Fear, love and freedom

"I will not fear
I will not deny Your love...
All of my life
I could not deny Your love."

When I sang these words for the first time, I didn't really think about them. It was about mechanics. Memorization. Music notes.

But music is so much more than notes. Words like these were designed to mean something.

They're from a song called "Freedom is here" by Hillsong United. It's a song to (and about) God.

When I started thinking about the lyrics, I thought they were about having courage to share my faith…to live for God. Maybe that is true. But maybe it’s about something more.

As I again contemplated the song lyrics above, I realized that when I live in fear, it can be a form of denying God’s love. Because when I live as if I know I’m loved, it’s virtually impossible to be afraid.

Let me explain...when people see me, it’s like they’re watching a little girl standing on the edge of a diving board. The girl who knows and trusts her Dad to catch her approaches the edge differently than the girl who doesn’t trust her dad at all…or the one who doesn’t believe anyone is in the pool waiting for her with open arms.

I’m not diving into a pool today, but every day I dive into situations, relationships, work…you name it. Do I jump with confidence? Or hesitate?

In the words of another musician (Dave Barnes—my fave—to be exact), “Where love is, fear won’t tread.”

I believe with all my heart that there’s a freedom found in Love alone.

Ready...or not?

"I'm ready, God, so ready."

Have you ever prayed like that?

I think for many of us, it's a last-ditch effort kind of prayer. It's the, "I'm still here, God, do you hear me?!? Do you see what I'm going through?!?" kind of prayer. It's probably a prayer of desperation--for that long-awaited job, spouse, financial stability, salvation of a close friend or relative, healing, relationship repair...you name it.

Last night I was reading a prayer that started like that in the Bible (David's prayer in Psalm 108 according to The Message version) but that's not what it was about...well, not exactly.

Here's how it goes:

I'm ready, God, so ready,

ready from head to toe.

Ready to sing,

ready to raise a God-song

"Wake, soul!"

...I'm thanking you, God,

out in the streets,

singing your praises

in town and country.

The deeper your love,

the higher it goes;

every cloud's a flag to your faithfulness.

Soar high in the skies, O God!

Cover the whole earth with your glory!

Whoa.

David's "I'm SO ready, God" was expressing his desperation to thank and praise God.But that's not where the story ends:

And for the sake of the one you love so much,

reach down and help me—answer me!

Hold up--David was desperate to praise God...when, at the same time, he was also desperate for help? He was psyched to thank God...when the answers weren't there yet? Wow.

Let's see how God responded to that:

That's when God spoke in holy splendor:

"Brimming over with joy,

I make a present of Shechem,

I hand out Succoth Valley as a gift.

Gilead's in my pocket,

to say nothing of Manasseh.

Ephraim's my hard hat,

Judah my hammer.

Moab's a scrub bucket—

I mop the floor with Moab,

Spit on Edom,

rain fireworks all over Philistia."

Translation? God's basically saying to David (a warrior), "I'm giving you new territory. I've got allies for you in my back pocket. And I'm taking out your enemies."

I kind of wish the prayer ended there.

But I'll be honest--I'm really glad it doesn't. Because it goes on to show a little bit more of David's humanity. After God spoke and basically said, "Don't worry--I'm taking care of you and your situation," David did what a lot of do...he kept on talking:

Who will take me to the thick of the fight?

Who'll show me the road to Edom?

You aren't giving up on us, are you, God?

refusing to go out with our troops?

David's questions here are interesting to me. He is the man after God's own heart--but he's also still a man. A human being. And like a lot of us, he doesn't just want God to answer--he wants the details. He doesn't just want to know what's going to happen...he wants to know how.

The prayer ends as David says:

Give us help for the hard task;

human help is worthless.

In God we'll do our very best;

he'll flatten the opposition for good.

The good news? In the end, David trusted God and admitted the limitations of humanity. However, I also love that David didn't let his limitations stop him from doing his part.

I hope reading this passage (and my little commentary along the way) encouraged you. I know looking closely at David's example and God's way of speaking and answering prayer in this passage was a good reminder for me--to focus on thanking God just for who He is, to listen, to trust His plan for my life and to do my best with whatever "hard task" I encounter.

