Life Lessons from "Pride and Prejudice"

I have a confession: I will never get tired of Pride and Prejudice.


Not because I'm a Meg Ryan-wannabe circa You've Got Mail. Or because I love the male lead character Mr. Darcy (actually, I don't think a personality like his would work for me). And definitely not because I completely identify with Elizabeth Bennet (sort of...sort of Jane...sort of neither).


I think I love Pride and Prejudice (and always will) because it's timeless. And it's funny. Jane Austen writes about characters that seem strangely like people I've actually met. And the book raises themes and issues that still ring true in 2007. Here are a few examples:

• Family matters. P&P covers a lot of interesting family dynamics--the close bond of sisters Elizabeth and Jane, the domino effects of choices within a family (e.g. Lydia and Kitty's behavior toward military officers, Mrs. Bennet's lack of tact), family expectations (Lady Catherine's hopes for Mr. Darcy's marriage, Caroline Bingley's "protection" of her brother), and more.
  



• (Written) words are powerful. Throughout the book, letters prove to be a significant communication tool that shape peoples' attitudes and reveal their true nature. (I won't give away anything in case you haven't read it yet.) But as a writer myself, it's interesting to think about how careful phrasing is important, how people read (and re-read) written pieces and how much written words can have an impact.
  
  How many of us have read (or re-read) significant notes, cards or letters in our lives? There's something cool about looking at an old high school yearbook, a birthday card from a friend or an encouraging note from a leader ... they can help us remember a moment in our lives and speak to us long after their original delivery.
  


• First impressions are important ... but not always accurate. Throughout the book, first impressions shape "prejudices" and preferences that don't always turn out right. Repeatedly the characters have to overcome their initial impressions of others.
  



• People need an appropriate balance between self-awareness and consideration of others. Mr. Collins never ceases to crack me up ... he's sort of a mix between Michael and Dwight from "The Office". I think it's because of how unaware he is of himself and how people perceive him--and also because of how much he overflatters (and basically, kisses up non-stop) to people undeserving of such admiration. By no means does the book endorse disrespect--but more genuine human respect, grace and kindness for everyone (versus for example, Mr. Collins' favoritism toward those in high society).

Pride and Prejudice is fun, but it also makes me think about these issues (and more) in my own life. And I'm not an expert--but I think the best things in life--the best people in life--are those that are fun and at the same time, challenge me to be better.

Silence, Speech and Beauty

"When she speaks, she will have something worthwhile to say, and she will say it kindly."
(Prov. 31: 26 - The Message)

Have you ever felt like a babbling idiot? Like, in the middle of talking you're having an out of body experience when you ask yourself, "Am I still talking?" "Is this making any sense at all?" "Is anyone still listening?" I don't have these moments often, but found myself in the middle of one recently.

Sometimes I wonder if God looks at me and whispers (in a kind, Dad sort-of voice), "Shh...just be still for a moment. Listen." (Actually, I know He probably thinks that way about a lot of us at times ... I'm thinking Psalm 46:10.)

A week of silence ... ?
A few weeks ago, I had laryngitis. At first, I sounded like a mime (absolutely no voice!). Then I could whisper. For a few days I sounded like a soft rock DJ [ more Michael Bolton, anyone?:) ]. The problem? I kept talking! I tried to stop (really!), but it seemed impossible.

Maybe it's because our church's womens' conference was this past weekend, but I found myself reading Proverbs 31 (the passage that basically outlines the Biblically ideal woman) and I noticed the verse above with a new perspective.

What I learned...
In a world that prizes talking, "telling it like it is" and sarcasm, there's something to be said for listening, deliberate conversation, kindness and discernment.

I don't want to ramble. When I speak, I don't want people to hear the Charlie Brown sound effect, "Wa wa. Wa wa. Wa wa ..." I don't ever want to be one of those people who talks just to hear her own voice.

I want to be respected--someone people look to for valued input and counsel (versus the one who always chimes in with an unwanted idea or opinion). I want people to walk away from a conversation with me feeling inspired and challenged (in a good kind of way!).

"She will add beauty"
(This ties in--I promise!) I always thought my name didn't have a specific meaning because my parents simply made it up (it's a combination of their two names).

But one of the guest speakers at our womens' conference had this thing with names and explaining what they meant and it got me wondering ... what does my name really mean? What does the combination of my Dad's name (Joe - Joseph) and my mom's name (Bonita) really mean? It turns out that Joseph means "He will add" and Bonita means "beauty/beautiful" - together, "She will add beauty" ... how cool is that?

I really hope I will add beauty to the world (or He--God--adds it through me) ... not just through an outward appearance, but through a presence that brightens a room, words that inspire and challenge (see, I did connect the two ideas!) and through a life that makes a difference.

And though the phrase may hold a special meaning to me now, I think everyone can add beauty to their world--through a smile, a not-so-random act of kindness, wise advice, serving someone in need--the list could go on forever. Sometimes simple things are the most beautiful.

More than words...

Words are important. As a writer, I'm paid for my words--how I put them together, how many I write and how I edit them. Words shape how people perceive me and how I perceive them. They can enhance my relationships or separate me from others.

But it's funny ... as important as words are in my life (and probably yours), I'm continually reminded that actions supercede them.

Walking the talk
Here's one example: Today I was reading a Seattle Times' story titled "Christian Leaders: Children Need Homes". The article basically points to the idea that prominent Christian leaders are encouraging believers to adopt and/or support children's charities. One of the key reasons? To answer criticism that Christians, while condemning abortion and gay adoption, don't do enough for children without parents...ouch!

The world is watching you
It brings up the whole idea that the world is watching you (even though you might not know it). Yeah, we as Christians may say we care about people, are pro-life, blah blah blah ... but who really cares what we say? As much as I believe in the importance of "messaging" and the power of words, they're meaningless without action. I can try to look good on the outside, have a great job and have things that are attractive to non-believers. But ultimately, people are watching to see what I'm doing with my beliefs.

Beyond our walls
To take it a step further, I think people are watching to see what we do with our beliefs outside the community of the Church. Yes, we may help kids by volunteering in a Sunday school class ... but what do we do to practically help kids or families in our communities? Kids and families that may even have a greater need for our practical help?

I don't really have all the answers. I really do believe church involvement is a critical part of my life and there's a difference between a good cause and a God cause. But at the same time, I have to ask myself if I'm doing enough to help the world outside of the Church...because it's a world that's confused, lost, orphaned, poor, sick...and in need of my help.