Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Hi. It's me--God. Are you listening?

When God's trying to get your attention, He may not audibly announce it--like, "Hi. It's me--God. Are you listening?" So how do you hear, see and know His direction for your life?

The "Idiots" of the Bible

If you're like me, you've probably laughed at some of the people in the Bible before.

You know, people like Gideon who asked God for direction for His life--complete with a million signs--that God graciously gave him (and as a side note, if you read closely, you'll see that Gideon actually got an extra bonus sign he didn't even ask for--see Judges 7:13-15).

Or maybe you've been annoyed with the children of Israel, who had problems trusting the God who miraculously freed them from slavery, parted the Red Sea, guided their (literal) steps with a cloud and pillar of fire, and provided food miraculously for them every single day.

If you're like me, you've probably thought, "These people are idiots! God was right there. He was guiding them--sometimes even talking to them audibly--and they still couldn't trust Him!"

But wait, there's more ...

(I felt a bit like an infomercial spokesperson writing that, but it's true!). Hold on before you get carried away in your criticism of the "idiots." Because when it comes to trusting God, I know I've been an idiot before ... and odds are you have, too.

Yes, there have been times in my life where I've felt like God was silent. But with the benefit of hindsight, sometimes I've seen that He wasn't--I just might not have been listening or looking for His direction when it was right there. Or maybe it came in an unexpected way.

I think that asking for God's direction is definitely the first step. But actually trusting Him enough to listen or look for answers is also key. And usually, God is gracious enough to put answers in front of your face repeatedly.

The Real Story...

Take this topic, for example. I'm writing about it because I think it's a reminder that God has put in my own heart recently.

I'm organized. I'm detailed. I actually LIKE planning. (I know some of you will think this is completely bizarre--but it's how I'm wired.) For the most part, these are good traits God put in me that actually have helped my life. But when it comes to asking for God's direction--and trusting Him--it has sometimes meant that I've wanted a burning bush, an audible voice, Mapquest-GPS-style step-by-step directions ... or, better yet, a tour guide and driver with a comfy town car.

But I've been reminded recently that God doesn't always work that way. And honestly, would life be as much fun if I knew every single detail in advance? Here's a few of the ways God has reminded me of this message (trust Him, look for His guidance) in the last two weeks:


  • Our small group series on "Friends and Family" touched on God-assigned connections--people God puts in our lives for a reason. It made me feel grateful for the signature of God on some of my friendships ... and also made me wonder, "Are there God-assigned connections in my world that I've been missing? Am I actively looking for them?"

  • A conversation with a fantastic God-assigned connection I hadn't seen in awhile ... who spoke honestly and openly about trusting God in her own life. Her example of hope and strength was really encouraging and inspiring to me.

  • A sermon by a guest speaker titled "I See" about how your perspective shapes your experience. In this message, the speaker talked about the story of Abraham and Isaac and how Abraham really exemplified such faith and trust in God (without Mapquest directions!).

  • The day after the message, I was reading in my regular devotional time. I've been reading Romans lately and lo and behold, came across some amazing verses on this exact same topic (and Abraham's story again, too, by the way). They're so good, that I thought I'd also include them here:

Romans 4:4-5

If you're a hard worker and do a good job, you deserve your pay;
we don't call your wages a gift.
But if you see that the job is too big for you, that it's something only God can do,
and you trust him to do it—you could never do it for yourself no matter how hard and long you worked—well, that trusting-him-to-do-it is what gets you set right with God, by God.
Sheer gift.

Romans 4:13-15

That famous promise God gave Abraham—that he and his children would possess the earth—was not given because of something Abraham did or would do.
I
t was based on God's decision to put everything together for him,
which Abraham then entered when he believed.
If those who get what God gives them only get it by doing everything they are told to do and filling out all the right forms properly signed, that eliminates personal trust completely and turns the promise into an ironclad contract!
That's not a holy promise; that's a business deal.
A contract drawn up by a hard-nosed lawyer and with plenty of fine print only makes sure that you will never be able to collect.
But if there is no contract in the first place,
simply a promise—and God's promise at that—you can't break it
.

