Chicks, Cliques and Captivating Beauty

Last night I went to Applebee's for dinner and ended up having a conversation about one of the character qualities I appreciate most in other people I consider role models, mentors and friends.

What is it?

The ability to be authentically themselves and demonstrate Christ's grace and kindness to others--regardless of economic class, popularity or convenience.

There's this friend I know, for example, who has the ability to make everyone she meets feel special and important--whether it's a 12-year old girl, an awkward guy, an older couple or a leader.

Chicks and Cliques

As I talked last night at dinner with another friend, we reflected on just how rare that quality is. Most people--particularly women--find it easier to stay within the comfort zone of a clique (I'll be totally honest and include myself in this camp sometimes). Some will talk to you with roaming eyes--scanning the room to talk with a guy or someone else just a little bit cooler. Sometimes, they'll act differently around the person they're trying to impress or treat you differently when that guy/girl walks in the room.

I really haven't met too many guys who have this hang-up--why does the clique mentality seem to be a female phenomenon?

My smart dinner companion had an interesting idea, "Maybe it's a security thing. Most women like security and it's 'safe' to stay with the familiar," she reasoned, "Some reach up to impress those who are popular, pretty or wealthy--ignoring those who don't meet their status standards. On the flip side, others avoid the girls who may fit the pretty, popular and higher economic status labels because they're jealous, intimidated or have preconceived ideas of what those girls will be like."

Hmm...

Captivating Beauty

Later that night I was at home doing my regular Bible reading and read this passage:

Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs.
There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God,
will be captivated by your life of holy beauty.
What matters is not your outer appearance—
the styling of your hair,
the jewelry you wear,
the cut of your clothes—
but your inner disposition.
Cultivate inner beauty,
the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in.
The holy women of old were beautiful before God that way,
and were good, loyal wives to their husbands.
Sarah, for instance, taking care of Abraham,
would address him as "my dear husband."
You'll be true daughters of Sarah if you do the same,
unanxious and unintimidated.
1 Peter 3:1-6
(The Message)

I like this passage because it shows me how to overcome that insecure, fakey clique mode--and how to be captivatingly beautiful. That kind of beauty--the kind of beauty God (and the right guy) delight in--is about an inner character of grace, kindness, bold confidence and security.

Don't get me wrong--I thing most of us girls still like to look good on the outside. But for all the time and energy I dedicate to fixing my hair and finding cute clothes--it's completely meaningless if I forget to prioritize building a beautiful heart, mind and spirit--molded by God and the wisdom of His Word.

The next time someone tells me, "You're beautiful," I hope they won't just think about my appearance, but that I can somehow demonstrate a glimpse of that captivating kind of beauty that makes my Savior proud.

What's the significance of a spark?

How much of a difference can a spark make?

A lot if you asked Smokey the Bear, friends after first dates, or auto mechanics.

A spark starts small, but can indicate that something bigger is possible. Sparks can keep fires, romance or cars going.

Or they can just fizzle out.

Have you ever met people who are "sparklers"? I love those short metal sticks we'd light as kids on the Fourth of July--but they only lasted a few seconds.

I've definitely met several guys like this. They're those charming guys who I felt a "spark"
with--where there was this instant chemistry (sometimes witnessed by other friends of mine). Only to later find out those guys were natural "sparklers" who had "instant chemistry" with several girls at once.

The other kinds of sparklers I've met? Some Christians. Have you ever known people who are "sold out" to Jesus, volunteering on five different ministry teams at church, sharing Christ with friends and "on fire for God"....for like, a month? As soon as things get hard or maybe more exciting somewhere else, they disappear.

The spark of excitement is awesome! But it's better when it lasts longer--when it doesn't fade because I have a day with bad hair and lack of wit (in the case of a romantic spark) or when things in my life and relationship with God are far from perfect.

A spark is a start. But some things, like faith, should grow into forest fires--just don't tell Smokey.

Verse of the Week

The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God,

this faith,

is the firm foundation

under everything that makes life worth living.

It's our handle on what we can't see.

~ Hebrews 11:1 (The Message)

My date with the Bachelor (circa 2003)

(Had to write this story since a few of you asked)

There's a famous quote that says something like, "Every day, do something that scares you."

I'm not exactly a huge risk taker, but I (sometimes) deliberately do things to push myself. Getting more to the point--dating can be scary. But blind dates? Even scarier.

Let's rewind to 2003. I had just finished college and started working. I had moved back home--away from most of the friends who had become like my second family. And I was a little bored.

