Change Part Two: Piercings, tatoos and transformation

I first read Kaitlyn's story about a month ago.

We've never met. I simply had a glimpse into her life by reading a post on a Starbucks customer Web site. But it's something that stuck with me.

Partners and piercings

Kaitlyn works at Starbucks--she's been a partner for two years. She loves her co-workers, customers and company. But Kaitlyn's Starbucks world was "turned upside down." Why?

Her manager asked her to remove her nose piercing or cover it up with a Band-aid while working. Here's a little bit of what Kaitlyn wrote:

I want to stand for something.
Yes, it's a hole in my nose,
and I can leave the company at a later point
and just have it redone if I so choose.
I don't want to leave.
I would love to stick with this company,
I can see myself still with this company years from now.
I would like the policy on piercings to be straightened out.
If the cost of this is my job, I suppose it is the price I must pay.

I should start by saying that I actually agree with Kaitlyn's basic argument--personally, I think baristas should be allowed to show (non-offensive) piercings and tatoos. However, what struck me about Kaitlyn's post and rationale is that, whether you agree with her or not, she went about creating change the wrong way.

First, Kaitlyn made this post on a public forum mainly designed for Starbucks' customers. Instead, she should have shared her feelings one-on-one with her manager or maybe on the Starbucks' Web site specifically for employees.

Secondly, based on other content in her posting, Kaitlyn knew the "no piercings" rule when she started working at Starbucks...before she got her piercing. Instead of breaking the rule and then expecting the entire global company to change its policy, she could have a) tried to change the rule first or b) moved on to work at another company before getting her piercing.

Finally (and perhaps most importantly!), I think Kaitlyn's biggest flaw was neglecting the big picture. She has a job...that she actually likes. She enjoys her company. She's working...while thousands of other Starbucks partners have been laid off. She can even keep her piercing...the company just asks that she cover it up (like with a tiny Band-aid) while working.

Maybe it's just me...but a policy that forbids showing a piercing at work? Not really worth arguing about in the grand scheme of things. I bet hundreds of laid off people would love her job and all it's perks (hello, health insurance! 401(k)! Discounted coffee!) in the current economy.

Change through transformation

The fact that I remember Kaitlyn's story or that I'm writing about it here may seem silly to you. But as I read it, it struck me as exemplifying how so many people (especially young adults like Kaitlyn and I ) sometimes try to create change.

Our generation may think it's noble to "buck the system", create our own rules, complain (to the wrong people!) and disregard rules or leaders we find irrelevant, unrealistic or just plain pointless.

But does that approach to creating change really work? And even if it does work, is it the optimal way to create change?
No.

One thing I'm recognizing lately is that those who bring about change best--whether it's history-making or just something that alters their families, companies or schools--transform systems and cultures. They don't usually fight, protest or break the rules--they become the best and brightest leaders and examples--from whatever "positions" they have.

A few transformational leaders…

I think President Obama is a transformational leader…and so is Sarah Palin. I don’t agree with either of them 100%, but I have to give both of them kudos for breaking through barriers of race, gender, economic background—to try and DO SOMETHING to change our government.

For example, President Obama could have been satisfied to say, “It’s unfair that we’ve never had an African-American president.” His criticism would have right…but it wouldn’t have changed anything. Instead, I think that disappointing statistic (and a passion to lead change) motivated him to succeed and transform America’s history.

In the Bible, Esther is one example of a transformational leader. I think Esther is often simply labeled by Christians as “beautiful” or “one who God used to save Israel.” Those things are true…but Esther was also a leader. Her beauty may have brought her to a position as queen, but it probably didn’t keep her there…or serve as the sole factor that allowed her to influence the king. She was a leader who had some brainpower, too—and used her position of leadership to transform an anti-Semitic culture and save her people.

Putting the pieces together…

In this post, I’ve talked about bringing about change through transformation. But that approach only works if you’re the one who wants change.

What about the cases where change just happens—and you’re just left to pick up the pieces? That’s my next topic…and one I’ve experienced a bit this year. Stay tuned…

Change - Part One: What a difference a year makes

If there's one word that could sum up the last year for me, it would be "change."

