In hot pursuit

This week I was reminded of a familiar Bible verse that continually makes me smile. It was the special theme verse of my freshman year girls' dorm at Christian college:

"Be merciful to me, O God, for men hotly pursue me..." (Psalm 56:1) *

LOL (3F girls that was for you!). :) Anyway, I was reminded of that idea after reading an article in Boundless (Focus on the Family's webzine for Christian young adults). The article is written for guys and called "Pursue Her." The author (a guy himself!) says:

Rather than saddling up the proverbial steed,

many guys seem to be languishing in the tower,

waiting for their princesses to stumble upon them.

I promise--this post is not a rant against guys.

Although it would be easy for single women to use that kind of verbiage to get on a preachy soapbox targeted at the guys in our lives, I think the core of the author's argument has broader applications for all of us--single, married, guys, girls, old, young. Let me explain a bit...

The author discusses a conversation with his 88-year-old grandfather about relationships. His grandfather pointed to Proverbs 18:22: "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord."

The profound thing his grandpa said to him?

"Find is a verb."

What else does God want us to find?

After I read that, I thought, "What exactly does God want me to find? What are some of the other things God tells us all to pursue?"

This whole idea of active pursuit is interesting in light of common thinking in our world--like the view that, "Everything you need is found within." Wrong!

Repeatedly, God instructs us to find and pursue certain values or actions. I did a search for the words "find" and "pursue" in the Bible and found some things God wants us to go after.

So instead of trying to come up with a creative conclusion to this post, I'll leave us both with a challenge:

Find and pursue ...

• God (Deut. 4:29, Prov. 8:35, Jer. 29:13)
  
  
• Righteousness, faith, love and peace (Prov. 21:21, Is. 51:1, I Tim. 6:11, 2 Tim. 2:22, 1 Peter 3:11)



• Rest and refuge in Him (Ps. 36:7, Ps. 62:1, 62:5, 91:4, Matt. 11:29)
  


• Delight in His Word (Ps. 112:1, 119:35, 119:52, Prov. 4:22)
  


• Knowledge and wisdom (Prov. 2:5, 3:13, 24:14, James 1:5)
  


• Satisfying work (Ecc. 5:18, 9:10)
  


• Joy (Is. 58:14)
  


• What pleases Him (Eph. 5:10)
  


• Grace (Heb. 4:16)

* Note: The author recognizes this verse is taken completely out of context. In this post, it is used for illustrative and entertainment purposes only. It is not an endorsement to pursue stalking (eww...creepy!)--especially the kind that involves "God told me" messages or following a girl everywhere (almost including a womens' restroom). These are real situations that have occurred, but should not be repeated, authorized or attempted at home, church or work--especially by anyone who has the sense to read this post and this crazy disclaimer.

Are Christians Afraid to Think?

A few weeks ago, I found myself in a group where two people were discussing a story shared by a guest speaker at their church.

One questioned the example, "That doesn't make sense to me. It doesn't sound like anything I've heard or read before."

"It's totally true," her friend replied.

"Aww...do you believe everything you hear?" the other said with a teasing tone.

"If it comes from the pulpit, I do." End of discussion.

Something about this conversation bothered me. It was just a casual "debate" between two friends. It wasn't dealing with a major issue of faith. I don't think either of the people involved in the discussion were that serious about their positions. But the logic of, "I just believe whatever I hear from the pulpit" or, taken further, "It's not right to ask questions about anything I'm told at church" didn't sit right with me.

As much as I wish it were true, there's nothing inherently sacred about a pulpit, platform or political office. Great pastors like Martin Luther King, Jr. spoke about dreams from a pulpit ... but so did pastors who were white supremacists. Great politicians like Abraham Lincoln encouraged a country to unify ... but so did Hitler. And all of these speakers--from the great to the horrific--had Christians following them.

Don't get me wrong--99.9% of the time, I completely agree with my pastors and leaders--and trust them as much as I trust my family and very close friends.

"Please (don't!) check your brain at the door ... "

But I think God wants Christians to be more than robots. When we get saved, no one says, "Welcome to church. Please check your brain at the door and take a seat in one the cozy chairs. Just chill, sit still and absorb whatever your pastor/leader/teacher tells you."