"In" with God, Masks and Me

I was reading the other day and saw these verses that I wanted to share. They probably stood out to me because they talk about masks and I've been helping with a masquerade coming up. :)

But I also liked this passage because it's a call to committed, real Christianity. Not fake or twisted to conveniently fit our own whims--but genuine and honest. I think that's the kind of faith our generation is hungry for:

"Since God has so generously let us in on what he is doing,

we're not about to throw up our hands and walk off the job

just because we run into occasional hard times.

We refuse to wear masks and play games.

We don't maneuver and manipulate behind the scenes.

And we don't twist God's Word to suit ourselves.

Rather, we keep everything we do and say out in the open,

the whole truth on display,

so that those who want to

can see and judge for themselves in the presence of God."

2 Corinthians 4:1-2 - The Message

It's an honor to serve God--to be "in" on what's He's doing. Nothing I could ever give Him could repay what He's given me. But one thing I've learned is that best gift I can give to God is me--my whole life--staying committed "no matter what" to living a real life of faith and love that draws others to Him.

No masks. No manipulation. No maneuvering.

Just me.

In some ways, that seems kind of scary--it's vulnerable. But when I live that way, when I serve that way, it's actually the most beautiful and pure kind of love I have to offer. And yeah, that may sound cheesy--but it's just me. :)

John Mayer, A Crush And A Question From God

... Who do you love? Me? Or the thought of me?

"I Don't Trust Myself" by John Mayer, Continuum

So I was singing along in my car with John Mayer (this is a common occurrence!) when the lyrics above stood out to me.

A College Crush ...

First, I thought of a former college crush of mine. At the time anyway, he was my "on paper" perfect guy. We had the best things in common ... and enough opposites to make things interesting. He was charming and fun and could always make me smile. And at the same time, we could have these interesting real thoughtful conversations about God and life.

Don't get me wrong--he was (and is) a great guy. But in hindsight, it was the idea of him--or what a relationship with him would be like--that I was probably more interested in at the time.

Sometimes when you're getting to know somebody, you "fill in the blanks" and project onto the other person your ideas of what they are or what they "should" be. Nobody likes to be loved like that. It's not real.

... And A Question From God

So as I was singing along with John in my car, I felt like God was asking me, "Do you love Me? Or the thought of Me?"

Whoa.

It's easy for me to say or sing, "I love you" to God. But to really love Him--the real Him--is different. It means loving Him when He doesn't make sense (to me anyway) or when things aren't peachy "on paper" perfect. It means that I have to stop projecting my own (sometimes ridiculous) thoughts of who He is onto Him and start seeing and knowing the real Him.

I hope that when I say "I love you" to God that it's not flippant or out of habit. That I'm not saying, "I love you" with strings attached. That I'm just saying and meaning "I love you" for real...and forever.

Can a Christian woman be assertive?

To be successful in business, you have to be assertive. This past week, my boss and I were talking about goals, career path and things to work on when she said (something like) this to me:

"Everybody believes in you and speaks well of you.

We're you're biggest advocates ... the only one not speaking up for you is you."

And she's right. At work, I have a hard time saying, "I really want to be involved with Project X. Can someone else take over my current Project Y so that I can focus on X?" (I've actually never said anything like this.) And I struggle with delegating tasks to colleagues v. taking on the world myself. I probably don't say "no" enough to things I'm not interested in (and probably shouldn't be focusing on anymore).

I think part of me feels like it's selfish to stand up for what I want because it means another person will get stuck doing the stuff I don't. It seems that by delegating, I'm in effect saying "I'm above Project X--you take care of it" (even though that's not really my attitude). Or maybe it's because it seems irresponsible to start a project and not see it through all the way. Perhaps part of me wants to see something done in a certain way--my way--versus someone else's.

It doesn't seem humble to tout your own accomplishments to negotiate for what you want--maybe that's why I've let others do it for me. When other people call you a "star", the "go-to girl" and give you awards, it's easier in a way to sit back and and let their praises pave your way.

I think part of me is also afraid of being labeled as assertive--because I've seen people in the real world who are assertive (or maybe "aggressive" is a better word?) to the extreme of throwing values and respect for others out the window.

Isn't this lack of assertiveness common among women--Christian or not?

