P.S. I Love You

What makes a good love story? Chemistry? Romance? Fun and laughter? Probably a mix of all those things together.

I think a good love story has to have some element of truth in it--something that speaks to the viewer/reader about what love in its most perfect form is supposed to be.

This past week, I saw the movie P.S. I Love You starring Hillary Swank (and no, I'm not going to give it all away!). It's about a widow whose deceased husband writes letters for her to find and read after his death (yeah, I know--kind of morbid). As most chick flicks are, it was a bit predictable and kind of sappy--but it definitely had that truth factor going on, so I thought I'd talk a little about it.

What's the truth factor in P.S. I Love You?

Hillary's movie husband was cute and charming (and did I mention he sang, too?!?). But his most attractive quality (and the truth about love from the movie)? He saw her.

He saw Hillary's character in all of her beauty and quirky imperfections--and chose to love her. He saw her better than she saw herself, encouraged her to dream and to live the full life she was meant to live.

(Rabbit trail for other chick flick fans only: You may notice that this is the same "truth factor" about love that's seen in Runaway Bride--you know, where Julia Roberts doesn't even know what kind of eggs she likes and Richard Gere notices and calls her out on it? Or in Bridget Jones when Mark Darcy tells Bridget "I like you just the way you are.")

That sounds nice and all--but what does it have to do with me?

Everything. Okay, maybe not really, but I'll explain ...

Think about how most people love--a career, church or person. Most people see only the good and the beautiful at first. Everything's rosy, polished and going well. And then some of those quirky imperfections pop up--and the "love" they felt seems to disappear.

But think about how God loves us. He sees us as we really are (the unpolished, unairbrushed versions of ourselves), complete with beauty and quirky imperfections--and chooses to love us anyway.

That's pretty amazing. Kind of miraculous, actually.

But ... if God sees all we are and loves us with "no matter what" kind of commitment, if that's what real love is supposed to be, isn't that the way we should love others?

P.S. I love you.

(Translation: I'm trying to see the real you, encourage you to dream and to live the best life you've been designed to live. And I'm definitely not perfect, so I may not be all that amazing at this real love thing. But I'm working on it.)

A few of my favorite things...uh...posts

As the year 2007 comes to an end, I thought it might be fun to compile a list of some of my favorite posts (in no particular order) from this year. So enjoy...and have a very Merry Christmas and unbelievable 2008!

• Random Things I'm Thankful For - Part 1 and Part 2
  
  
• Expect the Unexpected
  
  
• Why the Puyallup Fair Makes Me Smile
  
  
• My Secret Life as a Funeral Crasher
  
  
• What NOT to say to Christian Singles
  
  
• Things I Don't Understand
  
  
• The Can We Just Talk? series (Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3)
  
  
• 10 Things Christian Guys Should Know About Dating
  
  
• Why are we herding ourselves?

For the complete 2007 archive, check out my page on Blogger.

Arranged Love?

For some reason, last week I found myself watching an MTV documentary about twentysomething Americans considering arranged marriage (yes, in 2007!).

Some were drawn to the idea because of their religion, culture or family. But one of the girls caught my attention when she said something to the effect of, "I'm 25 and I've tried meeting someone on my own, but it hasn't worked, so I thought I'd try this arranged marriage thing." She said it as if arranged marriage is simply another option for finding the person to spend the rest of your life with.

Is love supposed to be arranged?

As I watched the documentary, I actually wondered, "Is this really that different?" and even stranger, "Is love supposed to be arranged?"

Think about it--how many single Americans have been on a blind date, tried online dating or been set-up by friends? Some of my friends have found their husbands through some of these methods ... and others have simply found amazing (and sometimes strangely bizarre!) stories.

Many people believe in the idea of destiny, fate, signs that lead to love. And as Christians, I think a lot of us believe that God designed someone for us ... that He "arranges" our steps to bring us together. Even in non-romantic love, God arranges our families and puts us together with certain people (sometimes neighbors, teammates, co-workers) for a purpose.

But (in the words of DC Talk) isn't love a verb? :)

The flip side is that most of us would agree that love ... in all of its various forms ... takes work. It means daily decisions. Daily action.

It would be silly to think, for example, "I can tell my parents I love them once and then forget about it" or "God has a great job for me. He'll provide ... I'll just sit here on the couch and wait for the job to come to me."

So ... what's the bottom line?