Hmm ... do you think it was a coincidence? Or is God trying to get my attention? He used a few messages, a friend and His Word to remind me of something very essential to my life--that faith is required. That I have to trust in His promises--even when I may not know exactly how they're going to happen.

Because I'll fail if I try to do everything myself, in my own strength of detailed organization and control. I have to leave space for God's undeniable fingerprint--enough to where I can step back and look at situations in my life and go, "Whoa! That wasn't me--that wasn't possible--without God." And yes, I'll probably still be an idiot sometimes ... but hopefully, I will be continually learning to depend on God's strength and guidance.

Monday, August 27, 2007

What NOT to say to Christian singles

I have some pretty incredible friends. And over the years, we've talked (and laughed) about all the weird things Christians say to singles.

So this post is a little commentary on what not to say to single people ... no matter how spiritual it may sound.

1. "All you need is a willing guy."

This comment was delivered to one of my good friends (who is happily dating now, by the way) in front of an entire graduate-level class at a Christian university where she (as one of the few single people) found herself the object of her classmates' curiosity.

This comment is wrong on so many levels--it basically implies that "willingness" to get married is the main quality my single friend should look for in a guy--but doesn't she deserve so much more? This comment implies that my beautiful, smart, fun, and amazing Christian friend is too much (or not enough?) for a cute, smart, fun and amazing Christian guy to handle--and that she should resign herself to someone who's just simply "willing." Ugh.

2. "Why is a great guy/girl like you still single?"

While intended to be complimentary, this question is annoying because:

  • It implies that perhaps there's something wrong with the single person that's keeping them single (maybe ... but maybe they just haven't met the right person under the right circumstances).

  • It implies that singleness is completely a choice up to the individual--as if one day you magically wake up and say, "I'm a great girl and I don't want to be single anymore" and then poof! Mr. Right shows up and wants to marry you. I've never seen it happen this way...

  • Single people don't usually like to be reminded of their status. Asking this question is like saying, "Why does such a great person like you have X illness?" (and I used the word "illness" because I think that's how some dating/married people sadly view singleness).
3. "God must still be working on something in you before you get married."

This statment is probably true. But isn't God also continually working on all of us (married or single)? This statement implies that to be married, you must be completely mature (spiritually, emotionally, financially)--which is pretty much impossible with imperfect people. There are some things you probably should have in line before you get married...but it's impossible to be completely mature and perfect in every way.

4. "How old are you? You better get married soon before all the good ones are snatched up...and don't you want to have kids?"

Again, this comment implies that we are in complete charge of our (single/married/parental) status. Yes, odds are that "options" decline a bit after time. And most of us don't want to be first-time parents in our 40s. But isn't God bigger than any human timetable? Doesn't He know what's best for our lives? Speakers of these types of comments are not speaking out of faith, but out of fear or doubt in God's provision for their single friends.


5. "Singleness is a gift. Celebrate it."

Okay, I can see that the speaker here wants to be encouraging. Yes, when you're single, you have freedom to travel, volunteer more, make independent decisions, etc. But I don't think singleness itself is a gift--life is. Some people may feel called to a life of singleness (like the apostle Paul), but probably not the majority of us. If God put a desire in your heart to be married, you probably don't have that call. For you, singleness is a season. I think those of us in that boat should make the most of this single part of of our lives' journeys, but it doesn't mean we have to dig our heels firmly in and throw a (pretty lame!) party to celebrate singleness.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

The Friends and Family Plan - Part 2: My Circle

Part of the "Friends and Family" discussion in my small group led to later conversations about different kinds of friendships we have in our lives.

I thought I'd continue a bit with my phone plan analogy to talk a bit about different kinds of friends in my world...

My Circle

All of us have a circle of relationships in our lives. I think of this as the broad category of my relationships, including all of the levels listed below.

As the Circle Turns?

One important thing about my circle? It changes over time. Relationships can be seasonal--for example, I have friends from TWU who played a big part in my life then. I value them--I love them. But there are some I haven't seen or talked with since graduation. There are others who were probably "myFaves" then that may have moved into more of the "Speed-dial Friends" level. And that's okay--I've probably changed levels in their circles as well.

