Smart is hot

Awkward moments ... do you have them? (If you've read this blog for awhile, you know I do!) Let me tell you about a little awkward moment that happened today...

Here's the scene: I'm at work. I've just finished a meeting about a project with a colleague and my boss' boss. My boss' boss (a woman about my mom's age) turns to me and says, "I've just got to say one more thing...you are so pretty...those eyes, that smile. I don't understand why you're not married."

Awkward silence. I smile and say, "Thanks." (How exactly are single people supposed to respond to that question...especially in the office?)

"Pretty and smart...that combination just must scare guys."

I'll be fair and say that I really like my boss' boss--she was trying to compliment me. And I like compliments no matter where they come from or however oddly they surface.

But I will be honest--part of me is a little scared that her final statement may be accurate.

(Sidenote: I'm not saying I agree with her assessment of me specifically--to some degree, I think beauty and smarts are in the eye of the beholder).

But are people (and guys in particular) afraid of a "pretty" and "smart" combination? Why? And what in the world can we do to change that?

Can beauty and brains coexist? In a woman?

When was the last time you saw a woman on TV or in a movie who was portrayed as both extremely beautiful and really smart? Anyone?

For some reason, Hollywood has reduced most women to caricatures--you're either really hot and dumb (see Jessica Simpson and Pam Anderson) or smart and not that cute.

I haven't seen it yet, but there's a new movie out called the "House Bunny" that appears to illustrate this point. The concept of the movie is that there's a sorority of smart girls who are frumpy, out-of-date, unpopular and unattractive. Who comes to save them? The classic former Playboy bunny (read: shapely, thin blonde) who is also caricaturized (misspelling intentional) as an idiot. Ugh.

Can you imagine if men were constantly pigeonholed like that--as hot bumbling idiots or geeky brainiacs? At one point in time, African-Americans were portrayed similarly in the media ... and many are still fighting the stereotypes associated with those horrible portrayals. Why in the world do we still allow the media to continually portray women this way in the 21st century?

I wonder if some people have tried to stifle the beautiful power of brains.

How would the world be different if women were unashamed of their intelligence?

The media has shown us that it's okay to flaunt our sex appeal--but smarts? Not unless you want to branded as a woman who's crazy ambitious, witchy (or something that rhymes with that), unpopular or ugly.

I'm sick of it. So how do we turn the tables? Somehow, I think we need to convey the idea that smart is hot. Here are a few of my own personal ideas ...

Why smart is hot

• Smart women are kind to others. Contrary to the soap opera diva or manic businesswoman image, truly smart women are actually nice. They're kind to others because it's the right thing to do ... but also because they know that kindness leads to good relationships ... and good relationships are essential to any kind of success in life (with God, their families, colleagues, customers, etc.).
  


• Smart women are interesting. Let's face it--external beauty is appealing to people (and guys in particular). But physical attraction can only last so long. If a woman isn't smart, she probably doesn't have much of interest to say ... and that gets old quickly.
  


• Smart women make good decisions--take is as a compliment if they
  choose you. One thing I've heard repeatedly about guys is that they like to be respected and admired. But most smart women do not give away their respect and admiration lightly. If you're a guy dating or married to a smart woman, you can take it as a serious compliment that she has chosen you.

Smarts, like looks, vary...

It's also important to point out that there are several different kinds of intelligence. Most of us aren't geniuses at all of them. But I think it's amazing that God created us with different types of smarts--some have people smarts, others have creative intelligence and others may be just plain logical.

I just Googled "intelligence" and "types" and found this piece of interest--it talks about nine different types of intelligence!

In addition to this list, I would argue that there may also be a type of spiritual intelligence--a kind of inexplicable wisdom that comes from God, knowing His Word and applying it to your life--to the point where it almost becomes intuitive, where you're living in tune with the Holy Spirit and His direction.

And that's definitely hot.

P.S. I also previously wrote a related (more guy-driven) topic called "Why bold is hot"

What's in a Name?

A lot--if you asked Coke, Kleenex, Google, Madonna or Beyonce.

These short names have defined industries or pop culture. They've shaped our vocabulary as a society (When was the last time you thought, "I need a facial tissue" or "I need to do an Internet search for..."?).

Names also meant a lot in the Bible. Think about Abraham, Sarah, Peter or Paul (or look them up if you're interested.)

But what about you? What does your name mean? (Check it out).

I started thinking about this topic again yesterday when our worship team, just for a random act of fun, decided to share our middle names with each other. And then our team leader for the day challenged us to look up the meaning of our names.

My First Name, Pre-teen Brat Phase and Meaning

So I'll rewind a bit ... when I was growing up, I didn't exactly love my first name. I thought it was simply the product of my parents' former hippie days (sorry, Mom and Dad if you ever read this--you know I love you, but it's true). If you didn't know, my first name is a combination of their two names--it's like if Brad and Angie actually named their baby Brangelina.

People mispronounced my name and couldn't spell it. In my pre-teen mini-brat phase (does everyone have one of those?), I thought about changing it. At that point, I thought it would be cool to have at least one name that people could say and spell correctly--something simple to blend in with the sea of others--like Kelly, Jessica or Jennifer. But I didn't go through with it.

