John Mayer, A Crush And A Question From God

... Who do you love? Me? Or the thought of me?

"I Don't Trust Myself" by John Mayer, Continuum

So I was singing along in my car with John Mayer (this is a common occurrence!) when the lyrics above stood out to me.

A College Crush ...

First, I thought of a former college crush of mine. At the time anyway, he was my "on paper" perfect guy. We had the best things in common ... and enough opposites to make things interesting. He was charming and fun and could always make me smile. And at the same time, we could have these interesting real thoughtful conversations about God and life.

Don't get me wrong--he was (and is) a great guy. But in hindsight, it was the idea of him--or what a relationship with him would be like--that I was probably more interested in at the time.

Sometimes when you're getting to know somebody, you "fill in the blanks" and project onto the other person your ideas of what they are or what they "should" be. Nobody likes to be loved like that. It's not real.

... And A Question From God

So as I was singing along with John in my car, I felt like God was asking me, "Do you love Me? Or the thought of Me?"

Whoa.

It's easy for me to say or sing, "I love you" to God. But to really love Him--the real Him--is different. It means loving Him when He doesn't make sense (to me anyway) or when things aren't peachy "on paper" perfect. It means that I have to stop projecting my own (sometimes ridiculous) thoughts of who He is onto Him and start seeing and knowing the real Him.

I hope that when I say "I love you" to God that it's not flippant or out of habit. That I'm not saying, "I love you" with strings attached. That I'm just saying and meaning "I love you" for real...and forever.

Starbucks' Coffee Cup Quote of the Day

"In a world where celebrity equals talent, and where make-believe is called reality, it is most important to have real love, truth and stability in your life."
- Bernie Brillstein, Film and television producer

Interesting Books I've Read Lately

I'm a writer which means that I also actually like to read. But it seemed for awhile that I got stuck in a rut of not reading much outside of work (e.g. the oh-so-thrilling investment world of topics like collateralized debt obligations, subprime mortgages and global tactical asset allocation).

Don't get me wrong--I made time for the Bible and magazine tidbits from Oprah and InStyle...and weird things like the nutrition facts on Lean Cuisine boxes. :) Probably because I do read so much at work, by the time weekends and evenings hit, I was more prone to do other things.

However, lately I'm trying to get more into the "reading for fun" habit. So here are a few books I've read recently...and some tidbits from one of them (the other--equally good--is in my car waiting to go back to the library.

Let Your Life Speak by Parker J. Palmer

This book is all about viewing your life as having a calling. Whether you're called to ministry or to secular work, Palmer believes that all of us are called to be and do something. Perhaps the key question and premise of the book is, "Are you living the life you were born to live?" It's a short book, but definitely philosophical (just in case you're not into that). Palmer is a Quaker and an academic and has very interesting perspectives--most of which I agree with, but some I don't as well. Here are a few interesting quotes that stood out to me:

• "Today I understand vocation quite differently--not as a goal to be achieved, but as a gift to be received...Vocation does not come from a voice 'out there' calling me to be something I am not. It comes from a voice 'in here' calling me to be the person I was born to be, to fulfill the original selfhood given me at birth by God." (pg. 10)
  


• "Our deepest calling is to grow into our own authentic selfhood, whether or not it conforms to some image of what we ought to be. As we do so, we will not only find the joy that every human being seeks--we will find our path of authentic service to the world. True vocation joins self and service, as Frederick Buechner asserts when he defines vocation as 'the place where your deepest gladness meets the world's deep need.'" (pg. 16)
  


• "...there is as much guidance in what does not and cannot happen in my life as there is in what can and does--maybe more." (pg. 39)
  


• "One sign that I am violating my own nature in the name of nobility is a condition called burnout. Though usually regarded as the result of trying to give too much, burnout in my experience results from trying to give what I do not posess--the ultimate in giving too little! Burnout is a state of emptiness, to be sure, but it does not result from giving all I have: it merely reveals the nothingness from which I was trying to give in the first place." (pg. 49)
  


• "Our strongest gifts are usually those we are barely aware of possessing. They are part of our God-given nature, with us from the moment we first drew breath, and we are no more conscious of having them than we are of breathing." (pg. 52)
  


• "We are here not only to transform the world but to be transformed." (pg. 97)

The New Birth Order Book by Dr. Kevin Leman

Maybe it's because I'm a writer, but I have this innate curiosity about people and what makes them tick. Perhaps that's why the whole concept of The New Birth Order Book appealed to me (plus the fact that I'd heard Dr. Leman speak at our church--and thought he was funny and insightful). So I stumbled upon this book at the library and checked it out.
It was definitely interesting. Dr. Leman spices up the book with a lot of personal stories and examples from his role as a counselor. I also liked that the book had sections about how you can apply principles learned about the different birth orders in business, marriage and parenting. I also like the fact that he's careful not to pigeon-hole people into neat and tidy little categories--clearly saying that birth order is simply one factor of many that shapes us all into unique individuals.