(Thanks, Mr. President, for the hint!)

I don't know about you, but the last 12 months have brought a lot of changes in my life ranging from stitches and scars (literally) to new family members (yes, I have a brother-in-law now!) to unexpected career turns.

And then there are the other changes in the lives of my friends, family members, church, office, the economy, our country…you name it…that in turn affect my relationship with these people, organizations and entities.

Being the artistic/analytical girl that I am (yeah, I’ll admit it’s kind of a weird combo—but it’s just me), I’ve been thinking about change a lot lately. So I’ll start sharing some of those thoughts with you in a little blog series…just in case you were wondering.

A few things I know for sure?

Change happens. And it happens all the time. There are changes I can’t control. There are others I can. Knowing the difference? Could change my life. (And maybe yours, too.)

Also crucial? Knowing how to lead change…or lead in the midst of change…and they’re not always the same either.

I’ve heard it said that, “The more things change, the more they stay the same.” But I also believe that sometimes, “The more things stay the same, the more they desperately NEED to change.”

Change can be AMAZINGLY good, scary, overwhelming, exciting, life-altering, devastating, inspiring—and sometimes all of those things put together in a kaleidoscope of crazy we call “life”. Here’s to the adventure.

Women and politics

I'm thankful for Hillary Clinton.

I'm thankful for Sarah Palin.

I know those two ideas seem contradictory--or maybe shocking to some of you. Let's be clear--I don't agree 100% with either candidate. But I hope both of them have helped pave the way for female leaders--in politics, in business, in non-profits and more.

It's not that I don't respect or value male leaders--I do. And I'm not some wild and crazy feminist pushing for women to rule the world no matter what their qualifications or values. But I think women have something unique to bring to the table, the boardroom, the pulpits and the podiums across the globe.

Do I think the glass ceilings are gone? All it takes is a look at the campaigns and media portrayals of Clinton and Palin to see that the glass ceilings for female leaders still exist in 2008.

Female leaders have been judged more on their personalities than their platforms--Clinton is labeled "too tough" and "too harsh," while Palin is "too folksey."

They've been judged more on their looks than their records--critiqued for their suits, hairstyles and eyeware. At one point (the early Clinton years), Hillary was "too plain" or "kind of nerdy", while Sarah has been dubbed "a hot babe" and "Caribou Barbie."

Part of me wonders if it is a "glass ceiling" or more of a "sticky floor"? In other words, are women held back by male chauvinism or do we hold ourselves back?

Here are some things I think we as women can do to help ourselves and each other:

1. Stop critiquing women you like or don't like based on their appearance. (And if you are a woman, include yourself in this category.)

2. For every compliment you give another woman on her appearance, think of something else you can compliment about her skill, talent, leadership ability, character, etc.

3. Know that you have something to contribute to whatever sphere of influence you have. If you're invited to a business meeting, speak up and share your ideas. You are a unique person with distinct talents, skills and knowledge to bring to your role--as a friend, employee, volunteer, wife, mother, etc. Statistically, a lot of women have strong "people insight," the ability to see the big picture, think creatively, express themselves well verbally--if you have these skills, use them.

4. Have confidence in your leadership ability. I've seen some female leaders who, instead of making small decisions they're capable and empowered to make, constantly second-guess themselves or try polling others--when their team members are thinking, "Can't they just make a decision?!?"

5. Learn how to delegate or challenge the status quo when appropriate. Sometimes saying, "I don't think doing X makes sense for our organization. Here's why..." can save your organization money, time and resources. Yet often, women seem to feel as if they are "order takers" who have to go along doing the grunt work for whatever task their (predominantly male) managers request.

On the flip side, sometimes managers are thankful to be challenged on their thinking--your diverse opinion and creative ideas may be a huge asset to them. I've heard some say things to the effect of, "I hadn't thought about that perspective before...but that approach really makes sense."

