Wednesday, January 30, 2008

A Valentine's Day Memory (Circa 6th Grade)

It's February. And Valentine's Day is coming soon. Some of you may cheer, some may be panicked (what should I buy? what should I make? what should I write in this card?), and others .... well, just might be tempted to wear black and take a sick day.

But remember when Valentine's Day was just fun for everyone? When you (carefully!) picked out the cards and candy you'd give to everyone in your entire class, you'd have a class party and everyone would write nice things about you?

I remember being very methodical about how I distributed the cards. My closest friends would get the nicest, prettiest and sometimes sappy cards and the best flavors of candy (if my mom happened to buy a variety pack of something). I'd put the best stickers on them and draw a heart in front of my name. And I would carefully ensure that most of the boys would get the entirely tame cards (nothing too girly, no sparkles--which I'm sure they appreciated) with the messages on the front like "Happy V-Day!" or "Be Cool, Valentine" signed simply with "From" and a non-swirly signature. (I really don't know if anyone else was as choosy about the cards, writing and candy. I was kind of artistic AND analytical even in elementary school!)

But there was this one guy (I think every school has one) ... named Luke ... who I probably had a crush on since the 4th grade. And I wasn't alone in my admiration. He was cute. He was fun. He was smart. He was nice. And he was cool.

Some of the girls were pretty upfront with their "love" for Luke. I remember riding in a van on our way to the Math Olympics (You never knew I was a mathlete? Umm...we'll skip over that for now...). There were probably about 4 girls plus Luke and a few other guys. The other girls played with his hair and actually tried to name the curls on the back of his head ("This one's Mo, this one's Curly...). Part of me wanted to gag in disgust and the other part of me admired their courage. I was more of a subtle 6th grade flirt. I'd smile, make eye contact and sometimes we'd have goofy banter back and forth.

I really don't know why I remember this (or why I'm writing about it now exactly), but I remember my 6th grade Valentine's Day card from Luke because...well, he drew a heart around my name on the envelope and wrote something entirely romantic in it like ... "I think you're
cool" with another heart and his signature. Yes, completely ridiculous --I know. But it made me feel good at the time.

I think Valentine's Day should be like that for everyone--just simply about making people feel special--that you took the time to think about them and show that you care.

It's cheaper than diamonds. And a lot cooler than a big panda bear the size of a five-year-old in your cubicle.

P.S. Just in case you were wondering…after sixth grade, Luke went to a different junior high and high school and we lost touch. Sadly, I learned that he passed away in 2002 due to a rare form of cancer. He was a star soccer player and graduated at the top of his high school class. I guess it just shows how you never know the impact you can have on someone’s life. I will remember him as the guy who brightened my 6th grade Valentine’s Day, but I know his positive example and strength through cancer impacted many others.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Are Christians Afraid to Think?

A few weeks ago, I found myself in a group where two people were discussing a story shared by a guest speaker at their church.

One questioned the example, "That doesn't make sense to me. It doesn't sound like anything I've heard or read before."

"It's totally true," her friend replied.

"Aww...do you believe everything you hear?" the other said with a teasing tone.

"If it comes from the pulpit, I do." End of discussion.

Something about this conversation bothered me. It was just a casual "debate" between two friends. It wasn't dealing with a major issue of faith. I don't think either of the people involved in the discussion were that serious about their positions. But the logic of, "I just believe whatever I hear from the pulpit" or, taken further, "It's not right to ask questions about anything I'm told at church" didn't sit right with me.

As much as I wish it were true, there's nothing inherently sacred about a pulpit, platform or political office. Great pastors like Martin Luther King, Jr. spoke about dreams from a pulpit ... but so did pastors who were white supremacists. Great politicians like Abraham Lincoln encouraged a country to unify ... but so did Hitler. And all of these speakers--from the great to the horrific--had Christians following them.

Don't get me wrong--99.9% of the time, I completely agree with my pastors and leaders--and trust them as much as I trust my family and very close friends.