Similarly, there are people I don't know yet or who might be at the phonebook or speed-dial levels of my circle today who may become some of the most significant relationships in my life (my future husband is probably the best example).

My circle (and yours) includes:

Phonebook-level Friends


Think of this as all the people in your cell's phonebook. It's broad. These tend to be people I know and value because we share some common interests or experiences--classmates, other church choir members, co-workers, etc. A few things to note:

  • All friendships start at this level.
    It's important not to discount relationships at this level because they good be speed-dial friends or myFaves in the making.

  • Influence is limited.
    At this level, I can have some influence on others and they can have some influence on
    me--but it's usually not lasting (though it could be meaningful for a moment or a season) or at a significant level of depth. At the phonebook level, influence could also be more one-sided.

Speed-dial Friends


Friendships at this level are tighter. It's usually a level where you can handle about 8-12 relationships at any given time period--the people you have on speed-dial or your "top 8" (if you're a mySpace person). Even Jesus had a smaller circle at this level--the 12 disciples.

  • Common interests & experiences + values
    My friends at the speed-dial level not only share some of my interests and experiences, but they usually share my values. In my life, they may not necessarily be Christians at this level (most are), but we usually share some key values--e.g. honesty, integrity, respect, ambition, optimism, etc.


  • Influence is mutual.
    Here, both people have an impact on each other's lives. I think this is why making sure your friends at this level share some of your core values.

myFaves

The myFaves level is my "core" group of friends. For most people, the myFaves level has about 3-4 people in it (if we look at Jesus as the model, his 3 were Peter, James & John).

  • Common interests & experiences + values + commitment
    What separates this level from the others is a mutual commitment to the relationship. It involves time. It involves depth and accountability.

  • Influence is undeniable.
    These are the people who shape your decisions. When something big is going on in your world, they are the ones you look to for guidance (and they look to you in the same way). These people know you--the real you. They celebrate your success and stick with you through hard times.

A few more thoughts on my circle:

  • Keep it open.
    It's easy to get stuck in a mindset of "us four, no more" or to invest all your time with your myFaves or speed-dial friends. On the flip side, some people have a huge phonebook of friends, but don't move much beyond that with the depth of myFaves friends, for example. As I said before, your circle will change over time. It's important to work on relationships at all levels.

  • Recognize when a relationship changes levels--and realize that it's probably okay.
    I think sometimes people try to hold on too much to some friendships, while not investing in new ones. For example, when I moved back home after college in Canada, I had to push myself to invest in people here instead of trying to constantly maintain deep friendships with people scattered all over the world post-graduation. For me, it's important that I have myFaves friends I can regularly talk to or spend time with--and that meant other relationships changed levels.

  • "God-assigned" connections come at all levels.
    In our small group series on "Friends and Family," our pastor talks about God-assigned connections--people you know God puts into your life for a reason. One thing I've seen is that God-assigned connections come at all levels--not just the myFaves/future husband level. Even acquaintances can be God-assigned connections--maybe people who inspire you spiritually (even from a distance), connect you with a new job or make you laugh at just the right time.

  • Who are you allowing to influence you?
    Notice the phrasing--relationships all involve choice (even with God-assigned connections--you can choose to embrace or ignore them). Guard your speed-dial and myFaves levels closely. Choose people who will have a positive influence on you. Especially if you're dating--attraction + common interests & experiences aren't enough. If you're a Christian, dating someone who shares your faith and core values is really essential--it's not just another part of the equation, but the foundation of what your God-assigned marriage should be built on.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

The Friends and Family Plan

In small groups at church, we've been talking about friends and family--and how it's best when families are friends and friends are family.

I love this topic! So I thought I'd share a few of my own thoughts on the subject and maybe a few stories from my life. I'd love to hear more from any of you as well.

God Beat MCI
First, I think it's cool to remember that God planned for us to partner throughout life with friends and family--God developed the first "Friends and Family Plan" (not MCI!).

