The soundtrack of my life

Have you ever heard a song that is part of your history?

When you hear it, it reminds you of something from your life--a memory, a moment, a person. If your life was turned into a movie, this song would be in the soundtrack.

Maybe it's all the talk we've had at young adults' group lately (see "This is my anthem."), but I started thinking about songs that have been memorable in my own life. Some of them are just plain corny, goofy fun. But I think others resonate with me so much because something in them has become part of who I am or who I want to be.

So here is a list of a few of the songs that would be in my soundtrack...and a little explanation why.

• "The Right Stuff" - New Kids on the Block
  This one just makes me laugh. It reminds me of fourth grade and fun times with my core group of friends...we thought NKOTB was SO cool...and we thought we were, too. :)

• "I Cast All My Cares Upon You" / "I Love You, Lord"
  These two are lumped together because I remember singing them when I was about 7 at the tiny church I grew up in. I think they're meaningful because even then, I felt something when I sang them--maybe they were the first songs I can remember worshipping--not just singing--to. And that's pretty cool.

• "Lean on Me" - DC Talk
  I think DC Talk's "Nu Thang" and "Free at Last" albums came out when I was in the fifth grade or so. For me, they made Christian music just a bit cooler when before, there was just Carman, Michael W. Smith and Amy Grant (all of whom I liked earlier in my childhood). But DC Talk was different. This song in particular was big around my sixth grade graduation when friends (and leaving some) were so significant.

• "Love Song for a Savior" - Jars of Clay
  Ahh...Jars of Clay. I still love this song and its lyrics. I remember hearing a short soundbite of it once during an AP English class in my senior year of (Christian) high school. Someone in the class started singing along to part of the chorus and a group of us ended up joining in. This whole scenario might sound completely cheesy to anyone who's reading this, but that moment became a powerful picture of my senior class for me--no matter how different we were, we had a common love for God.

• "I Will Remember You" - Sarah McLachlan
  High school graduation. Enough said.

• "Celebration" - Kool and the Gang
  This song has followed me through several memorable moments--graduations, New Year's Eve on the millennium. And it's always fun.

• "Love Shack" - B-52s / "Unbelievable" - EMF / "Mr. Jones" - Counting Crows
  These are memorable songs from my TWU days with the 3F Hotties. :) If any of you are reading this, who can forget how Alicia answered her phone with a simple, "Love shack"? Or the "Unbelievable" 2000-2001 TWU challenge skit with us dressed to the hilt in black in the rain? And Carly, Kyla, Jenny and Devyn - I somehow remember one night driving in Carly's cute little red car singing "Mr. Jones" at the top of our lungs. Anyway, I think of crazy fun times with some of the world's most amazing girls whenever I hear these songs.

• "Your Love Will Never Change" - Dave Barnes
  If you've read any of my posts, you know how much I like Dave Barnes' music. This song
  is my ultimate favorite. And I may not know much of the details around my wedding [including kind of important things like...exactly who the groom will be :) ]. But I'm pretty sure this song will be part of it.

• "From the Inside Out" - Hillsong United
  With lyrics like "Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades," this song meant a lot to me during a pretty tough time--it's just a cool declaration of faith and love for God no matter what. And I also remember singing it at an incredible, life-changing night of worship with Hillsong United. What could be a cooler anthem than something like,
  "Let justice and praise become my embrace"? Such a great song.

• "Realize" - Colbie Caillat
  The token soundtrack song about unrequited love. Who hasn't been there?

• "More Than Anything" - Champions Centre worship team
  Another amazing song representing an unforgettable night of worship at my own church.

• "Hosanna" - Hillsong United
  "Break my heart for what breaks yours / Everything I am for your kingdom's cause." Definitely another anthem worship song...and the best way to end my oddly eclectic "soundtrack" at the moment.

Uncomfortable

"I know this looks like a midieval torture device," says my physical therapist. "And well--it kind of is."

She has this sly (perhaps slightly sick?) kind of smile as she velcroes me to a contraption designed to position my recovering arm so that it stays straight.

"I know this may be a little uncomfortable. But it will stretch out the muscles and tissue to help the healing process."

In order to heal, I have to be a little uncomfortable for awhile. It's a basic concept for a girl with a broken arm. But I'm starting to see how it applies to other areas of life.

Being uncomfortable pushes us to be creative and innovative (see sling + bling pictures). It pushes us to change--to just do something. When people get uncomfortable, it makes them speak. It prods them to stand up.

So why are we afraid of being uncomfortable? Why are we scared to make others feel anything even close to slight discomfort?

If my number one priority was to stay comfortable, I'd stay broken. And part of me wonders if Christians (especially in North America) have fallen into the comfortably-broken state of existence. Let me explain ...

Awhile ago, I was talking with a Christian acquaintance. Somehow, we ended up talking about giving at church.

