from High School Musical CDs to bikes to Nintendo Wii.

But the girl I won't forget was different. Her answer?

"A bed." She answered quickly, simply.

When she said it, my heart hurt.

But I realized she was not looking for my pity. So I offered what I have--my hope.

"I really hope Santa brings that for you this year. Now take a look in the mirror--you're a princess!"

Her brown eyes widened and a smile brightened her face.

I may not have done much in five minutes--but hopefully telling a little girl to hold her head higher and to believe she could be a princess meant something. I don't think I changed her life in five minutes--but she changed mine.

Quote of the day...from a smart guy

"Not everything that can be counted counts,

not everything that counts that can be counted."

- Albert Einstein

Taking responsibility...seriously

"I'm taking responsibility--

for my thoughts, my actions, my words.

For how I spend my time and my money.

And I'm taking responsibility for my personal relationships."

When was the last time you heard anything like this from a politician, business executive, pastor or professor?



The more important question? When was the last time you said or thought anything like this yourself?



Ouch! For most of us, the word "responsible" isn't fun. It sounds boring. It sounds serious. And maybe it is--but responsibility is important.


In this crazy world of political firestorms, moral failures and economic uncertainty, it is far too easy to play the blame game. It's also easy to become so overwhelmed that you feel powerless to do anything at all.


Here's the good news: you and I may not be in control of everything--but we can be in charge of some things.


This post I want to challenge us (I'm included here, too!) to be personally responsible for the some things we can control. Here are some questions, thoughts, facts and ideas for us both to consider:

• Why do I think the way I think?
  
  This question sounds pretty basic. But sometimes, our perspectives are so ingrained that we forget what they're based on. In the last few months, I've heard good people I care about say things ranging from, "Men are pigs" to "Women are crazy." I've heard "Democrats are evil" and "Right-wing religious people are so ignorant." For the record, I don't personally agree with any of those statements...but when I've heard them from others, I've wanted to ask them this simple question, "Why?"
  
  Often, we think certain things simply because we always have. Maybe because we were hurt in the past. Or we believe something simply because our families raised us to think that way.
  
  And maybe what you and I think is actually right--I personally just feel it's important to own what you think--and to really understand what it's grounded in.
  
  [Important sidenotes for Christians: In the quest to know why you think what you think, you're probably going to look at the Bible for guidance (and I hope you do). The Bible has a lot to say about topics I've heard discussed recently--answers for questions like, "How does God view the poor? The rich? Whose job is it to help those in need?", "How does the Bible talk about the role of government (kings)?", "What's God's perspective on men? Women?" or "How does the Bible talk about work? Money? My life's purpose?"
  
  But the Bible is referred to as a sword for a reason--its truth is sharp and can pierce your heart--or it can be dangerous if you view it through the lens of, "How can I use Scripture to prove my point?" (See "Google faith" post.) I'm not going to use this post to tell you what I think (that kind of defeats the point of encouraging you to take responsibility for it yourself!), but I would challenge you to look at the Bible honestly--and if you have questions, to talk with Christian leaders you respect.]
  
• How do I spend my time?
  
  Time is one resource that's distributed equally to every living person on this planet--we all have 24 hours in a day, 7 days a week and 365 days each year. But what are we doing with it?
  
  If you asked most people about their goals, you'd hear, "Spending more time with my family", "Building stronger relationships", "Growing in my faith," "Helping people in need" or "Getting in shape."
  
  But do we make time to pursue the things that really matter to us?
  
  A lot of people end up wasting time...watching TV, surfing the Internet, staying in the wrong job...instead of viewing time as an asset to help them reach their goals. I'm not advocating a life of constant busyness (that's stressful!), but taking responsibility for how you use your time (and yes, sleep can be good and healthy, too). :)
  
• How do I spend my money?

This is an interesting question for a lot of people right now. And if you know me, you know I love my Starbucks and fashion bargains...but I could not in good conscience spend money on those things without prioritizing the things that matter so much more. For one, tithing (yup, a full 10%) and giving additional offerings to my church. When it comes down to it, that's a non-negotiable spending commitment every Christian should take serious responsibility for....with a smile (because it is so rewarding!).

[If you're a pastor or leader reading this--don't be shy about telling your members how important giving is, what a difference it makes or even how their money is spent. (See also "The Emmys, the Bible and the grace of giving") I think some people honestly have no idea...or don't think about...how much it takes to pay electric bills, support missionaries or help children in the community. Be straight-up honest and real with us. It's important.]