We shouldn't be afraid to ask questions--it actually helps us grow and can make our beliefs stronger. Asking questions doesn't mean we're stupid. It doesn't mean that we need to constantly change our core beliefs. And it definitely doesn't mean that should disrespect our leaders. The best students, the most innovative leaders and the best listeners are all good at asking questions. Asking questions simply means that you have a desire to learn--to get to know God, His Word and even your own beliefs--better.

It's one thing to say, "I believe X because my pastor/leader/mom/a televangelist said so." But people who change the world don't just believe something because someone else told them to--they know what they believe.

Even more important, if a non-Christian (or even a new Christian) asks you something about your faith, saying "I believe X because my pastor said so" probably won't sit well with them.

What does this kind of questioning look like?


It means not sitting passively in the grandstands, but being engaged with what you're hearing or reading. It's about approaching life (especially the Bible and Christian messages) with a desire to learn. The kind of thinking I'm talking about doesn't mean being critical or looking for fault.


For example, when I first started working at an investment firm, sometimes I would attend meetings where people talked about concepts or even used words I didn't understand at all. It felt like I was dropped on a different planet where everyone else seemed to speak the same language, but I could only pick up the basics ... kind of like a foreign language camp (not that I ever went to one of those!).

So I started asking questions ... mostly in notes to myself. When I was in meetings and stuff came up that I didn't understand, I'd write down things like, "Look up 'alpha' ", "Ask Jane to explain mutual fund share classes" or "I don't understand why XYZ business unit does something differently. Find out more--and see if we may want to think about adopting their approach."

I think I take a similar approach to taking notes in church--not just writing down the points of the speaker, but sometimes adding my own questions and notes, "I don't understand X. Look up more about it." or "This is a cool verse! What else does the Bible have to say about this topic?" or "This Bible character seems interesting. What else does the Bible say about him? Are there other Bible characters that had a similar experience?"

Keys to keep in mind when you're questioning

• Ask how the topic or issue lines up with the Bible. If you don't know the Bible well, ask someone you trust or check out a Bible search feature for key topics like Bible Gateway). I've also got an older post that covers some questions to think about when you read the Bible (or hear from it in messages) and resources to help (see Google Faith ).


• Consider the source ... For example, is it someone you know and trust? Someone qualified in his/her profession (e.g. are you taking health advice from a doctor)? How does their life line up with what they're saying? (For example, I wouldn't necessarily take relationship advice from someone who has been divorced two times or financial advice from someone whose finances are out of whack.)
  
• ... But understand you can usually learn something from anyone. Credibility can be important, but it only happens over time. Give people the benefit of the doubt. If your main focus is learning and growing, you can usually learn something from anyone--even if it's what NOT to do. :)


• Ask how your question lines up with what you know about God's character. For example, let's say someone tells you, "The most spiritual people are poor--you know, like Mother Teresa" and you wonder, "Is that true?" If you know God as the provider who meets all your needs and the God who wants to make you "prosperous and successful," then you'd know the first statement isn't true.


• Look at the big picture. When you're reading the Bible or listening to a message, keep a big picture perspective--what's the main idea? Don't get caught up in minuscule issues or technicalities.
  
• Realize that there aren't answers to every question. As much as you can learn, there's some stuff that can't be answered or "proven" by anyone on this planet. That's where faith comes in--sometimes you have to trust the truth even when you can't see it.

Can a Christian woman be assertive?

To be successful in business, you have to be assertive. This past week, my boss and I were talking about goals, career path and things to work on when she said (something like) this to me:

"Everybody believes in you and speaks well of you.

We're you're biggest advocates ... the only one not speaking up for you is you."

And she's right. At work, I have a hard time saying, "I really want to be involved with Project X. Can someone else take over my current Project Y so that I can focus on X?" (I've actually never said anything like this.) And I struggle with delegating tasks to colleagues v. taking on the world myself. I probably don't say "no" enough to things I'm not interested in (and probably shouldn't be focusing on anymore).