He chose our parents before we were born. He knew who our siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles would be. If you're like me, you may have some amazing family members who are your friends, mentors and confidantes ... but you probably have some relatives who are a little dysfunctional, too (even the "amazing" have issues--we're all people after all!). Does anyone else have an uncle who sings drunk karaoke? (God bless Him, but alcohol and microphones don't mix well!).

But because you're family, you work to get along--you're bound by blood and hopefully, by love. You learn from each other (even if it's only patience!) and grow together.

Similarly, God planned for us to have friends like family. I love how the Bible talks about Christians as "the family of God" - what an honor! Like my biological family, my Christian family is bound together by blood (Christ's) and love.

But even beyond the family of God, we are all called to friendships. It's important not to discount friendships with non-Christians--because those relationships may help them come to know Christ or even see glimpses of Him through us.

"Welcome to the family..."
Have you ever had an (almost) instant connection with someone? Or a moment when you know or feel like God put a friendship/acquaintance/relationship in your life for a reason? Here are a few examples I've experienced in my own life ... and I'd encourage you to think about some in your life as well:

  • Algebra anyone?
    I don't think I ever expected to meet my best friend in a math class ... but that's exactly what happened. It was the first day of 9th grade. I was sitting at a table with a few other friends when a new girl walked into class. "Would you like to sit with us?" I asked. And I think she was relieved to find a place.


    Anyway, we connected almost immediately--we both are the oldest children with two younger sisters (though she also got a "surprise" baby brother later!), we both have weird names, a similar sense of humor, and we both like to shop for deals--but beyond that, we share our faith and a similar commitment to church and ministry. Twelve years later, we've gone through a lot together ... and I know she has played a big part in shaping who I am today and challenging me to be better. And hopefully I've done some of the same things for her as well. :)

  • "Family" Holidays with Strangers
    My parents have been known to celebrate major holidays twice...we'll have extended family Thanksgiving/Christmas/Easter and then church family Thanksgiving/Christmas/Easter. I have to say that usually the "church family" holidays are more fun (I'll caveat it by saying my immediate family is usually at both events).

    I remember coming home from college for Easter and sitting in my parents' kitchen. This other girl was there smiling and holding a cup of coffee, "I'm Rebecca," she said, "What's your name?"

    "I'm Jonita. And I live here," I smiled and joked back and forth with Rebecca as we talked for awhile. She looked so at ease sitting in my parents' house--I found out later that Mom and Dad invited her to Easter dinner after meeting her at church. They didn't really know her well, but found out that her husband was working during the holiday and Rebecca would have probably spent it alone ... so they invited her over.

    As I looked around the room, I saw kids running around and people laughing and talking loudly ... we really did look like a (big, multi-cultural) family. Even though we all started as strangers, we are bound together through Christ and through "doing life together" friendship.

    On a (somewhat) different note--We have a church family friend (who's my Dad's age) who always greets us with, "Hey family!" and big hugs. I love that.

There's probably a million other examples I could write about...maybe more on this topic later.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

I Want to Hold the Hand That Holds the World...


Can I just say how much I LOVE Starfield? I first heard their music back when I lived in Canadia (as my sister calls it), the motherland of the band. I just got their latest CD "Beauty in the Broken" and I'm loving it. :)
Their guitar-driven, lyrically-charged worship music is awesome (along with Hillsong United, they're my fav worship band)!
I think it's amazing when musicians and writers can put phrases together that just capture an idea, an emotion, an expression of what you want to say--better than you can say it yourself. Anyway, here's one example from their new CD. These are the lyrics from "The Hand That Holds The World" (I highlighted my favorite lines--but the whole song is great!):
No greater joy / Is there than this/ To know for what / We're meant to live /
To hold Your hand / To touch Your face / To find ourselves / In love' s embrace/
I want to stand before the King/
Join in the song that heaven sings/
I want to hold the hand that holds the world/
I want to know the mystery/
Reach out and touch the majesty/
I want to hold the hand that holds the world/
No greater love / Could be bestowed / That You would name us as your own /
Your daughters sing / Your sons rejoice / They gather here before Your throne /
You are, You are / The author of creation / We are, the children of your heart /
You are, You are, / The light of all the heaven / We rise, to worship all You are

Sunday, August 12, 2007

The Naked Leader



I realize the title of this post may make some blog readers uncomfortable. But be assured--this is not a post about a nudist colony. :)

After a week at a leadership conference, these are the words that stick out in my (admittedly eccentric) brain.