"God has been such a good provider to our church," she said. "Our pastor never talks about giving or tithing--there's just a box at the back of the sanctuary and somehow, there's always enough to cover our expenses."

She smiles, as if to say, "Isn't that wonderful? Isn't it a miracle?"

But my insides are screaming.

I don't remember exactly what I said or how I got out of the conversation. But I wanted to retort back sarcastically, "Wow. Isn't that great? For you--for your church. But think about what you could be doing in our community and in our world? Think about the people who need God. Think about the homeless, sick and poor. These people need you! It's our job as Christians to care for them--but your church can't do it without enough money to look beyond its walls."

Embedded in her story was the fact that her church and pastor wanted to keep people comfortable. They avoided talking about money because--let's face it--people think money is personal. They're comfortable. They have what they need. Why encourage people to do more?

Here's another example--last year, I was driving home and saw a church billboard that said, "Miss hymns? Join us for Sunday worship."

There's absolutely nothing wrong with hymns. I actually like them. But this sign bugged me because of its focus--on keeping Christians comfortable. This church was using its billboard on a busy street NOT to attract the unsaved or even to provide some sort of inspiring message for everyone. Instead, it was aiming to attract the already-saved who wanted to stay in their comfort zones.

If Christians are going to make a significant impact on the world, we have to be okay with being a bit uncomfortable. We have to risk making other people (particularly each other) feel a bit uncomfortable.

To heal, we have to stretch--our hearts, our budgets, our schedules. We have to challenge ourselves. We have to step up.

Because if we sit in comfort, we stay broken--and our complacency shows the world that we don't care.

Related post:

• The Emmys, the Bible and the gift of giving

Sheltered

"Kids that go to Christian school are just so ... sheltered."

It's said in disgust. As if "sheltered" is a dirty word.

I don't know how many times I've heard this statement. And as a Christian school kid, I could come up with a few stories to counter the logic.

But so what? Let's just imagine it's really true--that kids who go to Christian school, kids who are homeschooled, or kids whose parents believe in discipline--are, in fact, sheltered. What's so bad about that?

In defense of innocence

To be sheltered is to be protected, safe. And that actually sounds pretty nice.

Call me sheltered if you want to, but there are some things I'm glad I don't know--even at 27. I don't know what it's like to be drunk. I don't know exactly what marijuana smells like. And I don't know what it's like to have a mullet. :)

If you think about it, God actually intended for humans to be innocent--to not know some of the stuff we know today. Sin entered the world because Adam and Eve ate from the tree of "knowledge of good and evil." Before they did, all they knew was good--all they knew was God and His creation.

Did God want to shelter them? Yes.
Did He do it because He was controlling? No--He did it because He cared.

I'll be honest, sometimes I do feel a bit sheltered. But I don't feel bad about it. I feel blessed, lucky to have the childhood, education and family I know.

Being sheltered is different than being naiive. I don't feel stupid or jilted out of some critical life experience. I can relate to people who are different from me--people who have completely different values and life experiences. I've heard from those who have very different beliefs. I listen to them, I respect them, I love them.

But I know what I believe and why I believe it. And I think that's one of the gifts of being sheltered.

I only wish that more Christians would stop believing the lies that to relate to the world, we have to first experience all it has to offer (and throw our kids into it as well). Things like innocence, modesty, and discipline are worthy of our defense, not our dismissal.

This is my anthem.

What's your anthem? It's a question we're asking at our young adults' ministry. And to process it, I had to write down a few thoughts about what I want my anthem to be.

Do I live it all every single moment? No. But it's who I want to be, what I want my life to say. Loud.

So here's what I have so far:

This is my anthem ...

To love God, to love people--with my life.

To communicate hope.

To brighten the world around me.

To build the Church.

To smile.

To worship.

To believe beyond what I see.

To listen.

To trust that God knows more than me.

To work, play and pray hard.

To think creatively.

To lead by example.

"What now, God?" moments

Have you ever had a "What now, God?" moment?

I have.

And most people I know have faced at least one--sometimes they happen when something unexpected occurs--or on the flip side, when something you do expect doesn't. So what exactly should we do in the "What now?" moments?

On Friday, I was reading about a woman in the Bible named Hagar with a pretty serious moment like this. Hagar was a servant whose master, Abraham, couldn't have children with his wife (even though God promised he would be the father of nations). So his wife told him in effect, "Sleep with Hagar--maybe she'll give you a child." And it happened--but not the way God intended.

As always, God came through on His promise and Abraham and his wife had a child--the Plan A promised child. And Abraham's wife got nervous,so she kicked Hagar and her son to the curb (okay, the desert to be exact).

This was definitely Hagar's "What now, God?" moment. I'm sure she felt abandoned. As a servant, she probably didn't have much choice in the circumstances that led her to the desert--she was in a desperate situation.