I think part of me feels like it's selfish to stand up for what I want because it means another person will get stuck doing the stuff I don't. It seems that by delegating, I'm in effect saying "I'm above Project X--you take care of it" (even though that's not really my attitude). Or maybe it's because it seems irresponsible to start a project and not see it through all the way. Perhaps part of me wants to see something done in a certain way--my way--versus someone else's.

It doesn't seem humble to tout your own accomplishments to negotiate for what you want--maybe that's why I've let others do it for me. When other people call you a "star", the "go-to girl" and give you awards, it's easier in a way to sit back and and let their praises pave your way.

I think part of me is also afraid of being labeled as assertive--because I've seen people in the real world who are assertive (or maybe "aggressive" is a better word?) to the extreme of throwing values and respect for others out the window.

Isn't this lack of assertiveness common among women--Christian or not?

Yes. A lot of women are shaped by society to be compliant, easygoing, quiet order-takers who aren't necessarily vocal about what they want. Society has ugly terms for women who are assertive--and those labels sting some of us even today.

So what's faith got to do with it?

It may sound silly, but even though I know Jesus was a strong leader who delegated things to others, finding a balance between that strong leadership style and the Biblical principles of "servant leadership," humility and a desire for excellence (read: taking on tasks for my perfectionist self v. delegating) is a challenge.

And though it may not affect me as much as Christian women from more conservative backgrounds, there's still a false perception (based on verses taken out of context) that women are supposed to be "seen and not heard." Even some true Biblical principles about women (e.g. "helpers" in marriage) can be construed as "subservient to men."

Friend v. Leader - How do you find balance?

I've also been in the boat before of being considered a peer or friend versus a leader. And honestly, sometimes I've preferred those labels. It's pretty easy for me to empathize with others, especially people I like and respect. And besides that, being a "relational leader" can be effective.

But as a leader, sometimes you have to make tough calls, talk about hard issues and make decisions that aren't fun--especially when they involve other people's feelings or work (at a corporation or even a ministry team).

Thoughts? Advice?

This is kind of a weird post for me in the fact that I'm not sharing a bunch of answers, but just some thoughts or issues I'm thinking about. Does anybody else have thoughts or advice on this topic?

The Emmys, The Bible and the Gift of Giving

"To whom much is given, much is expected..."

This past Sunday, these words surprised me. Not because they were unfamiliar--they're from a famous Bible verse. And not because I heard them at church (I didn't this week). But because I heard them while watching The Emmys.

That's right--at a gathering of glamorous Hollywood stars, a verse from the Bible was quoted. Why? Because even celebrities believe in the principles of giving. They know it's important--and a responsibility for anyone who has money, time or talents they can use to help others.

At small group yesterday, we talked about giving...and here are a few things I know for sure:

• Giving is about more than money.
  
  I'm not discounting the fact that tithing and giving financially are definitely important--I think tithing is one of the things God expects Christians to do. But my giving and generosity should go beyond what's in my bank account.
  
  I think giving and generosity involve giving of my time and talents, too. It's also about attitude and motive--I'm not generous if I'm giving to get attention, to gain favor with other people, or just "not to feel guilty." I should be willing to give when no one is watching, when I'm giving to people who aren't in a position to give me any kind of favor, and with a spirit of cheerful generosity (vs. guilt, shame or duty).
  
  
• Cheerful giving is contagious.
  
  Have you ever seen one of those Oprah shows about random acts of kindness? Or shows when she'll give away cars or homes to people in need? It's exciting. It's inspiring. It's fun. Inevitably, after those shows, people in the audience will speak up or viewers will write letters and talk about how they were inspired to start changing oil for single moms or to pay for coffee at Starbucks for the person behind them.
  
  Giving should always be like that--it should be fun. Your cheerful, giving heart should inspire and motivate others.
  
  
• Generosity should be celebrated, not suffocated.
  
  I was talking with another Christian (a pastor's wife from another church, actually) awhile back who said, "At our church, we don't talk about giving or tithing to the congregation. We just have a box at the back and whoever wants to give, gives. And God always provides."
  
  When she said this, something stirred in my heart and I wanted to say back, "That's really sad! It means people in your church are missing out on the opportunity to give. They're missing out on the opportunity to be a blessing to others...and your church is missing out on being able to do more in your community. Yes, your needs are being met...but think of what your church could be doing beyond itself!" It's sad to me that this church is missing the connection between their generosity and their ability to influence and impact their community for Christ (did I mention their congregation is about 60 people and not growing?).
  