"Please (don't!) check your brain at the door ... "

But I think God wants Christians to be more than robots. When we get saved, no one says, "Welcome to church. Please check your brain at the door and take a seat in one the cozy chairs. Just chill, sit still and absorb whatever your pastor/leader/teacher tells you."


We shouldn't be afraid to ask questions--it actually helps us grow and can make our beliefs stronger. Asking questions doesn't mean we're stupid. It doesn't mean that we need to constantly change our core beliefs. And it definitely doesn't mean that should disrespect our leaders. The best students, the most innovative leaders and the best listeners are all good at asking questions. Asking questions simply means that you have a desire to learn--to get to know God, His Word and even your own beliefs--better.

It's one thing to say, "I believe X because my pastor/leader/mom/a televangelist said so." But people who change the world don't just believe something because someone else told them to--they know what they believe.

Even more important, if a non-Christian (or even a new Christian) asks you something about your faith, saying "I believe X because my pastor said so" probably won't sit well with them.

What does this kind of questioning look like?


It means not sitting passively in the grandstands, but being engaged with what you're hearing or reading. It's about approaching life (especially the Bible and Christian messages) with a desire to learn. The kind of thinking I'm talking about doesn't mean being critical or looking for fault.


For example, when I first started working at an investment firm, sometimes I would attend meetings where people talked about concepts or even used words I didn't understand at all. It felt like I was dropped on a different planet where everyone else seemed to speak the same language, but I could only pick up the basics ... kind of like a foreign language camp (not that I ever went to one of those!).

So I started asking questions ... mostly in notes to myself. When I was in meetings and stuff came up that I didn't understand, I'd write down things like, "Look up 'alpha' ", "Ask Jane to explain mutual fund share classes" or "I don't understand why XYZ business unit does something differently. Find out more--and see if we may want to think about adopting their approach."

I think I take a similar approach to taking notes in church--not just writing down the points of the speaker, but sometimes adding my own questions and notes, "I don't understand X. Look up more about it." or "This is a cool verse! What else does the Bible have to say about this topic?" or "This Bible character seems interesting. What else does the Bible say about him? Are there other Bible characters that had a similar experience?"

Keys to keep in mind when you're questioning
  • Ask how the topic or issue lines up with the Bible. If you don't know the Bible well, ask someone you trust or check out a Bible search feature for key topics like Bible Gateway). I've also got an older post that covers some questions to think about when you read the Bible (or hear from it in messages) and resources to help (see Google Faith ).

  • Consider the source ... For example, is it someone you know and trust? Someone qualified in his/her profession (e.g. are you taking health advice from a doctor)? How does their life line up with what they're saying? (For example, I wouldn't necessarily take relationship advice from someone who has been divorced two times or financial advice from someone whose finances are out of whack.)
  • ... But understand you can usually learn something from anyone. Credibility can be important, but it only happens over time. Give people the benefit of the doubt. If your main focus is learning and growing, you can usually learn something from anyone--even if it's what NOT to do. :)

  • Ask how your question lines up with what you know about God's character. For example, let's say someone tells you, "The most spiritual people are poor--you know, like Mother Teresa" and you wonder, "Is that true?" If you know God as the provider who meets all your needs and the God who wants to make you "prosperous and successful," then you'd know the first statement isn't true.

  • Look at the big picture. When you're reading the Bible or listening to a message, keep a big picture perspective--what's the main idea? Don't get caught up in minuscule issues or technicalities.
  • Realize that there aren't answers to every question. As much as you can learn, there's some stuff that can't be answered or "proven" by anyone on this planet. That's where faith comes in--sometimes you have to trust the truth even when you can't see it.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Thought of the Day

Faith is not blind acceptance, but a decision to trust in truth…even when it’s invisible.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

The Prov. 31 Woman: Mother Teresa Meets Ivanka Trump?

"Be what you want."

It's probably one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite professors. Simple--but difficult--because it means changing, growing and challenging myself instead of focusing on what I'd like to change about other people or situations.

