Commitment, Phobia and Purity

Yesterday at our young adults' service, we had a time to commit to purity--abstinence for those of us who are single and faithfulness for those who are married.

I'll start by saying that I'm really glad we encourage commitment to purity. It is an important part of living a life that honors God.

I'm not sure how to phrase this exactly, but it kind of feels a bit strange to publicly recommit to purity every year.

Here's what I mean--I first made a purity pledge when I was 14. I was committed to it then as a way to honor God, my parents and my future husband--and I'm still committed to it now. I think the annual recommitment may feel a bit odd because I don't, for example, get rebaptized in water or respond to a salvation altar call every single year. My original commitments still stand there--why should a commitment to purity be any different?

The fear of commitment?

Maybe churches ask people to recommit to purity regularly as a sign of solidarity for those who are making the commitment for the first time ... possibly because too many young adults are too afraid to commit period, so we use the power of positive peer pressure to help them take a stand.

In general, I think our generation may have a wildly rampant case of commitment phobia. Why is it that so many twentysomethings are scared to commit to anything--attending a party, working at a great company for several years (even if it's hard work), volunteering, going to church or a small group regularly, getting married? You name it--it seems like a lot of people in our generation have a hard time making and keeping promises.

... Or commitment-light?

Or maybe the rationale for the broad purity recommitments is because committing to purity is something people take lightly--and therefore, the recommitment is to start over again or to simply remember a previous commitment?

There are statistics that show that although the percentage of people who save sex for marriage is higher for those who make purity pledges (a great thing), it's still (sadly) way lower than 100%. I wonder if some view purity commitments like they view committing to volunteering or attending a party--as in, "Yeah sure--I'll stay committed. As long as it's convenient for me ... or until an alternative comes around."

Is there a cure for the fear of commitment and commitment-light?

Maybe discussions about purity should start with talking about the power of a promise kept.

Personally, I have been extremely blessed to have grown up in a home where I honestly can't remember any time when Mom and Dad broke a promise--to me, to my sisters or to each other. None of us are perfect. But a couple who has stayed happily married and in love through 32 years of marriage definitely doesn't buy into the idea of commitment-light. Their example has taught me that commitment may not always be easy, but it's worth it.

I know my life experience is an exception (even in the Christian community). Most twentysomethings have lives touched repeatedly by broken promises--in their families, in broken friendships or in failed romantic relationships. If someone hasn't experienced the power of "no matter what" love and commitment, it might explain why they are afraid of it ... or doubtful that it's possible.

Perhaps the cure for a generation plagued by commitment phobia starts with a greater understanding about God's character--and the fact that He always keeps His promises. Maybe some Christians haven't realized exactly how much God is into commitments with us. And though some of His commitments (like salvation) have to do mostly with His grace, others are more dependent on our obedience.

One thing I know for sure is that God always outgives me. Obedience may seem demanding at times, but the rewards God promises--things like long life, prosperity and wisdom--always outweigh the costs.

P.S. I Love You

What makes a good love story? Chemistry? Romance? Fun and laughter? Probably a mix of all those things together.

I think a good love story has to have some element of truth in it--something that speaks to the viewer/reader about what love in its most perfect form is supposed to be.

This past week, I saw the movie P.S. I Love You starring Hillary Swank (and no, I'm not going to give it all away!). It's about a widow whose deceased husband writes letters for her to find and read after his death (yeah, I know--kind of morbid). As most chick flicks are, it was a bit predictable and kind of sappy--but it definitely had that truth factor going on, so I thought I'd talk a little about it.

What's the truth factor in P.S. I Love You?

Hillary's movie husband was cute and charming (and did I mention he sang, too?!?). But his most attractive quality (and the truth about love from the movie)? He saw her.

He saw Hillary's character in all of her beauty and quirky imperfections--and chose to love her. He saw her better than she saw herself, encouraged her to dream and to live the full life she was meant to live.

(Rabbit trail for other chick flick fans only: You may notice that this is the same "truth factor" about love that's seen in Runaway Bride--you know, where Julia Roberts doesn't even know what kind of eggs she likes and Richard Gere notices and calls her out on it? Or in Bridget Jones when Mark Darcy tells Bridget "I like you just the way you are.")

That sounds nice and all--but what does it have to do with me?

Everything. Okay, maybe not really, but I'll explain ...

Think about how most people love--a career, church or person. Most people see only the good and the beautiful at first. Everything's rosy, polished and going well. And then some of those quirky imperfections pop up--and the "love" they felt seems to disappear.

But think about how God loves us. He sees us as we really are (the unpolished, unairbrushed versions of ourselves), complete with beauty and quirky imperfections--and chooses to love us anyway.

That's pretty amazing. Kind of miraculous, actually.

But ... if God sees all we are and loves us with "no matter what" kind of commitment, if that's what real love is supposed to be, isn't that the way we should love others?

P.S. I love you.

(Translation: I'm trying to see the real you, encourage you to dream and to live the best life you've been designed to live. And I'm definitely not perfect, so I may not be all that amazing at this real love thing. But I'm working on it.)

"In" with God, Masks and Me

I was reading the other day and saw these verses that I wanted to share. They probably stood out to me because they talk about masks and I've been helping with a masquerade coming up. :)

But I also liked this passage because it's a call to committed, real Christianity. Not fake or twisted to conveniently fit our own whims--but genuine and honest. I think that's the kind of faith our generation is hungry for:

"Since God has so generously let us in on what he is doing,

we're not about to throw up our hands and walk off the job

just because we run into occasional hard times.

We refuse to wear masks and play games.

We don't maneuver and manipulate behind the scenes.

And we don't twist God's Word to suit ourselves.

Rather, we keep everything we do and say out in the open,

the whole truth on display,

so that those who want to

can see and judge for themselves in the presence of God."

2 Corinthians 4:1-2 - The Message

It's an honor to serve God--to be "in" on what's He's doing. Nothing I could ever give Him could repay what He's given me. But one thing I've learned is that best gift I can give to God is me--my whole life--staying committed "no matter what" to living a real life of faith and love that draws others to Him.

No masks. No manipulation. No maneuvering.

Just me.

In some ways, that seems kind of scary--it's vulnerable. But when I live that way, when I serve that way, it's actually the most beautiful and pure kind of love I have to offer. And yeah, that may sound cheesy--but it's just me. :)