“What have you been up to the past year?”
I paused before answering, “In a lot ways, my life is basically the same—I have the same job, live in the same house, attend the same church. But it seems really weird to say that…because so much has changed.”
As I was catching up with a friend recently, I thought about some of the changes I’ve experienced since the beginning of 2008 (not in chronological order or order of importance by any means!). Some of them are good. Some of them are bad. And some of them, I’m honestly not sure about yet.
Here’s the short list (NOTE: These are mostly changes tied to “events”—we all go through intellectual, emotional, spiritual and physical changes, too—but I’ll spare you from reading about all of those!):
- I had my first-ever surgery (on a broken arm), went through weeks of physical therapy and am now back to normal. :)
- Our young adults’ service at church was revamped and renamed.
- Some friends moved away.
- My company’s CEO changed—and so did some of our senior leadership team.
- My parents started considering moving to Arizona (we’ll see…).
- My best friend got married.
- The financial markets went into a rollercoaster environment—greatly impacting my day-to-day work (and stress levels!).
- My boss was laid off.
- I have a new boss (who, thankfully, I also like).
- Some friends moved back home.
- My middle sister Hannah (and co-owner of my house) was laid off.
- My little sister got married. Congrats Kevin & Holly!
- Our company laid off approx. 20% of people globally, including over 60% of my team—great friends and talented team members are definitely missed.
- Hannah got a great job—and a nice pay increase. Yay!
Some of these bullet points represent major life changes for people I care about deeply—and have significantly impacted my relationships with them. Other changes have impacted me directly—and shaped my day-to-day life.
But guess what? I honestly couldn’t have said or done anything to stop these changes from occurring. In some cases, these events have been exciting…and others have been brutally painful. But these are all changes that “just happened.”
So…what can you (and I!) do when change “just happens”?
This is a tough question and something I'm still trying to figure out. To be honest, I don't know if I ever could figure it out (see #1), but it's a topic you and I will probably wrestle with our entire lives. That said, here's what I'm learning now:
1. Let go...of the need to know "why?"
Particularly when bad, sad or difficult things happen, many of us want to know "why?" And in many cases where I can't control anything, letting go of the need to know "why?" can be healthy (yet especially hard for any "inquiring minds" who have ever been news reporters at any level!).
The drive to know "why?" can be unhealthy in these cases because:
a) Sometimes being a little in the dark is a good thing--with knowledge comes responsibility.
b) The drive to know "why?" can easily morph into a "digging for dirt" mission focused on finding the negative--about people, organizations or situations.
c) The drive to know "why?" can lead you to dive in to situations you were never meant to be in.
2. Let go...of trying to control the things you can't.
This probably sounds like common sense, given the defintion of change that "just happens." But it's not. Sometimes when change happens, an initial reaction is to ask, "What if...?" questions.
But "What if...?" questions are focused on the past. You can't change that. When change "just happens", I think it can be more effective to ask the, "What now...?" questions.
That said, no matter which questions we ask or what actions we take, there are some things outside our control. And I personally believe that's where faith comes in.
3. Hold on...to the things that really matter (and things don't really matter).
It's really interesting to see how people respond to change--especially life-threatening or life-altering circumstances. I've been blessed enough to know some amazing people who, when faced with horrible circumstances, can look for the good.
When my sister lost her job...and I wasn't sure I would keep mine...we would say things like, "No matter what happens, God is still God. We still have our family, our friends, our church, our health. There's a lot to be thankful for!"
Have you ever known someone who has faced a life threatening illness or situation? It's interesting to see their perspectives and how they spend their time. I only wish more of us (myself included!) could live that way always.
4. Hold on...your story isn't over.
One of my friends frequently says, "This too shall pass!" (usually with some laughter) to cope with rocky situations (or crazy annoying people--and let's be honest--we all know them...and we've all probably BEEN them to someone else!). :)
Whenever change "just happens", it can make you feel powerless. Although I can't control the kind of change that just happens to me, I CAN have a say in how it affects my attitude and choices...which affect my future.