But when I think about this quote, the next question is inevitably ... what exactly am I supposed to be? Or more specifically, how can I live life in a way that best honors God--as a woman?

The (Sometimes Hilarious) Images of Christian Women

I think it would be interesting to someday survey random people on the street and ask, "What do you picture when you hear the words 'Christian woman'?"

I think some would think of Dana Carvey dressed as "The Church Lady" on SNL. Some would picture purple-haired women in glittery gowns with thick mascara who seem to cry a lot (but mysteriously, don't choose waterproof mascara). Some might think of a nice beauty pageant-type girl who smiles a lot, talks about "World Peace", but seems a bit naiive, plastic or disconnected from real people or situations. Others might think of a woman who is simply plain, mousy, and quiet, but sweet and subservient.

Getting the Image Right: Proverbs 31

Thank goodness that the Bible actually gives women many examples that shatters some of those images to pieces. Perhaps none is as famous as the ideal woman outlined in Proverbs 31. I've read that passage multiple times before. But when I read it with fresh eyes, I saw some stuff I hadn't noticed before (I love when that happens!). So I thought I'd share some of what I learned with you.

Here are a few things I noticed about this cool Christian chick in Proverbs 31:10-31:

  • She makes people proud.

    Have you ever known someone who is so amazing that you're proud to know them or call them your friend? The Prov. 31 woman is like that--she's the girl whose husband is like, "I can't believe she's with me...she's so incredible. I trust her. I respect her." Her kids are proud to say, "That's my mom!" People from different circles of life--her friends, business leaders, the poor--look up to her.

    "Her husband has full confidence in her..." (31:11)
    "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her." (31:28)

  • She's smart and decisive.

    "She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard."
    (Prov. 31:16)

    This verse jumped out at me during a recent reading (and is the reason for the Ivanka Trump reference in this post's title). It stood out to me especially because of the time period in which the Old Testament was written. I don't know of many women in 2008 who buy property and start up businesses ... and it almost sounds like she's doing this stuff with her own earnings (see below), not from her family's wealth.


    I also thought this was kind of odd because it's worded, "She considers a field and buys it" not "She consults a committee" or even "She talks with her husband and they buy it." I'm not married, but if I was, I would think spending thousands of dollars without my husband's knowledge would be extreme! But maybe it's okay because they're so prosperous and successful as a team that she's simply spending out of their abundance.
    Or maybe it works because he has complete confidence in her judgment and financial savvy. I don't know exactly. Anyway you slice it, this woman has brains and the ability to make good (big!) decisions.

    Another reason for the Ivanka reference? This woman is in the fashion industry, too. :)

    She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.
    (Prov. 31:24)

    *Note: The Bible is not saying through this reference (or some of the other stuff I'm mentioning) that all women should work outside the home or that we should all be entrepreneurial. The basic point in this part of the passage is that ...

  • She works...really hard...to take care of her family's needs.

    The woman described in Proverbs 31 is a lot of things, but she's definitely not lazy. Not only does she go about her business ventures, but she takes care of things at home, too...is she Superwoman or what?!?

    She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family. (31: 15)

    She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. (31:17-18)

    She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
    (31:27)


  • She's generous and caring.

    She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. (31:20)


    Here's her Mother Teresa element ... she loves and cares for people. And she's generous to them. I love the phrasing here, "She open her arms to the poor." This kind woman with the "open arms" posture is not afraid of poor, she's not distant from them. She opens her arms, her heart, her life to serve others.

  • She plans ahead.

    The Prov. 31 chick thinks ahead--it's probably part of what makes her a good business woman. But beyond that, she plans ahead on behalf of her family and anticipates
    their needs. Something else interesting to note? That "plan ahead" nature eliminates a tendency to worry.

    When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. (31:21)

  • She supports her husband by helping him to be his best.

    This whole section of Prov. 31 is describing the ideal Christian woman, right? Not exactly.

    There are a few references in this passage thrown in about her husband. But I don't think it's a coincidence. I think by simply being the incredible woman that she is, she supports her guy and helps him to be his best. He's a leader. He's respected. He is confident.