  Why is there shame or fear associated with talking about giving at churches? Oprah's not afraid to talk about money. Bono's not afraid to ask people to care and give beyond themselves. And aren't the causes of Christ--seeing people saved and lives changed for eternity--more important than giving them cars or even helping to meet people's physical needs? I think we need to not be afraid to encourage people to give.



• You can never outgive God.
  
  God gives us everything we have--and He always honors a giving heart by continuing to give back even more. He looks to "give seed to the sower"--those who will do something with what they're given.



• By giving, I'm part of making a difference.
  
  When I give to anything--missions, my church, Big Brothers, Big Sisters, whatever--I'm part of making a difference. What I do or give might seem small sometimes, but it's part of a bigger picture. It's important. It's a way that I can stay connected to people and causes I care about...even when I might not be the one who serves on a mission field in Africa, mentors hundreds of kids in Pierce County or preaches to thousands of people every single weekend.



• The opportunity to give comes into our lives every day.
  
  There are always opportunities to give to others--you just have to open your eyes and look for them. It's easy (and convenient) sometimes to turn away, to be oblivious to need, to think "someone else will take care of it," etc. And yes, you probably can't give money or time to every single cause you believe in ... but maybe you can pray for it or show generosity through a kind word or smile.
  


• Giving is an expression of love.
  
  My giving (especially to God) is one way I express my love for Him. It's part of worship. God doesn't want me to love Him or others simply out of obligation or to "check a box" on the "To do" list of Christianity--and I shouldn't give to Him or to others with that attitude either.

Compare and Contrast

One of my regular writing tasks is to serve as a ghostwriter. Each quarter, I'm responsible for writing a magazine's equivalent to the "Letter from the Editor." You know, that short letter at the front of every magazine that, in 200 words or less, builds interest, tries to say something profound and somehow connects the dots to build a theme for each issue.

This quarter I wracked my brain trying to come up with that thread--that theme--that ties the magazine together. And it occurred to me--most of the stories are about comparing and contrasting (remember those essays you had to write in high school or college?).

Comparing and Contrasting For Grown-Ups?

The magazine I work on is for CEOs, CFOs and Treausurers responsible for overseeing their companies' money--millions and sometimes billions of dollars per organization. But what is one of the key things they're interested in? Comparing and contrasting. They look at how their investments are performing against stock market indexes, how their retirement plan compares to their industry peers' plans, or how their pension plans may be impacting the financial status of their companies.

They're actually using the same "compare and contrast" principles they learned in high school English. And guess what? You probably are, too.

Comparing and contrasting can be useful. Sometimes. It can help you make decisions--about what to wear, what to eat, who to befriend, where to work, what to do on the weekend, which route to take to a new place.

The Danger of Competition

But comparing and contrasting ourselves to others can be dangerous. And most of us do it. We compare ourselves to our coworkers, our friends, celebrities, random people on the street. You know you're in trouble when you look at people you care about as "competition." Ouch.

Comparing and contrasting ourselves to other people is beyond silly--it's dangerous. There's always going to be someone else who's smarter, thinner, more athletic, taller, better looking, richer, more talented, funnier, and more popular than each one of us.

Thank God that He doesn't compare us to others. He calls us to do the best we can with what we have.

The Freedom of Focus

Galatians 6:4-5 (The Message)

Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.

What I get from these verses is that I'm supposed to focus my energy and attention on God and moving ahead with the work He's called me to do. It's my responsibility.

But there's freedom in that focus. If I'm not bogged down by comparing myself to others, I'm free to do my "creative best." And there's something kind of cool about that.

The Naked Leader

I realize the title of this post may make some blog readers uncomfortable. But be assured--this is not a post about a nudist colony. :)

After a week at a leadership conference, these are the words that stick out in my (admittedly eccentric) brain.

What's a naked leader?

Someone who is:

• Real


• Open


• Pure at heart


• Genuine


• Honest


• Vulnerable

A naked leader is the kind of person you respect. You want to follow them because of who they are and what they represent (the highest level of leadership according to conference speaker John Maxwell).