I never thought my name meant anything because I always considered it my parents' crazy creative outlet. But last year out of curiosity, I looked up both of their names to find the meaning of mine. To make a long story short, my first name means "She will add beauty" or maybe (my preferred version) "He will add beauty" (as in God will add beauty--see "Speech, Silence and Beauty" for more on that).

Connecting the Dots ...

And today, I looked up my middle name--another combo. name (yes, Mom and Dad really are that creative). My middle name, Marine, is the combination of my grandmother's names, Martha and Nadine. Martha means "Lady" (or "Lady of the house") and Nadine comes from a root word meaning "Hope."

Together? "Lady of Hope." And with my first name? (My own interpretation to actually make this work some sort of sentence) "He will add beauty through a lady of hope."

Kind of cool, huh?

Hope in Beauty? Or the Beauty of Hope?

So being the artsy and analytical girl that I am, this name search made me think about hope and beauty and what the relationship between these two ideals means.

As a culture, there are so many of us that place hope in beauty. We hope we're beautiful because ... well, it just seems to make life easier. We often put hope in beautiful people--as in, "Gosh, that guy is hot ... I hope he's a Christian, nice and funny, too" and even more seriously, we select the beautiful as our leaders. Statistically, there have been studies that show that beautiful people are popular beyond high school--they often show up in executive-level positions in corporations, they're the celebrities we watch in the media, can get paid more, etc. And as a society, we go to extremes to hope that beauty lasts--we preserve fine art, old movies, classic cars ... and our bodies through the "miracle" of plastic surgery.

But when was the last time you, me and our culture at large flipped the equation and simply appreciated the beauty of hope?

Hope may not be shiny, sparkly or skinny, but it is beautiful simply because hope is what holds us together.

Hope keeps us holding onto an extraordinary God who somehow cares about our ordinary lives.

Hope keeps us connected in relationships with each other. Every friendship, family and marriage is held together by some kind of hope. You hope you can trust the other person, that something good can come out of your relationship, that your life together will be better than it would be apart.

Hope keeps us believing that our future can be better than our past.

We hope for purpose, for meaning--that our lives will matter to someone, that somehow we will be remembered for something good.

I'm not sure exactly how to end this post except by saying that I want in some way "own" my name--to be someone crazy in hope who touches this planet with even a glimpse of Heaven's beauty. (I literally JUST remembered that I wrote the "Crazy in Hope" post back in the fall before I even knew my middle name's meaning--I think I'm seriously getting goosebumps).

And instead of putting hope in beauty, let's begin to believe that hope is beautiful.

Silence, Speech and Beauty

"When she speaks, she will have something worthwhile to say, and she will say it kindly."
(Prov. 31: 26 - The Message)

Have you ever felt like a babbling idiot? Like, in the middle of talking you're having an out of body experience when you ask yourself, "Am I still talking?" "Is this making any sense at all?" "Is anyone still listening?" I don't have these moments often, but found myself in the middle of one recently.

Sometimes I wonder if God looks at me and whispers (in a kind, Dad sort-of voice), "Shh...just be still for a moment. Listen." (Actually, I know He probably thinks that way about a lot of us at times ... I'm thinking Psalm 46:10.)

A week of silence ... ?
A few weeks ago, I had laryngitis. At first, I sounded like a mime (absolutely no voice!). Then I could whisper. For a few days I sounded like a soft rock DJ [ more Michael Bolton, anyone?:) ]. The problem? I kept talking! I tried to stop (really!), but it seemed impossible.

Maybe it's because our church's womens' conference was this past weekend, but I found myself reading Proverbs 31 (the passage that basically outlines the Biblically ideal woman) and I noticed the verse above with a new perspective.

What I learned...
In a world that prizes talking, "telling it like it is" and sarcasm, there's something to be said for listening, deliberate conversation, kindness and discernment.

I don't want to ramble. When I speak, I don't want people to hear the Charlie Brown sound effect, "Wa wa. Wa wa. Wa wa ..." I don't ever want to be one of those people who talks just to hear her own voice.

I want to be respected--someone people look to for valued input and counsel (versus the one who always chimes in with an unwanted idea or opinion). I want people to walk away from a conversation with me feeling inspired and challenged (in a good kind of way!).

"She will add beauty"
(This ties in--I promise!) I always thought my name didn't have a specific meaning because my parents simply made it up (it's a combination of their two names).

But one of the guest speakers at our womens' conference had this thing with names and explaining what they meant and it got me wondering ... what does my name really mean? What does the combination of my Dad's name (Joe - Joseph) and my mom's name (Bonita) really mean? It turns out that Joseph means "He will add" and Bonita means "beauty/beautiful" - together, "She will add beauty" ... how cool is that?

I really hope I will add beauty to the world (or He--God--adds it through me) ... not just through an outward appearance, but through a presence that brightens a room, words that inspire and challenge (see, I did connect the two ideas!) and through a life that makes a difference.

And though the phrase may hold a special meaning to me now, I think everyone can add beauty to their world--through a smile, a not-so-random act of kindness, wise advice, serving someone in need--the list could go on forever. Sometimes simple things are the most beautiful.