But some things about Hagar's story caught my attention, so I thought I'd share a bit of it with you:

She wandered off into the desert of Beersheba.
When the water was gone, she left the child under a shrub and went off, fifty yards or so.

She said, "I can't watch my son die."

As she sat, she broke into sobs.

Meanwhile, God heard the boy crying.

The angel of God called from Heaven to Hagar, "What's wrong, Hagar? Don't be afraid.

God has heard the boy and knows the fix he's in.

Up now; go get the boy. Hold him tight. I'm going to make of him a great nation."

Just then God opened her eyes.

She looked.

She saw a well of water.

She went to it and filled her canteen and gave the boy a long, cool drink.

God was on the boy's side as he grew up.
(Genesis 21:15-19 - The Message)

Even though she may have felt deserted, desperate and alone, God was with Hagar in her "What now?" moment. God cared about what was wrong in her life and encouraged her to let go of her fear. But the words that are repeated stand out to me--"God heard." In our moments of confusion or sadness, God hears us.

The other thing I noticed? An answer to Hagar's prayers was right in front of her face--she just had to look for it.

I think sometimes we have expectations for exactly how and when God will answer our prayers--and those expectations drive how we look at our situations. Sometimes we just have to get a fresh perspective and look at things in a new way. Because in the "What now?" moments, God is always there. We just have to trust He's listening and have the faith to look for His answers.

The Strength to Submit

I'll be totally honest--when I hear the word "submit", even in the Bible, the little feminist inside me cringes a bit.

On the surface, submitting sounds like something for those who are weak, passive, lacking intelligence or backbone.

And after all, I'm a pretty independent person--basically paying my way through college, finding a great job and moving up the corporate ladder, buying a home as a single woman at 24--for goodness sake, I've even done minor electrical repairs (involving a gas fireplace of all things!). :)

But when I look at that list of "stuff," I know I didn't do any of it on my own (and more importantly, how much does that "stuff" actually matter anyway?). A lot of these things have happened because of submitting to God and His principles and often, submitting to the expertise of authority figures in my world (like my parents, mortgage experts and my manager, for example).

This past weekend, I had a new thought about submission. It was in a small group study comparing the:

• Structure of the Trinity: Son submitting in unity to the authority of the Father with the Holy Spirit honoring their authority
  
• Structure of the family: Wife submitting in unity to her husband with children instructed to honor them
  
• Structure of the Church: Leaders submitting to Christ with church members instructed to honor both Christ and leaders

These comparisons weren't earth-shattering news to me--I'd heard them before. But one aspect stood out this time.

As many modern women might agree, the concept of submitting to a husband brings up the ugly connotations of submission I mentioned at the start of this post. But not so fast ...

If I look at Christ's role in the Trinity and life of submitting to the Father's will, those negative views of submission completely disappear.

The thought hit me--absolutely nothing about Jesus was weak. If I am to follow His example, I actually need strength to submit.

Relationships work best when everyone operates from a position of strength.

It's actually pretty easy for me to honor my parents, church leaders and boss because I know they're good leaders who are looking out for my best interests or the best interests of others we all care about. And I'm at my strongest when they can trust I'm doing my best to honor them and those we serve together.

Isn't love generosity?

Yesterday I was listening to a new CD called "You, Me and the World" by one of my all-time favorite musicians, Dave Barnes. Besides amazing vocals and guitar, one of the things I love about his music is the lyrics--embedded with messages about love, justice and faith.

The first song on the CD is titled "Brothers and Sisters" and has this line I love--"Isn't love generosity?"

The whole song is about justice in action--a topic on my heart and one I've seen in the hearts of my church and Christian friends around the world.

And as if the song wasn't reminder enough [this is how God speaks to me sometimes...repeatedly to make sure I get the message :) ], I was doing my regular reading and saw these verses:

The way we know we've been transferred from death to life

is that we love our brothers and sisters.

Anyone who doesn't love is as good as dead.

...Let's not just talk about love;

let's practice real love.

This is the only way we'll know we're living truly,

living in God's reality.

It's also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism,

even when there is something to it.

For God is greater than our worried hearts

and knows more about us than we do ourselves.

(I John 3:14-15, 18-20 - The Message)

I love this passage...but noticed that the last few lines seem a bid odd at first glance.

What does shutting down self-criticism and overcoming worry have to do with love?

Maybe the passage is saying that to really love others God's way, we have to "get over" ourselves. Love requires faith. We have to trust that God can make a difference through us--even though we're imperfect. We have to believe He's with us and will help us overcome the barriers to practical love--like fear, lack of financial resources or even prejudicial stereotypes.

When we do that, in the catchy rhythm of Dave Barnes' new song, "I believe that we can change the world."