Whoa! That's a tough description to live up to (and by the way, as I'm writing this, I'm definitely NOT saying that I do).

The "sheep and goats" leader v. The relational leader

Sometimes as a leader, it's much easier to fall back on a resume--or as one of my friends calls it in the dating scene "bringing out the sheep and goats." (My friend has a theory that even modern guys "bring out the sheep and goats" when they're romantically interested in someone--by talking about accomplishments, successes or history). In leadership, being a resume/"sheep and goats" leader is different than actually being a leader or allowing people to get to know the real you.

I think most of us prefer relational leaders. It's quick and easy to be a resume/"sheep and goats" kind of leader. Being relational takes time--but it's usually more effective. It means being interested in others, building trust, walking more than talking.

Three questions for every leader

In one of his sessions, John Maxwell listed the three questions people ask of every leader:

• Can you help me?
  
• Do you care for me?
  
• Can I trust you?

These questions seem pretty basic. But I think for those of us who are Christians or Christian leaders, they are paramount. Because we represent Christ, if people don't know that we care about them, if they don't think they can trust us, how will they know that God cares about them or that they can trust Him? It's a huge responsibility ... and I can never take it lightly.

Leadership really boils down to integrity--does my life match my words? Am I interested in others genuinely, without preconceived ideas or selfish motives? Am I helpful only when it's convenient for me--or simply because I want to bless someone else?

These are the tough questions that I will probably ask my entire life. But it's my hope that even just asking the questions will help me stay aware of these attitudes and actions in my own heart--and that I'll continue to grow.

Leadership is a great responsibility and a great privilege. But even beyond that--leadership is the call of our lives to influence others.

Can we just talk? Part 3 - It's a guy thing ...

In the final part of this series, I'll give some observations on three types of guys (and issues they may deal with) that lead to lack of clarity in co-ed relationships between Christian singles.

I definitely think there are at least two sides to every story, so I'm not trying to label or pick on either gender, but hopefully to shed some light on the way I see things ... so here goes:

• The Shy or Intimidated Guy

Sadly, there seems to be no shortage of shy or intimidated Christian guys. In a lot of ways, I feel sorry for them. They've probably been burned by mean-spirited girls/women/mothers (Christian or not) who disrespected them in some way. And so they're scared ... to talk to girls, ask them out, whatever.

But when it comes to dating, most guys have to sum up some courage (and most of us girls recognize that). It takes guts to make yourself vulnerable to possible rejection ... but if you can be bold at work, school or in sports, you can handle it. Anything in life worth pursuing takes some risk. Don't take the stupid DTR assessment from Boundless--just be brave and talk.

• The Weirdos

Then there are the weirdos. If you are a guy who women avoid like the plague, you might fall into this category. First, read one of my original posts "10 Things Christian Guys Should Know About Dating" (March). Then, work at looking women in the eye (yeah, we notice when you look at us other ways), getting better at conversation and asking questions, avoiding comments that make others squirm in discomfort, and popping breath mints (sometimes it's the practical things!).

• The Charmers

On the flip side, charming guys have no problem hanging out with women. Lots of them. But if you're a single Christian guy with a charming personality, try not to lead girls on (yep, most of us have those romantic idealist tendencies I talked about in Part 2).

It's okay to be nice and friendly to everyone, but here's a tip if you're a charming guy: pretend your future wife is standing next to you while you're chatting with a single woman you're not interested in. If you knew your future wife was in the room with you, would you treat that other woman differently?

On the practical side, here's how that might look--if you're not interested in a woman and "just trying to be friends", don't regularly compliment her looks, invite her to hang out with you one-on-one, or give her "just because" notes/gifts/flowers, etc. It may sound basic--but if you do these things, you might be sending signals you're not intending to.

So what if you've dealt with these issues and you're still confused about a co-ed relationship?

Like my advice to other women, I guess I'd tell guys to again pray and seek advice from solid Christians you trust.

But unlike the ladies, you can take some action to initiate a relationship. I won't lie--it's definitely a risk. If it doesn't work out, your friendship may be different. But if you're both mature, you should be able to move past it. And if it does work out, you could have a great foundation for a relationship.