Yes. A lot of women are shaped by society to be compliant, easygoing, quiet order-takers who aren't necessarily vocal about what they want. Society has ugly terms for women who are assertive--and those labels sting some of us even today.

So what's faith got to do with it?

It may sound silly, but even though I know Jesus was a strong leader who delegated things to others, finding a balance between that strong leadership style and the Biblical principles of "servant leadership," humility and a desire for excellence (read: taking on tasks for my perfectionist self v. delegating) is a challenge.

And though it may not affect me as much as Christian women from more conservative backgrounds, there's still a false perception (based on verses taken out of context) that women are supposed to be "seen and not heard." Even some true Biblical principles about women (e.g. "helpers" in marriage) can be construed as "subservient to men."

Friend v. Leader - How do you find balance?

I've also been in the boat before of being considered a peer or friend versus a leader. And honestly, sometimes I've preferred those labels. It's pretty easy for me to empathize with others, especially people I like and respect. And besides that, being a "relational leader" can be effective.

But as a leader, sometimes you have to make tough calls, talk about hard issues and make decisions that aren't fun--especially when they involve other people's feelings or work (at a corporation or even a ministry team).

Thoughts? Advice?

This is kind of a weird post for me in the fact that I'm not sharing a bunch of answers, but just some thoughts or issues I'm thinking about. Does anybody else have thoughts or advice on this topic?

What NOT to say to Christian singles

I have some pretty incredible friends. And over the years, we've talked (and laughed) about all the weird things Christians say to singles.

So this post is a little commentary on what not to say to single people ... no matter how spiritual it may sound.

1. "All you need is a willing guy."

This comment was delivered to one of my good friends (who is happily dating now, by the way) in front of an entire graduate-level class at a Christian university where she (as one of the few single people) found herself the object of her classmates' curiosity.

This comment is wrong on so many levels--it basically implies that "willingness" to get married is the main quality my single friend should look for in a guy--but doesn't she deserve so much more? This comment implies that my beautiful, smart, fun, and amazing Christian friend is too much (or not enough?) for a cute, smart, fun and amazing Christian guy to handle--and that she should resign herself to someone who's just simply "willing." Ugh.

2. "Why is a great guy/girl like you still single?"

While intended to be complimentary, this question is annoying because:

• It implies that perhaps there's something wrong with the single person that's keeping them single (maybe ... but maybe they just haven't met the right person under the right circumstances).
  
  
• It implies that singleness is completely a choice up to the individual--as if one day you magically wake up and say, "I'm a great girl and I don't want to be single anymore" and then poof! Mr. Right shows up and wants to marry you. I've never seen it happen this way...
  
  
• Single people don't usually like to be reminded of their status. Asking this question is like saying, "Why does such a great person like you have X illness?" (and I used the word "illness" because I think that's how some dating/married people sadly view singleness).
  

3. "God must still be working on something in you before you get married."

This statment is probably true. But isn't God also continually working on all of us (married or single)? This statement implies that to be married, you must be completely mature (spiritually, emotionally, financially)--which is pretty much impossible with imperfect people. There are some things you probably should have in line before you get married...but it's impossible to be completely mature and perfect in every way.

4. "How old are you? You better get married soon before all the good ones are snatched up...and don't you want to have kids?"

Again, this comment implies that we are in complete charge of our (single/married/parental) status. Yes, odds are that "options" decline a bit after time. And most of us don't want to be first-time parents in our 40s. But isn't God bigger than any human timetable? Doesn't He know what's best for our lives? Speakers of these types of comments are not speaking out of faith, but out of fear or doubt in God's provision for their single friends.


5. "Singleness is a gift. Celebrate it."

Okay, I can see that the speaker here wants to be encouraging. Yes, when you're single, you have freedom to travel, volunteer more, make independent decisions, etc. But I don't think singleness itself is a gift--life is. Some people may feel called to a life of singleness (like the apostle Paul), but probably not the majority of us. If God put a desire in your heart to be married, you probably don't have that call. For you, singleness is a season. I think those of us in that boat should make the most of this single part of of our lives' journeys, but it doesn't mean we have to dig our heels firmly in and throw a (pretty lame!) party to celebrate singleness.