I'm SO not an expert at this stuff--but I guess it's probably a mix of both ideas--"arrangement" and action--that makes love work.

In a lot of ways, I'm a bit skeptical of the whole arranged love thing. Even this past month, I've had two different people say to me (about two different guys), "I know this great guy who could be a great match for you ..."

But as scary as it seems, I have to be open to possibility--and really trust who (or Who) is doing the arranging.

"Casual Sex," The ...But Guy and Enchanted

I like Oprah. And I like O Magazine ... usually.

Yesterday I received the January issue in the mail. And I'll confess--one article made me both sad and quite frankly, mad (and you thought I couldn't get angry).

The O Article That Ticked Me Off

In "Live Your Best Love Life!", Linda from Rhode Island said, "My dilemma is that I still love my ex, who I dated for nine years." She then goes on to basically ask, "I'm now thinking of using my ex as a booty call ... or maybe it's time to try self-satisfaction?"

The answer of columnist Cindy Chupack? "The beauty of the booty call is its simplicity ... how does love factor into this? It doesn't!" Chupack then goes on to say, "The perfect booty call is someone who's great but" ... meaning basically someone who's safe ... but someone that you don't really want to marry or love. And if a " ... but" man isn't available? Chupack says "self-love" (masturbation) is "not a last resort; it's essential."

Can you hear me yell now?

Casual Sex: Does It Really Exist?

There's no such thing as casual sex--just like there's no such thing as casual naked Fridays at the office.

Sex always has meaning--it's supposed to. I think saying you can have sex without meaning is like saying you can Christmas without music, dessert without chocolate or an amazing car without tires. It's empty--it's missing something it's designed to have.

Sex has meaning because it always reveals how we feel--about another person or ourselves.
I think Linda from Rhode Island was really saying, "I'm still in love with my ex, but I know he doesn't want to have a relationship with me. If I have 'casual sex' with him, at least I'd have something--right?"

But by having 'casual sex'--with her ex or, as Chupack suggested, a " ... but" man or herself, Linda would be settling for something less than what she wants. She would be cheapening herself, a man and sex itself by choosing any of these options.

Sacred Sex, Enchanted and the ...But Guy

I believe sex is beyond meaningful--it's sacred. So why do so many adults settle for "casual sex"?

They are "looking for love (and meaning) in all the wrong places" ... and after casual sex, will end up feeling more lonely, more lost, than ever.

I believe sex is designed to be shared by a married man and woman. I know this sentence might sound extreme. Society tries to tell us sex without marriage is normal--and this article even tries to tell us that sex without love is normal.

But I know I'm not alone. There are many people who want to believe in the sacredness of sex. It's why we find it horrific when children are sexually abused--a violation of the sacred. It's why most states don't allow prostitution--the business of treating something sacred as a commodity. And it's why fairy tale love stories will always be popular (hence, the #1 movie in the country at the moment, Enchanted).

I can hear some guys think, "Yeah, but it's different for guys. Sex doesn't have to have meaning." Are you sure? Do any men really want to be considered some woman's " ... but" guy? I doubt it. A guy deserves to be with the one woman on the planet who thinks he is not a " ... but" guy, but the it guy, the forever guy.

Sex has meaning, but it can never give you meaning. It's an expression of love, but it's not how you find the perfect kind of love every human being is looking for. That kind of meaning and love is only found in God.

I don't have to feel cheap, empty or settle for something less than what I believe is possible. And neither do you.

Special Note: If you're someone who's reading this and says, "That's great for you, but I've already had sex outside marriage"--don't lose heart. I'm not saying that you are cheap or empty.

On the contrary, I'm saying you're priceless. You deserve better.

Even if you've messed up in the past when it comes to sex, you don't have to mess up your future. Start fresh. God can forgive you of your past, but you have to make a choice to define your destiny. It may not be easy--but the best things in life rarely are.

Cool Song Lyrics

All week long I've been listening to the Goo Goo Dolls' greatest hits in my car. I really liked some of the lyrics from one song I hadn't heard before called "Before It's Too Late," so I thought I'd share them here (and for all my Champions' Centre friends, these kind of go along with the "No Limits" series):

And the risk that might break you

Is the one that would save

A life you don't live is still lost

...and some other cool words from another part of the song:

So live like you mean it

Love 'til you feel it

It's all that we need in our lives