Any ideas on what I should read next?

Totally open to your suggestions ...

Why the Puyallup Fair makes me smile

1. One word: Scones.

2. The millions of different ways people can spend hundreds of dollars on...well...junk.

Who really needs a bouquet of wooden roses? A $400 blender? A pink leopard print hat with feather trim? A flourescent green stuffed frog the size of a four-year-old? Anyone?

3. Muttin Bustin'.

This is the newest fair sport where parents pay $10 to throw their toddlers on the backs of sheep. No saddles. No harnesses. Just three year olds holding on for dear life and basking in mini-me rodeo glory. Too cute...

4. Crazy rides

It may be a little known fact, but I LOVE crazy rides. If it goes upside down, backwards, spins in circles or jerks you up and down 8 stories, I'm in. Save the other rides for the kids...

5. It's all about (sometimes goofy, tacky and cheesy) fun.

Can a Christian woman be assertive?

To be successful in business, you have to be assertive. This past week, my boss and I were talking about goals, career path and things to work on when she said (something like) this to me:

"Everybody believes in you and speaks well of you.

We're you're biggest advocates ... the only one not speaking up for you is you."

And she's right. At work, I have a hard time saying, "I really want to be involved with Project X. Can someone else take over my current Project Y so that I can focus on X?" (I've actually never said anything like this.) And I struggle with delegating tasks to colleagues v. taking on the world myself. I probably don't say "no" enough to things I'm not interested in (and probably shouldn't be focusing on anymore).

I think part of me feels like it's selfish to stand up for what I want because it means another person will get stuck doing the stuff I don't. It seems that by delegating, I'm in effect saying "I'm above Project X--you take care of it" (even though that's not really my attitude). Or maybe it's because it seems irresponsible to start a project and not see it through all the way. Perhaps part of me wants to see something done in a certain way--my way--versus someone else's.

It doesn't seem humble to tout your own accomplishments to negotiate for what you want--maybe that's why I've let others do it for me. When other people call you a "star", the "go-to girl" and give you awards, it's easier in a way to sit back and and let their praises pave your way.

I think part of me is also afraid of being labeled as assertive--because I've seen people in the real world who are assertive (or maybe "aggressive" is a better word?) to the extreme of throwing values and respect for others out the window.

Isn't this lack of assertiveness common among women--Christian or not?

Yes. A lot of women are shaped by society to be compliant, easygoing, quiet order-takers who aren't necessarily vocal about what they want. Society has ugly terms for women who are assertive--and those labels sting some of us even today.

So what's faith got to do with it?

It may sound silly, but even though I know Jesus was a strong leader who delegated things to others, finding a balance between that strong leadership style and the Biblical principles of "servant leadership," humility and a desire for excellence (read: taking on tasks for my perfectionist self v. delegating) is a challenge.

And though it may not affect me as much as Christian women from more conservative backgrounds, there's still a false perception (based on verses taken out of context) that women are supposed to be "seen and not heard." Even some true Biblical principles about women (e.g. "helpers" in marriage) can be construed as "subservient to men."

Friend v. Leader - How do you find balance?

I've also been in the boat before of being considered a peer or friend versus a leader. And honestly, sometimes I've preferred those labels. It's pretty easy for me to empathize with others, especially people I like and respect. And besides that, being a "relational leader" can be effective.

But as a leader, sometimes you have to make tough calls, talk about hard issues and make decisions that aren't fun--especially when they involve other people's feelings or work (at a corporation or even a ministry team).

Thoughts? Advice?

This is kind of a weird post for me in the fact that I'm not sharing a bunch of answers, but just some thoughts or issues I'm thinking about. Does anybody else have thoughts or advice on this topic?

The Emmys, The Bible and the Gift of Giving

"To whom much is given, much is expected..."

This past Sunday, these words surprised me. Not because they were unfamiliar--they're from a famous Bible verse. And not because I heard them at church (I didn't this week). But because I heard them while watching The Emmys.

That's right--at a gathering of glamorous Hollywood stars, a verse from the Bible was quoted. Why? Because even celebrities believe in the principles of giving. They know it's important--and a responsibility for anyone who has money, time or talents they can use to help others.

At small group yesterday, we talked about giving...and here are a few things I know for sure:

• Giving is about more than money.
  
  I'm not discounting the fact that tithing and giving financially are definitely important--I think tithing is one of the things God expects Christians to do. But my giving and generosity should go beyond what's in my bank account.
  