So I randomly decided to enter this radio contest for "The World's Biggest Blind Date"--a breakfast/party hosted by a radio station featuring an appearance by the Bachelor at the moment.

I didn't have a crush on him or anything, but knew my new work colleagues (reality TV fans) would get a kick out of it. And I knew that a) it would be fun or 2) I would get a good story.

On the morning of the date, I wore this cute dress, drove up to Bellevue Square and got out of my car at the restaurant. I had this mini panic moment, "What am I doing here? Why am I doing this?" But I pushed past it and walked through the doors of the restaurant. By myself.

My blind date was this guy named Jeff. He was actually really nice and we carried on a good conversation. We laughed and there wasn't a lot of weird awkward silence. It probably helped that both of us were just there to have fun. He wasn't a Christian and there wasn't a "spark", so I knew I wouldn't date him...but it was cool to walk into this big room full of complete strangers and to know that I could have fun and make a friend for the day.

So at the end of the morning, Bachelor Bob came to the event and I stood in line to get a souvenir picture. I didn't get to talk to him a lot, but he was nice...definitely a charmer kind of guy...you know? Like one of those waiters who instantly calls you "sweetie" (even when you're both the same age) and bends down at the table so he can look you in the eyes closely.

I got back to work and shared the picture with my coworkers. And then my Dad called for the date debrief. As part of the conversation, he asked, "Did you see any TV cameras there?'

"No--not at all."

Later that day, I got a few phone calls. "I saw you on TV!"

What?!?

It turns out that Bob was interviewed on a local TV show that afternoon. The host asked, "What do you think of the women in Seattle?"

"They've been really nice...and there's definitely some gorgeous girls in Seattle," Bob answered. All of the sudden, the screen flashed to video footage of the Bachelor with his arm around me.

So that's the story. Not necessarily riveting, but a random, fun life experience.

I almost forgot something weird that happened later--about a month after my date. My sister and I were on vacation near Vancouver, BC (near my alma mater). We were in the elevator of our hotel and it stopped on another floor on our way to the lobby. The doors to the elevator opened and this familiar-looking guy walked on.

"Are you...Jeff?"

It turned out to be my blind date from Bellevue in the middle of BC. What are the odds of something like that happening? It's definitely a small world sometimes...

A Broken Arm, Ego and Encounter With Dr. McHottie

It's Saturday night. And I'm hanging out with friends--at the rollerskating rink--a place I last visited when I was about 12.


Maybe there are some things that should've retired in 1992--Hypercolor t-shirts, poufy Adidas jackets--and me on rollerskates.

Within the first five minutes, I was breakdancing on the rink, but not the cool kind. I fell. And crashed with my full body weight on my left arm as the seven-year-olds whizzed by. Almost immediately, it swelled up like the arms of Popeye, but in this weird, mangled way. Not pretty.


My sister drove me to the ER and I sat in the world's most uncomfortable chairs for a half hour (which actually isn't that bad!) in the worst physical pain of my life.


We then headed to X-ray. This lady walked out of the x-ray room holding her arm just like me.


"What happened to you?" I asked.


"My horse kicked me," she replied. "Gosh--doing those x-rays hurt like crazy--and your arm looks a lot worse than mine."


Hmm...just what I wanted to hear. Thank God for His favor and strength. The x-ray technician was really nice. He told me, "Okay, here's the direction your arm needs to go," and then he motioned, helped me to move the arm slowly and used shoeboxes to help stabilize it. I'm not going to lie--moving my Popeye arm hurt. But I survived without screaming or tears.


"You are seriously my star patient of the day," he said. He gave me a pillow to prop up my arm and led me to an ER room. It was so great to lean back on the cot and rest a minute, my arm propped up (finally!). My spirit was up, the color returned to my face and I was starting to feel better.


Then the doctor walked in.


"Hi. I'm Dr. McHottie," he said (okay--he didn't really say that, but I believe in doctor-patient confidentiality).


He smiled at me with these warm brown eyes, dimples and perfect teeth. "How did you hurt your arm?"


So then I had to tell the whole sad story to McHottie. But he was really cool and oozed confidence. We laughed, joked back and forth and had this whole witty banter thing going on...like this spark.

Then he told me the news, "You broke and dislocated your arm. And we're going to reposition it back into place."

I started to have this vision of doctors popping dislocated bones into place on shows like "ER" and "Little House on the Prairie" with the patients screaming in the background. And McHottie sensed my fear.

"Don't worry--you'll be asleep. You won't feel a thing," he smiled like some guy on a toothpaste commercial and brushed his hand along my arm (the good one).

My family prayed for me before the anesthesiologist (aka miracle worker) did his thing.