I also believe in giving to other causes I care about that are making a difference in our community (a personal fave charity is the Washington Women's Employment and Education association).

And it sounds basic...but paying bills is important. I believe in avoiding interest charges by paying off credit cards every month (which means not over charging!). And if you can't do that yet, start paying more than the minimums...and avoid extra spending.

Beyond that? Personally, I think it's important to save for my future and retirement (yes, working at a financial services company has really helped me to see how important it is to start...and to start early).

The bottom line? Real change starts with you and me individually--taking personal responsbility for our perspectives, our time and our wallets. Let's not worry about stuff we can't control. Let's not put all of our faith in John McCain or Barack Obama. Let's put our trust in God--and our God-given ability to make choices. Let's start to take responsibility...seriously.

Women and politics

I'm thankful for Hillary Clinton.

I'm thankful for Sarah Palin.

I know those two ideas seem contradictory--or maybe shocking to some of you. Let's be clear--I don't agree 100% with either candidate. But I hope both of them have helped pave the way for female leaders--in politics, in business, in non-profits and more.

It's not that I don't respect or value male leaders--I do. And I'm not some wild and crazy feminist pushing for women to rule the world no matter what their qualifications or values. But I think women have something unique to bring to the table, the boardroom, the pulpits and the podiums across the globe.

Do I think the glass ceilings are gone? All it takes is a look at the campaigns and media portrayals of Clinton and Palin to see that the glass ceilings for female leaders still exist in 2008.

Female leaders have been judged more on their personalities than their platforms--Clinton is labeled "too tough" and "too harsh," while Palin is "too folksey."

They've been judged more on their looks than their records--critiqued for their suits, hairstyles and eyeware. At one point (the early Clinton years), Hillary was "too plain" or "kind of nerdy", while Sarah has been dubbed "a hot babe" and "Caribou Barbie."

Part of me wonders if it is a "glass ceiling" or more of a "sticky floor"? In other words, are women held back by male chauvinism or do we hold ourselves back?

Here are some things I think we as women can do to help ourselves and each other:

1. Stop critiquing women you like or don't like based on their appearance. (And if you are a woman, include yourself in this category.)

2. For every compliment you give another woman on her appearance, think of something else you can compliment about her skill, talent, leadership ability, character, etc.

3. Know that you have something to contribute to whatever sphere of influence you have. If you're invited to a business meeting, speak up and share your ideas. You are a unique person with distinct talents, skills and knowledge to bring to your role--as a friend, employee, volunteer, wife, mother, etc. Statistically, a lot of women have strong "people insight," the ability to see the big picture, think creatively, express themselves well verbally--if you have these skills, use them.

4. Have confidence in your leadership ability. I've seen some female leaders who, instead of making small decisions they're capable and empowered to make, constantly second-guess themselves or try polling others--when their team members are thinking, "Can't they just make a decision?!?"

5. Learn how to delegate or challenge the status quo when appropriate. Sometimes saying, "I don't think doing X makes sense for our organization. Here's why..." can save your organization money, time and resources. Yet often, women seem to feel as if they are "order takers" who have to go along doing the grunt work for whatever task their (predominantly male) managers request.

On the flip side, sometimes managers are thankful to be challenged on their thinking--your diverse opinion and creative ideas may be a huge asset to them. I've heard some say things to the effect of, "I hadn't thought about that perspective before...but that approach really makes sense."

6. Don't be afraid to try new things. More than men, I think women can be held back by their own fear a and downplay their stengths--a deadly combination. "I can't apply for that job because I don't have the degree required" or "I can't go to college now. I have kids." If you have a desire or a dream to do something new, go for it. A lot of guys seem to have this competitive, know-how spirit (at least in the workplace) that helps them to advance--maybe it's the same trait that causes them not to ask for directions when they're lost on trips. :) I think we as women can learn something from their confident approach to tacking challenging situations.

7. Encourage and help other women to succeed. If you are a leader, be a mentor to the next generation of women. Help them to learn from your mistakes or challenges. Listen to them and encourage them.

Who knows? Maybe we can clean up that sticky floor.

Fun Starbucks cup quote of the day

"When I was young I was misled by flash cards

that xylophones and zebras were much more common."

- Amy-Elyse Neer (Artist & Starbucks customer, San Jose, CA)