Tuesday, December 30, 2008

All the lonely people

All the lonely people

Where do they all come from ?

All the lonely people

Where do they all belong?

("Eleanor Rigby" - The Beatles)


Loneliness. It's not a topic I've tackled in this blog yet, but it's something I've thought about this week. [And I PROMISE not to make this post depressing, but hopefully thought-provoking, (dare I say it?) entertaining and encouraging...so let's get back to the point.]


The lyrics of "Eleanor Rigby" (and my fave Doxology remix) came to mind this week as I was talking with people, at church, watching movies, reading, shopping, hanging out at restaurants...you name it. I've just realized how much loneliness impacts people of all kinds...and not many are really talking about it. And I think we should be.


Here are a few things I've learned about loneliness:


  • Loneliness impacts people in different ways.

    When I think of the stereotypical lonely person, I picture a Crazy Cat Lady surrounded by 10 cats, lots of stuffed animals and wearing a Snuggie. But a lonely person could be a bikini barista who sells coffee and a bit of her self-respect to get some attention from a guy. A lonely person could be a guy who "falls in love" with a different girl each week. It could be that guy who sits in Starbucks surrounded by people for hours with a laptop. And on some days, a lonely person could be the one you and I see in the mirror.

    I think that in their lonely moments, some people retreat--they stay at home, they write music, they read. Others suddenly become extreme extroverts--they serial date or they are constantly so "busy" they have no time to think. I've seen loneliness drive girls to relationships with loser guys, drive guys to alcohol addictions, push married people toward affairs...you name it

    The whole point is that lonely people come in all types and it's not easy to pinpoint who is lonely and who isn't...some just might like cats and Snuggies (and in case you're wondering, that's not me!...but I don't discriminate). :)

  • Lonely people sometimes have lots of friends.

    This may sound like an oxymoron to some people, but some of the loneliest people I've ever met or seen have lots of "friends."

    The problem? Having lots of friends doesn't make you fulfilled. And "lots of friends" doesn't equal good, solid, "no matter what" friendships.

    Take Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears, for example. They have lots of people that "LOVE!!!" them. Millions of people know who they are and want to be like them--but they've both gone through a series of failed relationships, battled addictions...you name it (hello, Sinead O'Connor look!)--why? I think (and they've both said stuff similar to this themselves) at the core, they were looking for love and couldn't find it in another person, purse or pill.

    This may sound cliche, but I believe that in all of us, there's a piece of our hearts designed for God. And sometimes we look to other things or people to fill it--and they can't.

  • Single people aren't the only ones who are lonely.

    Similar to the second point--but I thought it's worthwhile to point out that people who are married or in dating relationships can get lonely. But even a great husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend can't fill all our relationship needs...for God, yes, but also for healthy relationships with others.

Loneliness may not be the greatest feeling in the world...but I think it's something everyone faces at some point in their lives. The key is how we respond to it.

Some Christians will also say the cliche things like, "God is more than enough. He's all I need." Ultimately, this is true...but God also created us for relationships with others. And on the flip side, sometimes being by yourself can be healthy--you can focus on your relationship with God, your goals for the future, or reflect on changes you may need to make in your life.

To some extent, I think a healthy response to loneliness is about balance and attitude. Or perhaps just being observant to share love, light and friendship to "all the lonely people" who may be in your world.

Monday, December 15, 2008

The God who gets me

"You just don't understand!"

It's the mantra of (almost) every teenager, but underneath the classic teen angst, I think most of us are expressing a deep heart cry--to be understood, to have people in our lives who really get us for who we are. I think it's a desire that outlives our acne--it's something that sticks with us all of our lives.

The past few weeks at Anthem Young Adults' Network, we've been talking about how Jesus is Immanuel--God with us. I've heard that since I was a little girl in Sunday School listening to the Christmas story recited by older kids in retired bath robes who also played "Jingle Bells" on their kazoos.

But this season, I heard it--Jesus is Immanuel, God with us--in a fresh way. Maybe it was partly due to an incredible video or a message or just thinking about different life experiences I've had or gone through with friends and family.

It's interesting to really think of Jesus as God with us--the God who gets you and me. After Anthem, I went home and started making a list of some of the ways He can relate to you and me and our experiences on this planet. It's by no means a comprehensive list--but here's what I have so far:

  • Jesus had parents.
  • Jesus had siblings (at least one--James, son of Mary and Joseph).
  • But in a way, Jesus was also an only child (God's only Son).
  • Jesus went to school.
  • Jesus went to church (synagogue).
  • At times in His life, Jesus followed others and submitted to their imperfect authority (even though He was perfect God in flesh!).
  • Jesus also knew what it meant to lead.
  • Jesus probably felt a bit different sometimes--like people didn't get Him.
  • But He also fit in and hung out with lots of types of people--rich, poor, scholars, sinners, men, women, etc.
  • Jesus knew what it was like to have great friends.
  • Jesus knew what it was like to be betrayed by a friend.
  • Jesus had a job--he worked as a carpenter until he was 30.
  • Jesus was single.
  • Jesus knew what it was to be unnoticed or undervalued.
  • Jesus knew what it was like to be in the spotlight, followed by thousands. [ Random rabbit trail, but I kind of smiled when I thought about this--I wonder if Jesus was ever the "It" bachelor of Nazareth? If my mom had been around back then, she would have said to me, "He builds things! He treats his mother well! He likes kids! He's practically perfect...what's not to like?" :) ]
  • Jesus celebrated and had fun.
  • Jesus cried.
  • Jesus had close friends who were sick.
  • Jesus experienced the death of at least one close friend (Lazarus--before He brought him back to life!) and a parent (Joseph).
  • Jesus spoke out against injustice.
  • Jesus showed kindness and bestowed dignity on outcasts in society (women, Samaritans, lepers...and more).
  • Jesus hung out with people who were really lost.
  • Jesus challenged hypocrisy.
  • Jesus forgave others.
  • Jesus loved deeply.

There's probably a million more. But how miraculous is it that I get to serve a perfect, all-knowing, all-powerful God who can personally relate with my life? A God who doesn't just know what I feel (good or bad), but can actually empathize with my tough experiences and celebrate my happiness?

Wow. I wonder how people--how I--would live if we really knew and daily recognized that's the kind of God we can actually get to know?

I hope that this lesson of the true gift of Christmas--Immanuel, God with us--the God who gets us--stays close to your heart and mine this season.

Much love to you.