When I woke up, my sister and Mom started talking, "Umm...we thought you might want to know," Mom started, "While you were out, you kept going on and on about the doctor."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah," Hannah chimed in, "You kept gushing on and on about the guy."

Even on morphine, I was completely mortified. The color drained from my face again.

"No, not really," Hannah broke the joke. "I think you were talking about work. You kept using all of these big words I've never heard before." Whew!

When the doctor returned to check on me, he asked, "Can you make an 'OK' sign?"

Thankfully, I did.

"Umm...I meant with your other hand. You know...the one in the sling," he smiled.

So now Dr. McHottie will remember me as Miss McIdiot. I think my ego is broken, too. :)

The God I Know

Will Ferrell and I don't have a lot in common (except wild curly hair). But sometimes I identify with Will's character in "Elf."

Have you ever had an (admittedly goofy) moment with God where you've felt like Buddy the Elf wanting to scream, "I know Him! I know Him!" with passionate childlike excitement and wonder?

Last night I was reading in Hebrews when I had one of those moments. Here's what I read (it seems a little long on screen, but I promise it's good):

This new plan I'm making with Israel isn't going to be written on paper,

isn't going to be chiseled in stone;

This time I'm writing out the plan in them,

carving it on the lining of their hearts.

I'll be their God,

they'll be my people.

They won't go to school to learn about me,

or buy a book called God in Five Easy Lessons.

They'll all get to know me firsthand,

the little and the big, the small and the great.

They'll get to know me by being kindly forgiven,

with the slate of their sins forever wiped clean.

(Hebrews 8:10-12 - The Message)

...the blood of Christ cleans up our whole lives, inside and out.

Through the Spirit, Christ offered himself as an unblemished sacrifice,

freeing us from all those dead-end efforts to make ourselves respectable,

so that we can live all out for God.

(Hebrews 9:14 - The Message)

His death marked the transition from the old plan to the new one,

canceling the old obligations and accompanying sins,

and summoning the heirs to receive the eternal inheritance that was promised them.

He brought together God and his people in this new way.

(Hebrews 9:17)

The "I know Him!" moment...and other things I love about these verses

• I love the picture of God's plan carved on my heart. It makes me know that by accepting Christ, His plan and purpose are permanently engraved on my life--that my life is forever marked by this "carving" that identifies me as His.
  
  
• I love the fact that God isn't so flat or impersonal that He could be known in "Five Easy Lessons." Like you and me, He's complex. Knowing Him is an ongoing process. It allows us to continually experience newness, freshness in our relationship.
  
  
• Here's my "I know Him!" moment--I love that I get to know God firsthand--that He cares about the little and the big things in my life, that He cares about me whether or not I'm a little or a big deal in the eyes of others. Regardless of my "goodness", talent, status, or looks--He loves and forgives me. As is.
  
  
• I love that God frees me from my own dead-end efforts to be respectable. That He offers me freedom to live committed "all out" for Him...because real freedom is only found in that commitment. I realize that may sound like a paradoxical cliche, but I know it's true.
  
  
• I love that through Christ, I moved from being like a slave bound by sin and obligation to being an heir, brought together with God. What an interesting picture of the dramatic difference salvation makes in our lives.
  

I think part of the miracle of Easter--of Christianity--is the fact that not only do I get to know God, but that I get to know a God who empathizes with what it's like to be me. Jesus isn't just perfect, He's personal. He's not just all-knowing, He knows what it's actually like to live on this planet, deal with real people, feel human love, friendship, pain and betrayal.

God isn't distant, but as close as my Dad. I don't have to shy away from His presence, but can be bold like a little kid (or even an Elf), excitedly barging in just to talk or simply say, "I know Him!"

"Hey! You look like..."

"Hey! You look like Snow White," someone once said to me. (Okay, so lots of people have said this to me.)

"No--she's more Betty Boop--sexy and sassy," someone else chimed in. (Can you see me blushing here?)

Once, when I was in junior high, I was at the Puyallup Fair and this woman stopped me. "Has anyone ever told you that you look like Marie Osmond?"

"Thanks," I replied. "Who's Marie Osmond?"

If I had known at the time, a fun reply would have been, "I'm a little bit country...and for three easy payments of $19.95, you too can own a new porcelain doll from my collection."

I really hope the woman was implying that I looked like the cute Marie in her younger years...and not the Marie that's about the same age as my parents which brings me to...

Rule #1: When telling someone that they look like someone else, only do so when the person you choose is known for being attractive.

