"Casual Sex," The ...But Guy and Enchanted

I like Oprah. And I like O Magazine ... usually.

Yesterday I received the January issue in the mail. And I'll confess--one article made me both sad and quite frankly, mad (and you thought I couldn't get angry).

The O Article That Ticked Me Off

In "Live Your Best Love Life!", Linda from Rhode Island said, "My dilemma is that I still love my ex, who I dated for nine years." She then goes on to basically ask, "I'm now thinking of using my ex as a booty call ... or maybe it's time to try self-satisfaction?"

The answer of columnist Cindy Chupack? "The beauty of the booty call is its simplicity ... how does love factor into this? It doesn't!" Chupack then goes on to say, "The perfect booty call is someone who's great but" ... meaning basically someone who's safe ... but someone that you don't really want to marry or love. And if a " ... but" man isn't available? Chupack says "self-love" (masturbation) is "not a last resort; it's essential."

Can you hear me yell now?

Casual Sex: Does It Really Exist?

There's no such thing as casual sex--just like there's no such thing as casual naked Fridays at the office.

Sex always has meaning--it's supposed to. I think saying you can have sex without meaning is like saying you can Christmas without music, dessert without chocolate or an amazing car without tires. It's empty--it's missing something it's designed to have.

Sex has meaning because it always reveals how we feel--about another person or ourselves.
I think Linda from Rhode Island was really saying, "I'm still in love with my ex, but I know he doesn't want to have a relationship with me. If I have 'casual sex' with him, at least I'd have something--right?"

But by having 'casual sex'--with her ex or, as Chupack suggested, a " ... but" man or herself, Linda would be settling for something less than what she wants. She would be cheapening herself, a man and sex itself by choosing any of these options.

Sacred Sex, Enchanted and the ...But Guy

I believe sex is beyond meaningful--it's sacred. So why do so many adults settle for "casual sex"?

They are "looking for love (and meaning) in all the wrong places" ... and after casual sex, will end up feeling more lonely, more lost, than ever.

I believe sex is designed to be shared by a married man and woman. I know this sentence might sound extreme. Society tries to tell us sex without marriage is normal--and this article even tries to tell us that sex without love is normal.

But I know I'm not alone. There are many people who want to believe in the sacredness of sex. It's why we find it horrific when children are sexually abused--a violation of the sacred. It's why most states don't allow prostitution--the business of treating something sacred as a commodity. And it's why fairy tale love stories will always be popular (hence, the #1 movie in the country at the moment, Enchanted).

I can hear some guys think, "Yeah, but it's different for guys. Sex doesn't have to have meaning." Are you sure? Do any men really want to be considered some woman's " ... but" guy? I doubt it. A guy deserves to be with the one woman on the planet who thinks he is not a " ... but" guy, but the it guy, the forever guy.

Sex has meaning, but it can never give you meaning. It's an expression of love, but it's not how you find the perfect kind of love every human being is looking for. That kind of meaning and love is only found in God.

I don't have to feel cheap, empty or settle for something less than what I believe is possible. And neither do you.

Special Note: If you're someone who's reading this and says, "That's great for you, but I've already had sex outside marriage"--don't lose heart. I'm not saying that you are cheap or empty.

On the contrary, I'm saying you're priceless. You deserve better.

Even if you've messed up in the past when it comes to sex, you don't have to mess up your future. Start fresh. God can forgive you of your past, but you have to make a choice to define your destiny. It may not be easy--but the best things in life rarely are.