More than words...

Words are important. As a writer, I'm paid for my words--how I put them together, how many I write and how I edit them. Words shape how people perceive me and how I perceive them. They can enhance my relationships or separate me from others.

But it's funny ... as important as words are in my life (and probably yours), I'm continually reminded that actions supercede them.

Walking the talk
Here's one example: Today I was reading a Seattle Times' story titled "Christian Leaders: Children Need Homes". The article basically points to the idea that prominent Christian leaders are encouraging believers to adopt and/or support children's charities. One of the key reasons? To answer criticism that Christians, while condemning abortion and gay adoption, don't do enough for children without parents...ouch!

The world is watching you
It brings up the whole idea that the world is watching you (even though you might not know it). Yeah, we as Christians may say we care about people, are pro-life, blah blah blah ... but who really cares what we say? As much as I believe in the importance of "messaging" and the power of words, they're meaningless without action. I can try to look good on the outside, have a great job and have things that are attractive to non-believers. But ultimately, people are watching to see what I'm doing with my beliefs.

Beyond our walls
To take it a step further, I think people are watching to see what we do with our beliefs outside the community of the Church. Yes, we may help kids by volunteering in a Sunday school class ... but what do we do to practically help kids or families in our communities? Kids and families that may even have a greater need for our practical help?

I don't really have all the answers. I really do believe church involvement is a critical part of my life and there's a difference between a good cause and a God cause. But at the same time, I have to ask myself if I'm doing enough to help the world outside of the Church...because it's a world that's confused, lost, orphaned, poor, sick...and in need of my help.

Google faith

Do you have Google faith?
Sometimes I think we approach the Bible like a search engine. Like, "I need to find something to prove my opinions are right—right now." So we look for the right verse—something that will prove a point perfectly … but does it?

What’s the problem?
The Bible was not designed to be a search engine. It’s not built for juicy, newsy sound bytes. It’s a message. A story. Life’s instruction manual. A narrative about who God is, what His Kingdom is all about, and how He created and interacted with people throughout time.

Approaching the Bible like a search engine causes us to miss out on something key—context. If we pick the Scriptures we like without looking at context, we can miss out on their meaning or application to our lives.

The dangers of cherry-picking …
Sometimes it can even be dangerous … cherry-picking Scripture is what cults do, but I’ve also seen it done in mainstream Christianity.

• It’s also dangerous because it can cause us to miss out on intended meaning.
  
• By hand-picking verses, we can become Biblically illiterate or perpetuate Biblical illiteracy (particularly to new believers). How? We get people to say "Amen" (or "Amen" ourselves) to stuff that may not be correct in the context of the whole Bible—this means that people are putting more trust in our opinions as speakers/leaders than they are in the Bible itself.

So what’s the answer?
Obviously, pastors, Sunday school teachers and small group leaders are not all Biblical scholars. Nor do they have the time to always fully explain the context of every Scripture they use in a message. But I think Christian leaders can help people learn how to read and understand the Bible more effectively through our example and how we use verses ourselves.

How do I approach reading the Bible?
So here’s some things I've learned about reading the Bible (mostly from my days at Trinity Western). I’m definitely NOT an expert, but I think these questions have helped me (and may help others) to better understand the Bible and apply it to our own lives:

• What does this verse/passage mean in and of itself?
  
• How does it apply to me?
  
• What comes directly before or after it? (For example, are there any, "If…then…" clauses?)
  
• What’s the context of the particular book of the Bible? (Who is it written to? Who was the author—and what was his purpose?)
  
• What’s the historical context? (For example, how did Jesus treat women compared to what was "normal" or expected during His time in history?)
  
• What’s the relationship between this passage/verse and other things I’ve seen in Scripture? (For example, most Christians believe "God is love." but the Bible also shows that "God is just"—how do those two ideas interact together?)
  
• (And if you want to get really in depth...) What do other reputable Biblical scholars have to say about this passage?
  
  Note: You can usually find out by reading a few Biblical commentaries ... but choose carefully--some can be outdated or in a weird context (e.g. some are anti-Semitic). A few of my TWU professors have written multiple commentaries that I would recommend ... Dr. Craig Evans or Dr. Martin Abegg.