    (And note to the single girls, I think a Prov. 31 woman probably does this for others beside her husband ... the basic point is that she inspires and encourages others to be their best).

    Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. (31:11-12)

    Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. (31: 23)


  • She looks good and her house does, too.

    Yes, this woman takes care of her family and her businesses. But she somehow manages
    to look good, too.

    It's a really short reference, but I think it's important to note, partly because so many
    people quote the "charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting" verse at the end of this passage. And the verse below is not necessarily saying that this woman is beautiful as much as it's saying that she takes care of her home and her appearance.

    She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. (31:22)

  • She's strong ... and has a sense of humor.

    She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
    (31:25)

    Personally, I love that these two characteristics are paired together. This Prov. 31 woman wouldn't seem cool if she was just "strong and dignified" (I'm picturing The Church Lady again). But she'd seem a little silly or shallow if she was just a giggling bobblehead. I like that she's a balanced mix of strength, dignity and joy-filled laughter.

  • She's wise and chooses her words carefully.

    She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. (31:26)

    Interestingly, wisdom and words are tied together here. At first glance, I'll be honest--I kind of pictured a didactic, know-it-all kind of woman--you know, someone a little bit bossy--instructing others on what to do.

    But I don't think that's an accurate picture of the Bible's ideal Christian woman (the cool girl we were talking about earlier). A better view is to basically consider her "faithful instruction" mentoring--she's leading others by her words and her example. She's helping them. She's leaving a legacy and raising up another generation. Maybe she does teach, but it's "faithful" instruction. She's speaking words that are full of faith and encouragement.

  • Most importantly, she loves God.

    Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. (31:30)

    Yes, this is the verse quoted most often from this passage. And it is really important. But something interesting? It's the only verse explicitly mentioning God in this whole Bible passage about the ideal woman.

    The entire Prov. 31 passage doesn't describe her as the Christian Snow White dancing through the forest singing (or whistling!) worship songs while she works. It doesn't talk about her teaching Sunday (er ... Saturday) School at the synagogue. And I have to ask, "Why not?"

    The answer may be in the next verse:

    Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. (31:31)

    The point? Her whole life--respecting her husband, loving her family, serving people--was worship. Her faith was expressed through her works. She honored God with her everyday life. And I think that's probably the coolest thing about her.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Settlin', Strength and The Single Girl

It all started with a mid-life crisis ...

It's time for an intervention. My Mom and Dad are in a crisis ... a mid-life country music crisis. That's right--two people I love, the same sane (and amazing!) people who raised me, have an inexplicable newfound love of country music.

I have evidence--they regularly watch the music videos of their favorite artists. This summer, they went to a country music festival in Seattle (we told them, "No flame shirts allowed!"). And would you believe that after my Dad's heart surgery last year, his first music request was for some song called "Hillbilly Deluxe"? What has happened to turn the world upside down?

Mom and Dad are on a quest to convert my sisters and I into fellow country fans by introducing us to new-to-them songs and artists. One of Mom's favorites? A band called Sugarland. Yes, the name sounds a bit cheesy to those of us non-country converts out there. I would probably be drawn to the band more if they were named Chocolateland or something. :) But in all seriousness, I have to admit that some of their songs are actually ... good.

A song called "Settlin'"

Here are some of the lyrics to a Sugarland song called "Settlin'":

I ain't settling for just getting by
I've had enough so so for the rest of my life
Tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high
Just enough ain't enough this time
I ain't settling for anything less than everything

And some strong single girls

The words to "Settlin'' came to mind recently because of a few situations and conversations I've had with different people. It all started when I saw this "good girl" spending some serious time and energy flirting with a "bad boy." Then there was a friend who told me that a guy said to her, "Guys are intimidated by girls like you--girls that are strong. Sometimes it's just easier to be with someone else." (And yes, I've heard similar stuff firsthand, myself.) Then there's another friend who is dating someone who has X, Y and Z qualities that are great, but doesn't have the same strong commitment to God or church (a non-negotiable quality for her).