6. Don't be afraid to try new things. More than men, I think women can be held back by their own fear a and downplay their stengths--a deadly combination. "I can't apply for that job because I don't have the degree required" or "I can't go to college now. I have kids." If you have a desire or a dream to do something new, go for it. A lot of guys seem to have this competitive, know-how spirit (at least in the workplace) that helps them to advance--maybe it's the same trait that causes them not to ask for directions when they're lost on trips. :) I think we as women can learn something from their confident approach to tacking challenging situations.

7. Encourage and help other women to succeed. If you are a leader, be a mentor to the next generation of women. Help them to learn from your mistakes or challenges. Listen to them and encourage them.

Who knows? Maybe we can clean up that sticky floor.

Can a Christian woman be assertive?

To be successful in business, you have to be assertive. This past week, my boss and I were talking about goals, career path and things to work on when she said (something like) this to me:

"Everybody believes in you and speaks well of you.

We're you're biggest advocates ... the only one not speaking up for you is you."

And she's right. At work, I have a hard time saying, "I really want to be involved with Project X. Can someone else take over my current Project Y so that I can focus on X?" (I've actually never said anything like this.) And I struggle with delegating tasks to colleagues v. taking on the world myself. I probably don't say "no" enough to things I'm not interested in (and probably shouldn't be focusing on anymore).

I think part of me feels like it's selfish to stand up for what I want because it means another person will get stuck doing the stuff I don't. It seems that by delegating, I'm in effect saying "I'm above Project X--you take care of it" (even though that's not really my attitude). Or maybe it's because it seems irresponsible to start a project and not see it through all the way. Perhaps part of me wants to see something done in a certain way--my way--versus someone else's.

It doesn't seem humble to tout your own accomplishments to negotiate for what you want--maybe that's why I've let others do it for me. When other people call you a "star", the "go-to girl" and give you awards, it's easier in a way to sit back and and let their praises pave your way.

I think part of me is also afraid of being labeled as assertive--because I've seen people in the real world who are assertive (or maybe "aggressive" is a better word?) to the extreme of throwing values and respect for others out the window.

Isn't this lack of assertiveness common among women--Christian or not?

Yes. A lot of women are shaped by society to be compliant, easygoing, quiet order-takers who aren't necessarily vocal about what they want. Society has ugly terms for women who are assertive--and those labels sting some of us even today.

So what's faith got to do with it?

It may sound silly, but even though I know Jesus was a strong leader who delegated things to others, finding a balance between that strong leadership style and the Biblical principles of "servant leadership," humility and a desire for excellence (read: taking on tasks for my perfectionist self v. delegating) is a challenge.

And though it may not affect me as much as Christian women from more conservative backgrounds, there's still a false perception (based on verses taken out of context) that women are supposed to be "seen and not heard." Even some true Biblical principles about women (e.g. "helpers" in marriage) can be construed as "subservient to men."

Friend v. Leader - How do you find balance?

I've also been in the boat before of being considered a peer or friend versus a leader. And honestly, sometimes I've preferred those labels. It's pretty easy for me to empathize with others, especially people I like and respect. And besides that, being a "relational leader" can be effective.

But as a leader, sometimes you have to make tough calls, talk about hard issues and make decisions that aren't fun--especially when they involve other people's feelings or work (at a corporation or even a ministry team).

Thoughts? Advice?

This is kind of a weird post for me in the fact that I'm not sharing a bunch of answers, but just some thoughts or issues I'm thinking about. Does anybody else have thoughts or advice on this topic?

The Naked Leader

I realize the title of this post may make some blog readers uncomfortable. But be assured--this is not a post about a nudist colony. :)

After a week at a leadership conference, these are the words that stick out in my (admittedly eccentric) brain.

What's a naked leader?

Someone who is:

• Real


• Open


• Pure at heart


• Genuine


• Honest


• Vulnerable

A naked leader is the kind of person you respect. You want to follow them because of who they are and what they represent (the highest level of leadership according to conference speaker John Maxwell).

Whoa! That's a tough description to live up to (and by the way, as I'm writing this, I'm definitely NOT saying that I do).

