Taking responsibility...seriously

"I'm taking responsibility--

for my thoughts, my actions, my words.

For how I spend my time and my money.

And I'm taking responsibility for my personal relationships."

When was the last time you heard anything like this from a politician, business executive, pastor or professor?



The more important question? When was the last time you said or thought anything like this yourself?



Ouch! For most of us, the word "responsible" isn't fun. It sounds boring. It sounds serious. And maybe it is--but responsibility is important.


In this crazy world of political firestorms, moral failures and economic uncertainty, it is far too easy to play the blame game. It's also easy to become so overwhelmed that you feel powerless to do anything at all.


Here's the good news: you and I may not be in control of everything--but we can be in charge of some things.


This post I want to challenge us (I'm included here, too!) to be personally responsible for the some things we can control. Here are some questions, thoughts, facts and ideas for us both to consider:

• Why do I think the way I think?
  
  This question sounds pretty basic. But sometimes, our perspectives are so ingrained that we forget what they're based on. In the last few months, I've heard good people I care about say things ranging from, "Men are pigs" to "Women are crazy." I've heard "Democrats are evil" and "Right-wing religious people are so ignorant." For the record, I don't personally agree with any of those statements...but when I've heard them from others, I've wanted to ask them this simple question, "Why?"
  
  Often, we think certain things simply because we always have. Maybe because we were hurt in the past. Or we believe something simply because our families raised us to think that way.
  
  And maybe what you and I think is actually right--I personally just feel it's important to own what you think--and to really understand what it's grounded in.
  
  [Important sidenotes for Christians: In the quest to know why you think what you think, you're probably going to look at the Bible for guidance (and I hope you do). The Bible has a lot to say about topics I've heard discussed recently--answers for questions like, "How does God view the poor? The rich? Whose job is it to help those in need?", "How does the Bible talk about the role of government (kings)?", "What's God's perspective on men? Women?" or "How does the Bible talk about work? Money? My life's purpose?"
  
  But the Bible is referred to as a sword for a reason--its truth is sharp and can pierce your heart--or it can be dangerous if you view it through the lens of, "How can I use Scripture to prove my point?" (See "Google faith" post.) I'm not going to use this post to tell you what I think (that kind of defeats the point of encouraging you to take responsibility for it yourself!), but I would challenge you to look at the Bible honestly--and if you have questions, to talk with Christian leaders you respect.]
  
• How do I spend my time?
  
  Time is one resource that's distributed equally to every living person on this planet--we all have 24 hours in a day, 7 days a week and 365 days each year. But what are we doing with it?
  
  If you asked most people about their goals, you'd hear, "Spending more time with my family", "Building stronger relationships", "Growing in my faith," "Helping people in need" or "Getting in shape."
  
  But do we make time to pursue the things that really matter to us?
  
  A lot of people end up wasting time...watching TV, surfing the Internet, staying in the wrong job...instead of viewing time as an asset to help them reach their goals. I'm not advocating a life of constant busyness (that's stressful!), but taking responsibility for how you use your time (and yes, sleep can be good and healthy, too). :)
  
• How do I spend my money?

This is an interesting question for a lot of people right now. And if you know me, you know I love my Starbucks and fashion bargains...but I could not in good conscience spend money on those things without prioritizing the things that matter so much more. For one, tithing (yup, a full 10%) and giving additional offerings to my church. When it comes down to it, that's a non-negotiable spending commitment every Christian should take serious responsibility for....with a smile (because it is so rewarding!).

[If you're a pastor or leader reading this--don't be shy about telling your members how important giving is, what a difference it makes or even how their money is spent. (See also "The Emmys, the Bible and the grace of giving") I think some people honestly have no idea...or don't think about...how much it takes to pay electric bills, support missionaries or help children in the community. Be straight-up honest and real with us. It's important.]

I also believe in giving to other causes I care about that are making a difference in our community (a personal fave charity is the Washington Women's Employment and Education association).

And it sounds basic...but paying bills is important. I believe in avoiding interest charges by paying off credit cards every month (which means not over charging!). And if you can't do that yet, start paying more than the minimums...and avoid extra spending.

Beyond that? Personally, I think it's important to save for my future and retirement (yes, working at a financial services company has really helped me to see how important it is to start...and to start early).

The bottom line? Real change starts with you and me individually--taking personal responsbility for our perspectives, our time and our wallets. Let's not worry about stuff we can't control. Let's not put all of our faith in John McCain or Barack Obama. Let's put our trust in God--and our God-given ability to make choices. Let's start to take responsibility...seriously.

Women and politics

I'm thankful for Hillary Clinton.

I'm thankful for Sarah Palin.