What's a naked leader?

Someone who is:

  • Real

  • Open

  • Pure at heart

  • Genuine

  • Honest

  • Vulnerable
A naked leader is the kind of person you respect. You want to follow them because of who they are and what they represent (the highest level of leadership according to conference speaker John Maxwell).

Whoa! That's a tough description to live up to (and by the way, as I'm writing this, I'm definitely NOT saying that I do).

The "sheep and goats" leader v. The relational leader

Sometimes as a leader, it's much easier to fall back on a resume--or as one of my friends calls it in the dating scene "bringing out the sheep and goats." (My friend has a theory that even modern guys "bring out the sheep and goats" when they're romantically interested in someone--by talking about accomplishments, successes or history). In leadership, being a resume/"sheep and goats" leader is different than actually being a leader or allowing people to get to know the real you.

I think most of us prefer relational leaders. It's quick and easy to be a resume/"sheep and goats" kind of leader. Being relational takes time--but it's usually more effective. It means being interested in others, building trust, walking more than talking.

Three questions for every leader

In one of his sessions, John Maxwell listed the three questions people ask of every leader:
  • Can you help me?
  • Do you care for me?
  • Can I trust you?

These questions seem pretty basic. But I think for those of us who are Christians or Christian leaders, they are paramount. Because we represent Christ, if people don't know that we care about them, if they don't think they can trust us, how will they know that God cares about them or that they can trust Him? It's a huge responsibility ... and I can never take it lightly.

Leadership really boils down to integrity--does my life match my words? Am I interested in others genuinely, without preconceived ideas or selfish motives? Am I helpful only when it's convenient for me--or simply because I want to bless someone else?

These are the tough questions that I will probably ask my entire life. But it's my hope that even just asking the questions will help me stay aware of these attitudes and actions in my own heart--and that I'll continue to grow.

Leadership is a great responsibility and a great privilege. But even beyond that--leadership is the call of our lives to influence others.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Things I Don't Understand

Blogging is weird in the fact that it's a way for people to express their opinions and have them published automatically. It's strange because normally, you have to be some sort of expert to have your writing published with a byline ... and blogging gives you that position of "expertise" without external credibility.

So, instead of being a typical "full-of-herself and her own ideas" kind of blogger, today I thought I'd write about things I don't understand ... so here goes:

1. Pretty much the worst ad idea ever: The pregnancy test with a fountain splattering on it. As a genuine marketer, I wonder how many geniuses had to review and approve this commercial before it hit my television screen. What were they thinking?!?

2. The "Hey, I have a neck problem!" greeting - Have you ever passed someone on the street or a college campus who greets you by a quick jerk of their head (like "What's up?")? I think it's the equivalent of saying, "See! I'm acknowledging your presence (really) ... but I'm too cool to say anything or smile." So ridiculous.

3. People who make up words and phrases - We have this a lot in the investment industry--for example, has anyone outside of finance heard of "the quest for alpha" (perhaps a term invented by investment guys who really wanted to be superheroes)? How about "exposure management"? To me, "exposure management" sounds like something Britney Spears needs ... not a legitimate investment service for retirement plans.

4. Guys who wear skinny jeans

5. Colleagues who cook fish in the microwave. Ewwwwww... I like (some) seafood. But it's best at home or restaurants, not in a public work environment where your coworkers have to inhale it for an entire afternoon.

6. Star Wars/Star Trek superfans

7. Calculus

8. Why God created mosquitos

9. Inflatable holiday decorations - Besides looking completely ridiculous, these cheesy blow-up creations can cost $200 and more ... wouldn't that money be better spent giving to people/causes we care about?

10. Mullets and rat tails