The "sheep and goats" leader v. The relational leader

Sometimes as a leader, it's much easier to fall back on a resume--or as one of my friends calls it in the dating scene "bringing out the sheep and goats." (My friend has a theory that even modern guys "bring out the sheep and goats" when they're romantically interested in someone--by talking about accomplishments, successes or history). In leadership, being a resume/"sheep and goats" leader is different than actually being a leader or allowing people to get to know the real you.

I think most of us prefer relational leaders. It's quick and easy to be a resume/"sheep and goats" kind of leader. Being relational takes time--but it's usually more effective. It means being interested in others, building trust, walking more than talking.

Three questions for every leader

In one of his sessions, John Maxwell listed the three questions people ask of every leader:

• Can you help me?
  
• Do you care for me?
  
• Can I trust you?

These questions seem pretty basic. But I think for those of us who are Christians or Christian leaders, they are paramount. Because we represent Christ, if people don't know that we care about them, if they don't think they can trust us, how will they know that God cares about them or that they can trust Him? It's a huge responsibility ... and I can never take it lightly.

Leadership really boils down to integrity--does my life match my words? Am I interested in others genuinely, without preconceived ideas or selfish motives? Am I helpful only when it's convenient for me--or simply because I want to bless someone else?

These are the tough questions that I will probably ask my entire life. But it's my hope that even just asking the questions will help me stay aware of these attitudes and actions in my own heart--and that I'll continue to grow.

Leadership is a great responsibility and a great privilege. But even beyond that--leadership is the call of our lives to influence others.

Google faith

Do you have Google faith?
Sometimes I think we approach the Bible like a search engine. Like, "I need to find something to prove my opinions are right—right now." So we look for the right verse—something that will prove a point perfectly … but does it?

What’s the problem?
The Bible was not designed to be a search engine. It’s not built for juicy, newsy sound bytes. It’s a message. A story. Life’s instruction manual. A narrative about who God is, what His Kingdom is all about, and how He created and interacted with people throughout time.

Approaching the Bible like a search engine causes us to miss out on something key—context. If we pick the Scriptures we like without looking at context, we can miss out on their meaning or application to our lives.

The dangers of cherry-picking …
Sometimes it can even be dangerous … cherry-picking Scripture is what cults do, but I’ve also seen it done in mainstream Christianity.

• It’s also dangerous because it can cause us to miss out on intended meaning.
  
• By hand-picking verses, we can become Biblically illiterate or perpetuate Biblical illiteracy (particularly to new believers). How? We get people to say "Amen" (or "Amen" ourselves) to stuff that may not be correct in the context of the whole Bible—this means that people are putting more trust in our opinions as speakers/leaders than they are in the Bible itself.

So what’s the answer?
Obviously, pastors, Sunday school teachers and small group leaders are not all Biblical scholars. Nor do they have the time to always fully explain the context of every Scripture they use in a message. But I think Christian leaders can help people learn how to read and understand the Bible more effectively through our example and how we use verses ourselves.

How do I approach reading the Bible?
So here’s some things I've learned about reading the Bible (mostly from my days at Trinity Western). I’m definitely NOT an expert, but I think these questions have helped me (and may help others) to better understand the Bible and apply it to our own lives:

• What does this verse/passage mean in and of itself?
  
• How does it apply to me?
  
• What comes directly before or after it? (For example, are there any, "If…then…" clauses?)
  
• What’s the context of the particular book of the Bible? (Who is it written to? Who was the author—and what was his purpose?)
  
• What’s the historical context? (For example, how did Jesus treat women compared to what was "normal" or expected during His time in history?)
  
• What’s the relationship between this passage/verse and other things I’ve seen in Scripture? (For example, most Christians believe "God is love." but the Bible also shows that "God is just"—how do those two ideas interact together?)
  
• (And if you want to get really in depth...) What do other reputable Biblical scholars have to say about this passage?
  
  Note: You can usually find out by reading a few Biblical commentaries ... but choose carefully--some can be outdated or in a weird context (e.g. some are anti-Semitic). A few of my TWU professors have written multiple commentaries that I would recommend ... Dr. Craig Evans or Dr. Martin Abegg.