I know those two ideas seem contradictory--or maybe shocking to some of you. Let's be clear--I don't agree 100% with either candidate. But I hope both of them have helped pave the way for female leaders--in politics, in business, in non-profits and more.

It's not that I don't respect or value male leaders--I do. And I'm not some wild and crazy feminist pushing for women to rule the world no matter what their qualifications or values. But I think women have something unique to bring to the table, the boardroom, the pulpits and the podiums across the globe.

Do I think the glass ceilings are gone? All it takes is a look at the campaigns and media portrayals of Clinton and Palin to see that the glass ceilings for female leaders still exist in 2008.

Female leaders have been judged more on their personalities than their platforms--Clinton is labeled "too tough" and "too harsh," while Palin is "too folksey."

They've been judged more on their looks than their records--critiqued for their suits, hairstyles and eyeware. At one point (the early Clinton years), Hillary was "too plain" or "kind of nerdy", while Sarah has been dubbed "a hot babe" and "Caribou Barbie."

Part of me wonders if it is a "glass ceiling" or more of a "sticky floor"? In other words, are women held back by male chauvinism or do we hold ourselves back?

Here are some things I think we as women can do to help ourselves and each other:

1. Stop critiquing women you like or don't like based on their appearance. (And if you are a woman, include yourself in this category.)

2. For every compliment you give another woman on her appearance, think of something else you can compliment about her skill, talent, leadership ability, character, etc.

3. Know that you have something to contribute to whatever sphere of influence you have. If you're invited to a business meeting, speak up and share your ideas. You are a unique person with distinct talents, skills and knowledge to bring to your role--as a friend, employee, volunteer, wife, mother, etc. Statistically, a lot of women have strong "people insight," the ability to see the big picture, think creatively, express themselves well verbally--if you have these skills, use them.

4. Have confidence in your leadership ability. I've seen some female leaders who, instead of making small decisions they're capable and empowered to make, constantly second-guess themselves or try polling others--when their team members are thinking, "Can't they just make a decision?!?"

5. Learn how to delegate or challenge the status quo when appropriate. Sometimes saying, "I don't think doing X makes sense for our organization. Here's why..." can save your organization money, time and resources. Yet often, women seem to feel as if they are "order takers" who have to go along doing the grunt work for whatever task their (predominantly male) managers request.

On the flip side, sometimes managers are thankful to be challenged on their thinking--your diverse opinion and creative ideas may be a huge asset to them. I've heard some say things to the effect of, "I hadn't thought about that perspective before...but that approach really makes sense."

6. Don't be afraid to try new things. More than men, I think women can be held back by their own fear a and downplay their stengths--a deadly combination. "I can't apply for that job because I don't have the degree required" or "I can't go to college now. I have kids." If you have a desire or a dream to do something new, go for it. A lot of guys seem to have this competitive, know-how spirit (at least in the workplace) that helps them to advance--maybe it's the same trait that causes them not to ask for directions when they're lost on trips. :) I think we as women can learn something from their confident approach to tacking challenging situations.

7. Encourage and help other women to succeed. If you are a leader, be a mentor to the next generation of women. Help them to learn from your mistakes or challenges. Listen to them and encourage them.

Who knows? Maybe we can clean up that sticky floor.

Fun Starbucks cup quote of the day

"When I was young I was misled by flash cards

that xylophones and zebras were much more common."

- Amy-Elyse Neer (Artist & Starbucks customer, San Jose, CA)

Cool things lately

Sole amazing shoe find: Black heels from Target - Who says you can't be a little sassy at work? (At least with your shoes!) These black pumps by Isaac Mizrahi prove that chic doesn't have to be expensive--and hot (these are higher than they look--and shiny black patent) doesn't have to be trashy.

Billionaire with a brain & heart: Warren Buffett - Okay, so he's not my normal type :) , but I think Warren Buffett is a cool guy for several reasons--he gives big (largest donation to the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation), he's smart, he's savvy when it comes to investments, and he's confident. At a time when many people are afraid about money, Buffett exemplified confidence by injecting over $5 billion into Goldman Sachs. This one simple act showed people that one of the world's smartest investors believes in a good company with strong fundamentals--he has faith that our economy will get better and that other investors will start to get rational about their investments instead of being driven by fear.

Starbucks drink: Salted caramel hot chocolate - Careful kids, this drink could be lethal. I know it sounds a little weird--but it's amazingly good. Just reserve it for special occasions--or pretend you don't care about nutrition facts.

Hanging with friends: Season of showers - In the past month or so, I've gone to some type of shower (baby, bridal, engagement) almost every week. It's been exciting to catch up with old friends, make new ones and celebrate some exciting occasions.