And it made me wonder--how many people are working a job, in a relationship and living life in the status quo simply because it's easy, safe or comfortable?

It's never satisfying to dilute your strength, to cave in on your non-negotiable standards, to lose the core of who you are--for anything or anybody.

I really hope that in particular, the strong women I know never hold back strength in their personality, faith, intelligence or success because some wimpy guy is a bit intimidated by them. Flirting or falling for guys like that isn't worth your time. Instead of being scared or intimidated, they should step up, grow up and get some strength themselves.

I've seen enough great relationships in the lives of friends to know that the right guy will be strong enough to love you even if you're smart, confident or even if you (gasp!) are successful in your job and make more money than him--he might even love you because of your strength.

We're here on this planet to love God and to love people. To live in a way that honors our Creator by doing the best we can with what we've been given. You can't do that if you settle for less.

I'll leave you with a quote I found recently in a magazine related to this topic:

"Who knows
how many
wonderful world-changing, life-changing, fortune-changing or just day-changing ideas
bit the dust
because someone smart, talented and passionate
gave away
her power?"

~ Gail Blanke, "What are you waiting for?" Real Simple magazine. September 2007

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Starbucks Coffee Cup Quote of the Day

"Be the example; spread hope."

- Cat Cora, Iron Chef, executive chef at Bon Apetit magazine
and president/founder of Chefs for Humanity

Monday, January 7, 2008

Cool Things...of the Last 2 Weeks

I've taken a bit longer break from blogging, so this "Cool Things" list is for the last 2 weeks or so. Here is my:
  • Favorite thing about the holidays: Visits from family and friends like family who normally live far, far away. (I love you Holly & Devyn!).


  • Cool Bible passage: I Thessalonians 5: 12-18 (The Message) - I know this is a longer passage than I usually highlight, but I just love how the Bible is so real, so straight-up honest, you know?

    And now, friends,
    we ask you to honor those leaders who work so hard for you,
    who have been given the responsibility of urging and guiding you along in your obedience. Overwhelm them with appreciation and love!
    Get along among yourselves, each of you doing your part.
    Our counsel is that you warn the freeloaders to get a move on.
    Gently encourage the stragglers, and reach out for the exhausted,
    pulling them to their feet.
    Be patient with each person, attentive to individual needs.
    And be careful that when you get on each other's nerves you don't snap at each other. Look for the best in each other,
    and always do your best to bring it out.
    Be cheerful no matter what;
    pray all the time;
    thank God no matter what happens.
    This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live.
  • New lunch place: Capers downtown on Pacific. Capers is within walking distance from the office and has this amazing white bean chicken chili (and I think it's actually kinda healthy, too!).
  • Secret Starbucks drink: Short non-fat, no-whip mocha. Short Starbucks drinks are the secret beverages not listed on the menu (shh....). They're the perfect size, cheaper and give you the same amount of caffeine buzz.
  • Fun Christmas gift to give: I actually ordered a "Support the Rabid" bracelet for my sister from "The Office." This only makes sense to Office fans who have seen the Rabies Fun Run episode--mmm hmm, it's real.
  • Relaxing Christmas gift to receive: Thanks to Mom and Dad, an oh-so-lovely gift certificate to Chardonnay spa for a massage...ahh....(and yes, I've already used it!).
  • Innovative CD: One Republic - "Dreaming Out Loud" So this is my sister's new CD, but I had it in my car for a week (love the perks of sharing with family). I think One Republic is innovative because they mix instrumental elements of rock and classical music (not usually my fave--but cool when mixed with other stuff).
  • January holiday: Step in a Puddle and Splash Your Friends Day (Jan. 11) - Watch out! :) Somehow, I ended up chatting and laughing with some friends about wacky holidays and this one is my January favorite. Check out the weird holidays here.
  • New personal holiday: Sacred Sleep-in Saturdays - This is the new name I've given to the one day of the week where I can sleep past 7:00.