As in, "Has anyone ever told you that you look like Charlize Theron?" (I've actually had this one a few times, too. And the answer? "What was that again? Oh...thanks! Did I ever tell you how much I love you?") :)

DON'T say, "Has anyone ever told you that you look like Napoleon Dynamite?" (Someone actually said this to a guy friend of mine--who will remain nameless for the sake of his ego.) Definitely avoid choosing celebs like Donald Trump, Janet Reno or Rosie O'Donnell--no one will feel flattered by these comparisons.

And while I honestly don't mind being compared to the cartoon people I mentioned above, it's probably a good move to avoid comparing people to Shrek or Ursula from the Little Mermaid-- the not-so-safe cartoons for lookalike comparisons.

Rule #2: Avoid cases of mistaken identity. Be especially cautious before hugging, kissing or grabbing at someone in public.

A few weeks ago I was at young adults' group and this guy--a complete stranger--saw me from across the room. He started walking up to me quickly with this huge smile and exclaimed, "Hey!" in this familiar way. He began to put his arms around me in this big hug when suddenly he saw the puzzled expression on my face. "I...I'm sorry. It's just that you look like this girl I know..."

I felt SO bad for this guy (I really didn't mean to look that terrified). "It's okay--don't worry about it," I smiled and shrugged. I honestly don't remember what happened next. I think the poor guy flew out of the room hoping I wouldn't remember his face (and it worked).

I know this is a really random post. The moral of the story? If you happen to tell someone, "Hey! Has anyone ever told you that you look like Janet Reno?", it is possible to lessen the effect of embarrassment and the likelihood that he/she will pin you to the ground with his/her linebacker physique...by running out of the room as fast as possible. (Okay, not the moral exactly...but hopefully this post was fun to read anyway.)

My best friend's wedding...and the friendship link

My best friend just got engaged!

I am really excited for both Devyn and Ryan (who I just recently met--great guy).

This weekend, my pastor talked about the power of relationships and the influence they can have on our lives. It made me reflect on my friendship with my best friend Devyn, how our friendship has changed over the years and some of the ways our friendship may be different going forward.

So here are some random thoughts about our friendship (and I may have to remember these for a wedding toast or cards sometime soon). :)

"Are you guys sisters?"

I don't know how many times Devyn and I have been asked this question. We don't look that much alike (we both have big eyes and smiles, though). But I think we frequently had this question come up because of the power of influence we had on each other (which is a lot after 12 years!). In high school, we started using some of the same catch phrases, our mannerisms started to become similar, sometimes we would (unintentionally) show up at school in matching or coordinating outfits (which isn't exactly cool past the fourth grade).

The best friends challenge you to grow.

Devyn and I are both a bit competitive...but I mean that in the best way. We both have this inner drive to do well at the things we're interested in. And when your best friend has a "go for it" kind of spirit, it pushes you to be your best. We challenged each other academically. We encourage each other to go for other things--from "The Sound of Music" in high school to a four-year university (when neither one of us knew how exactly we were going to pay for it all--with God's help, scholarships and a lot of hard work, we both made it!) to a European trip post-college (so much fun!).

I remember being undecided in my major when I first started at TWU. I would say things like, "I'm not exactly sure what I want to do...but that magazine writing class sounds cool." And she said something like, "You love it and you're good at it--check it out. I think communications might be a good fit for you." She was right. And it was a decision that shaped my life.

There's a God connection factor.

We met in algebra class. We went to the same high school and college. We both have two younger sisters (she also got a surprise little brother when we were 15). We both sing and like to shop. We both bought our first new cars and got our first full-time post-college jobs within a month of each other.

But those things are all pretty trivial compared to this inexplicable friendship and faith bond that we have. I think we're like Naomi and Ruth or Jonathan and David kind of friends. I feel pretty blessed to have a friend like that--someone I've not only laughed (a lot!) and cried with, but someone who I've prayed with, who prays for me (and vice versa) and just has a pretty similar faith perspective. As a pastor's kid, (almost) seminary grad. and soon-to-be pastor's wife, she knows what it means to be committed to God, church and ministry as life.

And the future?

I always knew that the day would come when Devyn would have a new best friend. And I'm really glad it's someone like Ryan.

I know our friendship will change over time as our lives and experiences change...but I will not take the God connection friendship we have lightly. I'm pretty sure it will keep us friends for life and actually, forever (as long as God doesn't have us wear matching outfits in heaven...that might be a little embarassing). :)

And something else? I'm kind of psyched to find a new God connection, best friendship with the most amazing guy I'll ever know...he might be a bit of a mystery now, but the possibility that he's out there is pretty cool.