Crazy video clip: Opera singing by Wisit from "Top Design" - I don't really know how to explain this...except to say that it makes me laugh every time I watch its hypnotic weirdness.

Books: The Post-Secret series - Recently, I read through several Post-Secret books compiled by Frank Warren. Basically, he asked random people to submit their secrets--some of them are funny, some are really serious and some just make you think. But if you're like me and generally curious about people, it's worth checking out.

Music: Love Jackson Waters lately. Also check out new Brit import Adele--I like the song "Chasing Pavements."

Something I hope never to see at Champions Centre: "Renewed mind is the key" dance There are no words. :)

Think. Speak. Act.

"How would you react...if you won the lottery?"


"How would you react...if you lost your job?"


"How would you react...if a new position opened up at work and you and your best friend were both interested in applying?"


I was sitting oh-so-innocently in my Toastmasters' club meeting yesterday when the last question was asked of me. It was part of our weekly "Table Topics" exercise where we are asked a question and told to speak "off the cuff" for at least a minute without ums, ahs and filler words.


It's tougher than you think. But what stood out to me yesterday was the "How would you react...?" theme.


You and I may not ever win the lottery, lose our jobs or compete with a friend for a new position. But everyday, I think someone (even if it's solely God) asks us, "How would you react...?" in some form or another.


I thought about that basic question a lot yesterday--especially when we were talking about politics at young adults' group.


When I thought about living as a Christian in a way that honors God, I came up with three key steps to decision-making. I don't always follow them, but I hope this post (or even the process of writing it!) will help you and I as we make key choices in our lives. So here goes:


Think.


This seems simple. But how many times do we make decisions by "going with the flow" with what friends, co-workers or family members do? How easily do we buy in to someone else's logic--whether it's a teacher, pastor, professor or newscaster--without digging for the truth ourselves?


God gave us brains. I think He likes--and even expects--us to use them. He is the source of truth, so when we search for real truth, we are actually pursuing God, getting to know Him and His thoughts better. I think He absolutely loves it when we have a passion to know more (just as long as we always recognize we can never know it all!).


What does this mean in real life? Knowing what the Bible says. Looking for hard facts uncluttered by someone else's perspective (and those can be tough to find--even in the news!). Owning my personal responsibility to continually pursue wisdom. For me, one of the key messages of Anthem last night was, "Know what you believe and why. Look at the facts about the candidates (like their voting records). Look at the Bible for what it says, not just what you want to hear (see my past "Google faith" post for reference)." I love that.


Speak.


Part of decision-making does involve speaking with others. First, it should involve talking to God--praying and asking for wisdom and clarity throughout the whole decision-making process. But I think it also can involve seeking the counsel of people you trust.


That may sound contradictory to my first point. But there's a big difference between aimlessly following the herd and truly having your own opinion while remaining open to hear what other trusted people in your life have to say.


Sometimes speaking means standing up for what you believe in. Having the courage to talk about tough things in a kind way. Sharing what you believe or feel with people who might reject you.

Act.

Knowing what you think or talking about it is good--but incomplete. I believe our actions are a critical part of the equation, but action is often left out of decision making.

For example, there are a lot of Christians who believe in helping those in need. They think it's right. They talk about how important it is. But when given the opportunity to actually volunteer and serve people in the community, they don't show up. They don't give financially to their own churches or non-profit organizations that serve the poor. (And as a sidenote, it's not a big surprise to me that politicians can be hypocritical in this area, too.)

I'll be honest in the fact that I'm not a huge fan of political grandstanding--I have close friends on both sides of the political spectrum. I've found myself irritated in this election season with how some people go on and on bashing politicians on "the other side."

And then I did a quick heart check.

Because as much as I don't like heated debates, at least I have friends who are passionate about what they believe. They're going to vote. They're going to talk to other people about voting. They're going to help other people register to vote. They're going to campaign for people they believe in.

There is something much worse--apathy. In this country, we have freedom. It's a rare privilege. In so many places around the world, people don't have a voice (especially if you're a woman, a Christian or a minority). Thousands of people throughout history have given their lives so that you and I can live in this freedom--so we can vote.

And millions of us act like we don't care. Millions of Americans don't vote.

Connecting the dots...

I hope if you're reading this, you don't think it's just about politics, Christianity or a strange group called Toastmasters (and if you're wondering - no, we don't cook toast in our meetings). :)

For me, this post is about decisions--and decisions define our destinies.

Starbucks quote of the day: Arrogance and empathy

"Insensitivity makes arrogance ugly;

empathy is what makes humility beautiful."

- Renford Reese, Ph.D.