Commitment, Phobia and Purity

Yesterday at our young adults' service, we had a time to commit to purity--abstinence for those of us who are single and faithfulness for those who are married.

I'll start by saying that I'm really glad we encourage commitment to purity. It is an important part of living a life that honors God.

I'm not sure how to phrase this exactly, but it kind of feels a bit strange to publicly recommit to purity every year.

Here's what I mean--I first made a purity pledge when I was 14. I was committed to it then as a way to honor God, my parents and my future husband--and I'm still committed to it now. I think the annual recommitment may feel a bit odd because I don't, for example, get rebaptized in water or respond to a salvation altar call every single year. My original commitments still stand there--why should a commitment to purity be any different?

The fear of commitment?

Maybe churches ask people to recommit to purity regularly as a sign of solidarity for those who are making the commitment for the first time ... possibly because too many young adults are too afraid to commit period, so we use the power of positive peer pressure to help them take a stand.

In general, I think our generation may have a wildly rampant case of commitment phobia. Why is it that so many twentysomethings are scared to commit to anything--attending a party, working at a great company for several years (even if it's hard work), volunteering, going to church or a small group regularly, getting married? You name it--it seems like a lot of people in our generation have a hard time making and keeping promises.

... Or commitment-light?

Or maybe the rationale for the broad purity recommitments is because committing to purity is something people take lightly--and therefore, the recommitment is to start over again or to simply remember a previous commitment?

There are statistics that show that although the percentage of people who save sex for marriage is higher for those who make purity pledges (a great thing), it's still (sadly) way lower than 100%. I wonder if some view purity commitments like they view committing to volunteering or attending a party--as in, "Yeah sure--I'll stay committed. As long as it's convenient for me ... or until an alternative comes around."

Is there a cure for the fear of commitment and commitment-light?

Maybe discussions about purity should start with talking about the power of a promise kept.

Personally, I have been extremely blessed to have grown up in a home where I honestly can't remember any time when Mom and Dad broke a promise--to me, to my sisters or to each other. None of us are perfect. But a couple who has stayed happily married and in love through 32 years of marriage definitely doesn't buy into the idea of commitment-light. Their example has taught me that commitment may not always be easy, but it's worth it.

I know my life experience is an exception (even in the Christian community). Most twentysomethings have lives touched repeatedly by broken promises--in their families, in broken friendships or in failed romantic relationships. If someone hasn't experienced the power of "no matter what" love and commitment, it might explain why they are afraid of it ... or doubtful that it's possible.

Perhaps the cure for a generation plagued by commitment phobia starts with a greater understanding about God's character--and the fact that He always keeps His promises. Maybe some Christians haven't realized exactly how much God is into commitments with us. And though some of His commitments (like salvation) have to do mostly with His grace, others are more dependent on our obedience.

One thing I know for sure is that God always outgives me. Obedience may seem demanding at times, but the rewards God promises--things like long life, prosperity and wisdom--always outweigh the costs.