  I think giving and generosity involve giving of my time and talents, too. It's also about attitude and motive--I'm not generous if I'm giving to get attention, to gain favor with other people, or just "not to feel guilty." I should be willing to give when no one is watching, when I'm giving to people who aren't in a position to give me any kind of favor, and with a spirit of cheerful generosity (vs. guilt, shame or duty).
  
  
• Cheerful giving is contagious.
  
  Have you ever seen one of those Oprah shows about random acts of kindness? Or shows when she'll give away cars or homes to people in need? It's exciting. It's inspiring. It's fun. Inevitably, after those shows, people in the audience will speak up or viewers will write letters and talk about how they were inspired to start changing oil for single moms or to pay for coffee at Starbucks for the person behind them.
  
  Giving should always be like that--it should be fun. Your cheerful, giving heart should inspire and motivate others.
  
  
• Generosity should be celebrated, not suffocated.
  
  I was talking with another Christian (a pastor's wife from another church, actually) awhile back who said, "At our church, we don't talk about giving or tithing to the congregation. We just have a box at the back and whoever wants to give, gives. And God always provides."
  
  When she said this, something stirred in my heart and I wanted to say back, "That's really sad! It means people in your church are missing out on the opportunity to give. They're missing out on the opportunity to be a blessing to others...and your church is missing out on being able to do more in your community. Yes, your needs are being met...but think of what your church could be doing beyond itself!" It's sad to me that this church is missing the connection between their generosity and their ability to influence and impact their community for Christ (did I mention their congregation is about 60 people and not growing?).
  
  Why is there shame or fear associated with talking about giving at churches? Oprah's not afraid to talk about money. Bono's not afraid to ask people to care and give beyond themselves. And aren't the causes of Christ--seeing people saved and lives changed for eternity--more important than giving them cars or even helping to meet people's physical needs? I think we need to not be afraid to encourage people to give.



• You can never outgive God.
  
  God gives us everything we have--and He always honors a giving heart by continuing to give back even more. He looks to "give seed to the sower"--those who will do something with what they're given.



• By giving, I'm part of making a difference.
  
  When I give to anything--missions, my church, Big Brothers, Big Sisters, whatever--I'm part of making a difference. What I do or give might seem small sometimes, but it's part of a bigger picture. It's important. It's a way that I can stay connected to people and causes I care about...even when I might not be the one who serves on a mission field in Africa, mentors hundreds of kids in Pierce County or preaches to thousands of people every single weekend.



• The opportunity to give comes into our lives every day.
  
  There are always opportunities to give to others--you just have to open your eyes and look for them. It's easy (and convenient) sometimes to turn away, to be oblivious to need, to think "someone else will take care of it," etc. And yes, you probably can't give money or time to every single cause you believe in ... but maybe you can pray for it or show generosity through a kind word or smile.
  


• Giving is an expression of love.
  
  My giving (especially to God) is one way I express my love for Him. It's part of worship. God doesn't want me to love Him or others simply out of obligation or to "check a box" on the "To do" list of Christianity--and I shouldn't give to Him or to others with that attitude either.

Cool Things of the Week - Sept. 9 - 16

CD: "Coco" by Colbie Caillat - This CD is fun. The song "Bubbly" probably characterizes Caillat's signature sound--it's happy, beautiful, falling-in-love kind of music. Caillat has a clear voice similar in sound to Natasha Beddingfield--but her music is light and guitar-driven. Very cool.

Sugar Splurge: A Frosty Float at Wendy's - if you're like me, you probably don't have rootbeer floats very often. But they're good...very good.

New-to-me place: Kent Station. Okay, it probably helped that I went to Kent Station on a gorgeous sunny day in the Northwest. But it reminded me of Downtown Disney (for anyone who has ever been there). Outdoor shopping (complete with outdoor fireplaces!), music, a good restaurant (I only tried one--Pizzeria Fondi).

Movie: "Hairspray." It may have been because I was with a pretty cool group of people--but honestly, I hadn't laughed that hard in awhile! John Travolta was hysterical. But the funniest part was talking with one of my macho guy friends after the show who said, "Probably the worst part was that I found my foot tapping in the theater!" :)

Compare and Contrast

One of my regular writing tasks is to serve as a ghostwriter. Each quarter, I'm responsible for writing a magazine's equivalent to the "Letter from the Editor." You know, that short letter at the front of every magazine that, in 200 words or less, builds interest, tries to say something profound and somehow connects the dots to build a theme for each issue.

This quarter I wracked my brain trying to come up with that thread--that theme--that ties the magazine together. And it occurred to me--most of the stories are about comparing and contrasting (remember those essays you had to write in high school or college?).

Comparing and Contrasting For Grown-Ups?

