Why are we herding ourselves?

Is it just me? Or do people seem to be traveling in herds lately?

Is it just a female phenomenon?

I've seen it at church events. Cocktail parties. The mall. There will be one guy who's single, good looking, dresses nicely and seems able to put sentences together in a conversation. And he's surrounded. Not by the cops (hopefully), but by a herd of women.

The thing is--ultimately, not one of those women wants to be part of a herd. Most of them want to be special, noticed and singled out by this guy. And does a guy really want to be held hostage by a sea of giggling bobbleheads anyway?

There's the old joke that women always travel in herds (case in point: trips to the restroom) ... but I'm not sure if the phenomenon is exclusive to women.

Uh oh. Guys travel in herds, too?

When it comes to dating, I don't think guys travel in herds to approach women. They might have a wingman, but not a herd. But guys do stick together. I think like women, they may be secretly afraid to stand out. So instead of traveling in a pack to approach a woman, they'll just stick together in solidarity ... not just when it comes to dating, but sometimes in life.

The safety of the herd...is it a trap?

It's comfortable, easy to be "one of the guys", "one of the girls" or part of any group. There's no risk involved. You can blend in and relax.

But without risk, without standing out, can you ever be the person you were designed to be? Reach your potential? Or make an impact on the world around you? I'll leave you with this thought from an author in Real Simple magazine:

"Most of us are afraid to be controversial, or even to be intensely who we are. We're like lemonade with too much water in it and too few lemons. We dilute our "flavor" so we won't offend anyone. And, in the process, we give away our power, the essence of who we are that makes us unique and unforgettable."

(By Gail Blanke in "Dare to be Different", February 2007 issue).

"He knows me best and loves me most."

A few years ago, I was writing an article around Valentine's Day. I interviewed couples who had been happily married, most for 10 years or more. I asked one woman, "What do you appreciate most about your husband?"

"He knows me best and loves me most."

There was something about her answer that resonated with me. I haven't had a relationship like that (yet) with a guy, but I think her answer sums up how God sees all of us ... so I did some digging through the Bible to find out more.

There's really too much to include in this short blog entry, but I'll include some of the thoughts I gathered:

• You're created in God's image ... and he sees you as good. (Genesis 1:26-27, 1:31)
  
• God knew you before you were born and sees you as wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:12-14)
  
• You're valuable. So much so that He sent His only Son to earth, so that by believing in Him, you can have eternal life. (John 3:16, Romans 5:8, 1 John 4:10)
  
• God's is love. His love for you is perfect--it's undeserved and unchanging. (Exodus 34:6, Romans 8:39, 1 Corinthians 13)

This may seem simple, but it can be really life-changing if it's taken to heart. If God sees us as valuable, why do we doubt our worth? If He sees us as good, why do we overemphasize our imperfections or compare ourselves to others?

I don't have all the answers, but I do believe that how I see God shapes how I see myself and the world around me. If I really understand how He sees me--how he sees humanity--my own view of myself and others is clearer.

Are you willing to be (really) loved?

Q: Would you rather love or be loved?

A: That's a tough question. It's really hard to let yourself be loved ...

I sat in a friend's living room watching this dialogue (or something really close!) between Russell Crowe and Nicole Kidman on Oprah's pre-Oscar special. I found myself agreeing with Nicole's answer and it really made me think.

Most of us have a hard time accepting a compliment, much less real love. What's your reaction when you hear these words?:

"I'm proud of you."
"You're beautiful."
"You did such an amazing job on that project ... I'm so glad you're part of our team."
"You're really good at XYZ. I appreciate you."

If you're like me, you can be surprised by kindness, love or admiration. When I hear compliments like these, sometimes I'm stunned. I'll think:

"Is he really talking about me?"
"I'd look a lot better if I lost 10 pounds ... "
"She's so much better at XYZ."
"I don't deserve this. I'm not perfect. I could have done better."

I don't always doubt myself, sometimes I'll answer with a simple, "Thank you." But it can be hard.

I think most of us don't see how amazing .... how lovable ... we are. We can recognize the strength, beauty and talent in others--but often we're not able to see it in ourselves.

I'm not saying that we should be conceited or narcissistic. Believe me, I'm not singing, "I'm Bringing Sexy Back" when I look in the mirror. :) But I think there's a healthy balance of knowing who you are, appreciating the good things about yourself God has given you, and walking in confidence and strength.

Part of it starts with seeing yourself as God sees you ... but what does He think about who you are?

More on that next.

Dear John...

Dear John,

I never thought I’d say this—but I’ve lost respect for you. I still think you’re a musical genius, gifted writer and witty conversationalist. I stood by you despite your messy hair and Kermit the Frog facial expressions. But I cannot handle who you have become—a golddigger.

Yeah, yeah—I know you’re not after Jessica’s money. But you’ve become the world’s new version of a golddigger—a man obsessed with blonde hair and shiny plastic personalities.

I thought you were above that. You’re smart. But here’s the thing—she’s not. Or if she is, she pretends to be stupid … and that’s worse.

Please avoid the Messica. Get out while you can.

Love,
Joan

Defining Your Personal Mission Statement

What’s your mission?

I believe all of us are here for a reason … and it’s unique. The combination of your family background, culture, education, talent and personality are different from everyone else in this world. There’s something you can do that I can’t. There are people you’re influencing that I won’t.

So what’s your mission statement?

Recently, I met with some friends and discussed principles from the book “The Path” by Laurie Beth Jones. Here’s what I learned:

• Your mission statement should be short. Make it about one sentence—to the point.
  
• Your mission statement should excite you—it should represent who you are, not what you think you should be.
  
• Your mission statement should be broad enough to encompass your whole life, not just your current job or just one of the roles you have (e.g. as a mom, wife, etc.).
  
• Your mission involves others. Who you are makes an impact (positive or negative) on others. Who do you feel most called to influence? Maybe it’s broad—“people”. But for some, it’s specific—“children”, “women”, “African-Americans”, “orphans”, etc.
  
• Your mission incorporates at least one of your core values. What do you value most in life? Love? Excellence? Hope? Peace?

Jones' book provides pages of verbs and walks you through the whole process of how to write a mission statement. Most people choose two or three verbs, one value, and one people group.

Here’s mine:

“To brighten people’s lives by modeling and communicating excellence.”

A few more:

“To locate and communicate wisdom to others.”

“To teach and share love with children.”

Knowing your purpose is powerful--it can guide your career, your relationships and your life. Check out "The Path" to learn more.