Relationships. It was the February theme of our young adults' services at church. It was all practical, informative and inspiring ... but part of me wished someone would have talked to those of us that are single single. You know--not married or dating at all (for the moment). So I came up with my own list of things that I wish Christian guys knew about dating ... and for any guys out there, I'd love to hear your words of wisdom for all of us women.
10 Things Christian Guys Should Know About Dating
1. Be what you want.
It's so simple--but applies to all of us in any type of relationship. If you want someone who's smart and interesting, be smart and interesting yourself. If you want someone who loves God and church, live your faith and be an active part of your church.
2. Make an effort.
Yes, it can be intimidating. But when you're interested in someone, ask them out. It doesn't mean you're getting married ... really (as a sidenote, I think it's important not to date someone when you know for sure you'd never marry them). If you're already dating or married, make an effort to plan dates or special things to make your girlfriend/wife feel special. For most of us, it doesn't have to be expensive ... thoughtful cards, washing the car, etc. make us feel appreciated and valued.
3. Don't be a player.
Christian guys may not sleep around, but they can still be players ... if you're flirting all the time with a girls' friends, she's probably not going to be interested in you. And if you flirt with everyone, how is she supposed to know that you're interested in her at all?
4. Don't say "God told me..." as a tactic to get what you want.
If God talks to you, he's probably talking to us, too. There's not really a great way for Christian women to respond to guys who say "God told me..." if they don't agree ... and some guys have used this line as a tactic to control. Don't feel as if you have to spiritualize your feelings or your own desires. It's okay to be honest and say, "I really like you" or "I don't feel this relationship is working" without using "God told me..." as a fallback caveat.
5. Get a job and love it.
Here's the good news--you don't have to be rich to get a good Christian woman to love you. But we don't want to date slackers either. Get a job you love (or be in training for one at school). We think ambition is attractive, so find a career you like and go for it.
6. Treat the women in your life with respect.
We watch how you treat your moms, sisters, women in authority, women at work ... etc. We see it as an indicator of how we you will treat us.
7. Don't be intimidated by our strength.
There's a perception that good Christian women should be quiet, subservient, meek and mild. But that perception has no basis in the Bible. Yes, women in the Bible are instructed to honor their husbands as the leaders of their homes. But women in the Bible are also strong--Rahab helped God's people conquer a city, Esther saved a nation through her position as a queen, Deborah was a judge. Even the ideal woman in Prov. 31 was resourceful--she's an entrepreneurial businesswoman who buys property and turns it into a vineyard (31:16) and a clothing designer who sells clothes to make profit (31:24). Read more. The point? If your wife or girlfriend is strong, she can be more of a support to you--a partner to walk with you through life.
8. Be confident, not cocky.
Most women don't like passive guys. Be strong and confident in knowing who you are in Christ. But don't act as if you are God's only gift to the planet. Listen to other people and their ideas. Don't talk or think about yourself all the time. Don't act as if it's your way or the highway.
9. Laugh.
In multiple research studies, "a sense of humor" rates high on the qualities that most women are looking for in their relationships.You don't have to be super spiritual all the time. Relax. Smile. Laugh.
10. The most important: Love God with all of your heart.
If you love God, show it. Go to church. Participate in worship. Pray. Read your Bible. Love God and go after His plan for your life.
10 Things Christian Guys Should Know About Dating
1. Be what you want.
It's so simple--but applies to all of us in any type of relationship. If you want someone who's smart and interesting, be smart and interesting yourself. If you want someone who loves God and church, live your faith and be an active part of your church.
2. Make an effort.
Yes, it can be intimidating. But when you're interested in someone, ask them out. It doesn't mean you're getting married ... really (as a sidenote, I think it's important not to date someone when you know for sure you'd never marry them). If you're already dating or married, make an effort to plan dates or special things to make your girlfriend/wife feel special. For most of us, it doesn't have to be expensive ... thoughtful cards, washing the car, etc. make us feel appreciated and valued.
3. Don't be a player.
Christian guys may not sleep around, but they can still be players ... if you're flirting all the time with a girls' friends, she's probably not going to be interested in you. And if you flirt with everyone, how is she supposed to know that you're interested in her at all?
4. Don't say "God told me..." as a tactic to get what you want.
If God talks to you, he's probably talking to us, too. There's not really a great way for Christian women to respond to guys who say "God told me..." if they don't agree ... and some guys have used this line as a tactic to control. Don't feel as if you have to spiritualize your feelings or your own desires. It's okay to be honest and say, "I really like you" or "I don't feel this relationship is working" without using "God told me..." as a fallback caveat.
5. Get a job and love it.
Here's the good news--you don't have to be rich to get a good Christian woman to love you. But we don't want to date slackers either. Get a job you love (or be in training for one at school). We think ambition is attractive, so find a career you like and go for it.
6. Treat the women in your life with respect.
We watch how you treat your moms, sisters, women in authority, women at work ... etc. We see it as an indicator of how we you will treat us.
7. Don't be intimidated by our strength.
There's a perception that good Christian women should be quiet, subservient, meek and mild. But that perception has no basis in the Bible. Yes, women in the Bible are instructed to honor their husbands as the leaders of their homes. But women in the Bible are also strong--Rahab helped God's people conquer a city, Esther saved a nation through her position as a queen, Deborah was a judge. Even the ideal woman in Prov. 31 was resourceful--she's an entrepreneurial businesswoman who buys property and turns it into a vineyard (31:16) and a clothing designer who sells clothes to make profit (31:24). Read more. The point? If your wife or girlfriend is strong, she can be more of a support to you--a partner to walk with you through life.
8. Be confident, not cocky.
Most women don't like passive guys. Be strong and confident in knowing who you are in Christ. But don't act as if you are God's only gift to the planet. Listen to other people and their ideas. Don't talk or think about yourself all the time. Don't act as if it's your way or the highway.
9. Laugh.
In multiple research studies, "a sense of humor" rates high on the qualities that most women are looking for in their relationships.You don't have to be super spiritual all the time. Relax. Smile. Laugh.
10. The most important: Love God with all of your heart.
If you love God, show it. Go to church. Participate in worship. Pray. Read your Bible. Love God and go after His plan for your life.
Question: Any ideas out there for single Christian women?
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