The magazine I work on is for CEOs, CFOs and Treausurers responsible for overseeing their companies' money--millions and sometimes billions of dollars per organization. But what is one of the key things they're interested in? Comparing and contrasting. They look at how their investments are performing against stock market indexes, how their retirement plan compares to their industry peers' plans, or how their pension plans may be impacting the financial status of their companies.

They're actually using the same "compare and contrast" principles they learned in high school English. And guess what? You probably are, too.

Comparing and contrasting can be useful. Sometimes. It can help you make decisions--about what to wear, what to eat, who to befriend, where to work, what to do on the weekend, which route to take to a new place.

The Danger of Competition

But comparing and contrasting ourselves to others can be dangerous. And most of us do it. We compare ourselves to our coworkers, our friends, celebrities, random people on the street. You know you're in trouble when you look at people you care about as "competition." Ouch.

Comparing and contrasting ourselves to other people is beyond silly--it's dangerous. There's always going to be someone else who's smarter, thinner, more athletic, taller, better looking, richer, more talented, funnier, and more popular than each one of us.

Thank God that He doesn't compare us to others. He calls us to do the best we can with what we have.

The Freedom of Focus

Galatians 6:4-5 (The Message)

Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.

What I get from these verses is that I'm supposed to focus my energy and attention on God and moving ahead with the work He's called me to do. It's my responsibility.

But there's freedom in that focus. If I'm not bogged down by comparing myself to others, I'm free to do my "creative best." And there's something kind of cool about that.

My Secret Life as a Funeral Crasher

Last week I went to the funeral of a complete stranger. [ In case you're wondering--no, I'm not planning on writing a movie/book called "Funeral Crashers" :) ] My boss and I actually went to support a co-worker who was a very close family friend (the man who died was like a second father to her).

Not to sound completely morbid, but it's amazing what you can learn about someone at their funeral. If you know me, you know I'm not really a crier. That's why it was so strange to find myself completely misty-eyed at a stranger's funeral.

It's exactly a week later. And some of the words and themes from this stranger's funeral are still ringing in my head--so I thought I'd share them with you.

"Love outside the lines."

If you read my last post, you know this was my favorite quote of the week. It was the theme of the minister's message, but what probably stands out more were the stories of the man who passed away exemplifying this characteristic--and the stories were really simple. A guy who helped complete strangers move. Who bought softball equipment for kids on the team who couldn't afford it. A guy who loved his neighbors as family. A man who made an event--a BBQ or poker game--just a bit cooler by simply being there and giving respect to those around him.

I don't know if the man who passed away was a Christian. He didn't go to church. But his "love outside the lines" expressed a glimpse of God's generous and extravagant love toward people. I hope that I can learn love "love outside the lines" more often--even in the little things.

"10 Reasons to Have Hope"

The deceased man's brother-in-law gave a short reading on "10 Reasons to Have Hope" based on key Scriptures. I wish I had a copy of it ... but it was just a cool reminder that we can always have hope in a God who understands our humanity, walks beside us and has a purpose for our lives.

"It's clear he was loved. But more importantly, he was respected."

These words came during the "open mic" section of the service from a man in the audience. I think they struck me because it was interesting to hear a man talk about another man in his own words. (If you've read Love and Respect, you'll know what I mean). The men who spoke of the deceased mentioned his love for his family, but talked more about his integrity, work ethic, insight, character--and the validation they found from him simply as a guy they were proud to call their friend.

How Great Thou Art

To close the (VERY traditional) service, we sang "How Great Thou Art." I don't think I have sung that song since high school--I'm much more into modern worship music. But there was something pretty powerful about a gathering of strangers (Christian and not) at a funeral singing "How Great Thou Art," a song that is all about standing in "awesome wonder" of God's greatness and power.

At that moment, my tears faded and I stood in gratitude and praise of this God I have the privilege of actually knowing ... the God who loves me ... that I can actually call my friend. The God that continually teaches me new things every single day. Even through a debut as a funeral crasher.

Cool Things of the Week

New Tacoma Hotspot: Hello, Cupcake! (No, that's not a corny pick up line for 75 year olds, but an AMAZING cupcake bakery near UW Tacoma).

Quote: "Love outside the lines."

Work Perk: Yay for Labor Day off!

Chick Flick: Becoming Jane - Okay, I saw this a few weeks ago, but I hadn't blogged about it yet. It's great...but be prepared because it's also kind of sad.


Cheap Eats: Check out the Olive Garden's Never-Ending Pasta Bowls (though I can't usually finish one!). At $8.95 (including soup and salad), it's a steal. And you've gotta have a Bellini Iced Tea
(iced tea with a bit of peach/raspberry syrup) just for me. :)


Cheesy (But Fun!) Day Out: Monday mini golf with the gang