More than words...

Words are important. As a writer, I'm paid for my words--how I put them together, how many I write and how I edit them. Words shape how people perceive me and how I perceive them. They can enhance my relationships or separate me from others.

But it's funny ... as important as words are in my life (and probably yours), I'm continually reminded that actions supercede them.

Walking the talk
Here's one example: Today I was reading a Seattle Times' story titled "Christian Leaders: Children Need Homes". The article basically points to the idea that prominent Christian leaders are encouraging believers to adopt and/or support children's charities. One of the key reasons? To answer criticism that Christians, while condemning abortion and gay adoption, don't do enough for children without parents...ouch!

The world is watching you
It brings up the whole idea that the world is watching you (even though you might not know it). Yeah, we as Christians may say we care about people, are pro-life, blah blah blah ... but who really cares what we say? As much as I believe in the importance of "messaging" and the power of words, they're meaningless without action. I can try to look good on the outside, have a great job and have things that are attractive to non-believers. But ultimately, people are watching to see what I'm doing with my beliefs.

Beyond our walls
To take it a step further, I think people are watching to see what we do with our beliefs outside the community of the Church. Yes, we may help kids by volunteering in a Sunday school class ... but what do we do to practically help kids or families in our communities? Kids and families that may even have a greater need for our practical help?

I don't really have all the answers. I really do believe church involvement is a critical part of my life and there's a difference between a good cause and a God cause. But at the same time, I have to ask myself if I'm doing enough to help the world outside of the Church...because it's a world that's confused, lost, orphaned, poor, sick...and in need of my help.

Google faith

Do you have Google faith?
Sometimes I think we approach the Bible like a search engine. Like, "I need to find something to prove my opinions are right—right now." So we look for the right verse—something that will prove a point perfectly … but does it?

What’s the problem?
The Bible was not designed to be a search engine. It’s not built for juicy, newsy sound bytes. It’s a message. A story. Life’s instruction manual. A narrative about who God is, what His Kingdom is all about, and how He created and interacted with people throughout time.

Approaching the Bible like a search engine causes us to miss out on something key—context. If we pick the Scriptures we like without looking at context, we can miss out on their meaning or application to our lives.

The dangers of cherry-picking …
Sometimes it can even be dangerous … cherry-picking Scripture is what cults do, but I’ve also seen it done in mainstream Christianity.

• It’s also dangerous because it can cause us to miss out on intended meaning.
  
• By hand-picking verses, we can become Biblically illiterate or perpetuate Biblical illiteracy (particularly to new believers). How? We get people to say "Amen" (or "Amen" ourselves) to stuff that may not be correct in the context of the whole Bible—this means that people are putting more trust in our opinions as speakers/leaders than they are in the Bible itself.

So what’s the answer?
Obviously, pastors, Sunday school teachers and small group leaders are not all Biblical scholars. Nor do they have the time to always fully explain the context of every Scripture they use in a message. But I think Christian leaders can help people learn how to read and understand the Bible more effectively through our example and how we use verses ourselves.

How do I approach reading the Bible?
So here’s some things I've learned about reading the Bible (mostly from my days at Trinity Western). I’m definitely NOT an expert, but I think these questions have helped me (and may help others) to better understand the Bible and apply it to our own lives:

• What does this verse/passage mean in and of itself?
  
• How does it apply to me?
  
• What comes directly before or after it? (For example, are there any, "If…then…" clauses?)
  
• What’s the context of the particular book of the Bible? (Who is it written to? Who was the author—and what was his purpose?)
  
• What’s the historical context? (For example, how did Jesus treat women compared to what was "normal" or expected during His time in history?)
  
• What’s the relationship between this passage/verse and other things I’ve seen in Scripture? (For example, most Christians believe "God is love." but the Bible also shows that "God is just"—how do those two ideas interact together?)
  
• (And if you want to get really in depth...) What do other reputable Biblical scholars have to say about this passage?
  
  Note: You can usually find out by reading a few Biblical commentaries ... but choose carefully--some can be outdated or in a weird context (e.g. some are anti-Semitic). A few of my TWU professors have written multiple commentaries that I would recommend ... Dr. Craig Evans or Dr. Martin Abegg.